Just Like Suffocating
by TeamDexter4ever
Summary: Riddely Grey found out vampires existed when she was six years old. And the knowledge would have killed her if Jacob Black hadn't saved her. Adopted by the Cullens, her life begins to spin out of control when the Volturi find out about her. Alec/OC
1. Chapter 1

I have a problem. Well, actually, I have four problems. The first problem is probably the easiest to explain, but the hardest to believe. So maybe I would start with my second or third, slightly more believeable problems, if it wasn't for the fact that in order for it to make since, you need to understand my first problem. And therein lies my fourth problem. We'll start with that

one, since I'm already on the subject.

You see, my life is just a little too complicated for my liking. I always end up in bad situations. I never find the easy way out, and more often than not I manage to make a fool of myself while getting out of these less than appeasing incidences. I guess it probably has something to do with my first problem, which I will explain now because it only makes since.

I was raised by vampires. There it is. The easiest to say but the hardest to convince you of. Already you have judged me, probably placed me in the catagory of people who need to see a shrink, or maybe visit a nice padded room, but I can assure you that (most of the time anyways) I'm not insane.

When I was younger, I had an extreme fascination with all things supernatural. My fascination was so eccentric, that I managed to figure out that there was a band of not so friendly vampires living in my town. And there I went, galloping off to meet them. Of course, if I had known they didn't exactly like people knowing about them, I never would have gone. Except I didn't know that, and I did go. And I told them I knew exactly what they were. They weren't happy, to say the least. I think it's safe to assume they would have killed me, if a certain shape-shifter hadn't been out and about, visiting his imprint and having a fun time racing her through the trees. They got there in time to save my life, but the damage had already been done. I knew. I had seen. There was no going back.

Eventually, after they had managed to stop my tears, I learned that the man that could be a wolf was Jacob. To my little six year old brain, this was all very exciting. And Renessme, who he was desperatly in love with, (I could tell even then, as a tiny little girl. He was very obvious about it in my eyes.) was a half vampire. Again, I couldn't help but think that it was the coolest thing

ever. But then he told me that I had to go with him, because I couldn't go home. And the waterworks started up again. I cried the whole first half of the drive and then slept the next half. When I woke up, surprise surprise I was in the company of more vampires. Only these ones weren't interested in my blood. In fact, they wanted to keep me. It was all very exciting for a while. Living with vampires makes everything look new and shiny. I became the new toy of Alice, and the unofficial, adopted daughter of Rosalie. But my favorite of them all was Jasper. He reminded me of my older brother, and for the first few months of my homesickness bout he was the only one I would let bring me food or talk to me at all. The homesickness set in about a week after I got there. Then the depression followed. Then of course a stream of tantrums that, looking back on, I am ashamed of. Then, finally, at the ripe old age of 8, I learned to accept life. I learned to accept that this was my family. And I loved them. I spent most of my days with Jasper, watching old war movies and talking about dinosaurs. I was a bit of a tom-boy back then, and some would argue that I still am, but I really don't care anymore.

Edward and Bella were the most distant with me for a while, for some reason I didn't yet understand. Eventually, they warmed up to me, and Edward taught me how to play the piano. I was never as good as him. Emmett played video games with me. I could never beat his high score. My passion was in writing. It was one of the only things I was really good at. By the time I was ten I had written hundreds of little story-books made with computer paper and crayons, that were taped all over the fridge and in other odd places in the house. I think that it was my escape from the truth. In my stories I always pretended that I had always lived with the Cullens. Sometimes it still hurt to think about my parents. Because it did. They were good parents, and they had never gotten an explanation. They never would, not if I wanted to keep them safe. I learned very early on that vampires are not keen to other people knowing what they are, and so I was never stupid enough to go blabbing about it to my school friends. I pretended that Carlisle was my dad even though Jasper felt more like a father to me. I pretended that Alice was my sister, which felt basically true. I pretended a lot of things in front of other people, but the thing I faked the most was liking them. After spending years with wise, and learned vampires, it was hard to understand the immaturity and humor of people my own age. Most of the time I just sat there wondering how on Earth they could be so stupid. Really, sometimes it hurt my head.

Speaking of headaches, I had bad ones, but only when I wrote my really weird stories. The ones that were just pieces, scenes of a plot I hadn't come up with. Carlisle told me when I was eleven that I was special. That I was like Alice only different. I wrote dialogues from the future. Effing cool right? Wrong. Those headaches were the most painful things I ever experienced. It felt like someone was drilling through my skull and writing didn't help. When I wrote the only thing I knew was that the headache would fade. It was times like those when Jasper was the only one allowed to sit with me. He could calm me with his power. I hadn't

learned about their powers until I was nine, but it hadn't come as much of a shock. They were supernatural beings after all. But the fact that my amazing writing talent wasn't even my own sometimes irked me. Emmett took to calling me Luke, like the prophet. How he knew bible references, I never knew. Most of the time, the events I wrote weren't even labelled. I could only guess at who was saying what. There was no, "'blahblahblah' emmett said." I had to work it out based on what I knew about everyone. And I was always a participant in the conversation. Eventually I just started carrying pieces of paper around in my pocket to sribble the

words on when a migraine hit. Then I'd practically over-dose on pain medication. I wasn't a drug addict or anything. My head just hurt extremely bad.

But we're getting off subject. You didn't read this to find out about my history. You read it to find out what the hell I'm doing. So, instead of killing you with the long, boring tale of how I grew up with vampires, I will instead move on to my second problem.

When I was fifteen, someone fell in love with me. I know, I know, it's not a problem, it's a miracle. Except it wasn't. It was a werewolf that fell in love with me. There's a difference between the imprinting with a shape-shifter, and with a werewolf. Shape-shifters imprint, and then they love that person unconditionally forever. When werewolves imprint, all they can think about is breeding. They want little werewolf babies, and they want them immediately. That was a problem that had two parts to it. The first part was the fact that I didn't like the guy in the slightest. He had bullied me for years and then BAM! WEREWOLF! and suddenly I'm his mate. Or something along those lines. The second problem is that werewolves usually take a seperate wife for each child.

They basically imprint tons of times. Why? Because most women don't surive the birth. There was no way in Hell I was going to let that guy implant me with his nasty sperm if he was just going to get some other girl pregnant after I died. It might have been different if I had loved him, and had a good chance of survivng and WASN'T 15. So, we moved. He already had my scent though.

We've basically been on the run ever since, until about a year ago. Finally I was going to graduatre high school! And not be moving to a different school every two second! At 16 years old I had done it a year early. That was the perk of living with vampires. They were bloody brilliant and made amazing tudors. But, then came gallopping along my third problem. YAY! No, actually, just

kidding. It was possibly the worst problem to come.

Worse? Worse than the possibility of being kidnapped, raped, and killed by a hormonal teenage werewolf? Yes. Worse than even that.

My third problem was the Volturi. How the hell they found out I was living with the Cullens will be explained, but as for right now, all you need to know is that I was walking up the drive-way, minding my own business, when I saw the mail. I thought I'd pick it up on my way in, like a good little human. God I wish I hadn't.

As soon as we got inside Carlisle was in front of me, hand extended.

"Something doesn't smell right." He said, and I would have laughed if he hadn't looked so serious. It took him less than a second to pull the thick, off white, fancy envelope from the stack. His eyes flicked over the words on the front faster than I could see. Jasper must have sensed his stress because sudenly he was at Carlisle's side, Alice in tow.

"What is it?" He asked, looking over his shoulder. Suddenly his eyes flicked up to me, and they showed me something I hadn't seen before. He was scared. "I'll get everyone else." Jasper muttered, before he was gone. No matter how long I lived with them, I never got over how god-damned fast they were. Alice took my hand and tugged me into the kitchen, sitting me at the table. I hadn't dared speak yet.

Soon, everyone was crowed into the kitchen, including the pack down from LaPush. I sudenly felt very hot, as Embry took a seat next to me, and Paul sat on my other side. Did they always have to have a fever? Dear Lord...

"We've recieved a letter," Carlisle began, and I suddenly hated how he was speaking so slowly and calmly. I wanted him to say it quickly and just get it over with already. Had someone died? "From the Volturi." Carlisle finished. I had expected some kind of uproar. Growling. Hissing. Something. But everything was as silent as a grave-yard and that scared me even more. Of course I knew who they were. I had learned about them when I was thirteen. I had just forgotten how fightening they were. I was instantly reminded.

"What's it say?" Paul finally shattered the silence, and I was instantly grateful for his loud mouth.

"Let's see." Carlisle said, slipping a finger into the envelope and opening it. He pulled out a thick piece of paper. Parchment, my mind corrected. Who the hell used parchment these days? Just send a freaking e-mail. "Carlisle, It has been a long while since we have seen one another. I deeply regret the way we parted at our last meeting. We have known each other a very long time and I would hate to see such bonds broken by so silly a thing as a child. Although I'm sure by now she has grown into a lovely young woman. My brothers and I greatly wish to see her, as well as the rest of your family. This is our formal invitation to Volterra. We expect to see you here by the end of the month. I also very much wish to meet..." Carlisle trailed off, his mouth hung open as

if in shock. Which wasn't possible. Vampires couldn't go into shock, could they?

"Carlisle what does it say?" Esme suddenly asked, and looked over his shoulder. Her eyes scanned the page quickly before she drew a hand over her mouth. Then she looked at me. I felt my stomach drop.

"I also very much wish to meet the newest member of your family, the human Miss Riddely Grey. I am sure I will not be disappointed. Cordially yours, Aro." Carlisle finished, and I was sure that my world was falling apart because Embry was holding me by the shoulders to keep me steady but the room was spinning anyways. And Jasper wasn't even trying to help control my mood because he was already out the door, growling with rage and slamming it so loudly that the whole house shook and the glass of the front window cracked. I had never, ever seen Jasper so angry. Carlisle sat in the chair and rubbed his chin.

"What do I do?" I asked, but my voice didn't sound like my own. The voice that echoed in the kitchen was stronger than I was. It was braver. The silence stretched on before me like a death sentence. Carlisle always knew what to do.

"Well you can't go! I mean...she can't go Carlisle." Embry cut in, but his second sentence sounded an awful lot like a question.

Carlisle didn't respond for a moment, and I got that throw-up feeling in my stomach, where you know something bad is going to happen, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

"She'll have to go. With any luck, Aro with think her gift is unique enough that he'll allow her to live. But of course..." He trailed off, and I didn't need for him to finish his sentence.

"I'll have to be changed." I said, and I heard Esme choke out a tearless sob. Rosalie looked like someone had just blown out the candles on her birthday cake and then told her that the cake wasn't actually for her after all. Not that she'd ever eat cake.

"You'll have to be changed." Carlisle nodded, looking solemn. I had known, somewhere deep down, that this day would come. I knew that I'd eventually have to be changed. Hell, I almost wanted to be changed. But I had always hoped I would be changed by Carlisle or even Rosalie. I knew Jasper wouldn't be able to do it. He'd loose control and just kill me. I was starting to wonder if tears would come when I heard a sob that sounded all wet and heart-broken and horrible. It took me a second to realize it was coming from me. Embry pulled me tighter against him and for once I was glad his body was so warm. I wanted to be warm. Now that I knew I was going to be cold for the rest of eternity, I wanted nothing but warmth.

"Oh my god." I heard Bella finally say, as if the information had sunk in. I felt her cold hand on my shoulder. She knew what I was going through. The Volturi had threatened her. They had practically forced her to be changed. She knew what I was thinking.

I was fucked. With cherries on top.


	2. Chapter 2

Of three things I was absolutely certain. One-oh wait, that's Bella's line, not mine. Sorry about that.

In my case, there were none things I was absolutely certain about. I was pretty sure that the plane we were on was way too expensive. There was a high possibility that Jasper was going to start biting his leather plane seat if we didn't get in and out of Volterra as fast as possible. It was extremely likely that I was going to pee my pants when we eventually met the formiddable Volturi, and there was a 60/40 chance that it was going to storm.

So, once again, nothing was certain. We had been sitting on that plane for God knows how long, watching some dumb movie about some fish-or was it a turtle?-and I had basically chewed my nails down to a nub.

We had decided against bringing the wolf pack along. The last thing we needed was Jake getting all defensive over Nessie and phasing in a room full of vicious, non-vegetarian, non contract binded vampires. Embry had made a big protest, saying he wasn't going to let me just walk into a room with Alec and Jane unprotected. Jasper had not so clamly reminded him that I would have quite possibly the best protection ever known to man, wolf, or vampire. That security system was known as the Cullens.

It had tugged at my heart-strings when Embry had come to see us off at the airport. As I'm assuming you aren't half brain-dead, you've already realized that Embry has a bit of a thing for me. And maybe, possibly, I have a thing for him too. But I would never in a million years fall for a shifter that hasn't imprinted. That's just heart-break wating to happen. I was a little hormonal,

and maybe even a little desperate, but I wasn't stupid. I didn't need a boyfriend that bad. And I certainly didn't like Embry enough to risk my heart getting broken. He didn't seem to like me enough to risk breaking my heart either, so everything was fine. We flirted a little, hung out some, but it was always under the facade of a platonic relationship. We'd never kissed, never held

hands. We weren't "friends with benefits." God no. I wasn't a hussy. In fact, I prided myself on being quite immune to charm that came in the form of supernaturally good looks. Sure vampires were beautiful, but I knew why that was, so I had over-come that, and was no longer stuck in awe of their beauty. Was I a little jealous? Hell yes. Was I willing to give up my mortality for a nice

body and good hair? Hell no. But it seemed I wasn't exactly going to have a choice in the matter, so I figured it was better I was being transformed into some hot vampire than a fugly troll or something. Now that would be worse than the nightmare I was already living in.

The plane was nearing the city when Jasper moved to sit beside me. I loved that guy like a brother. And a dad. And I knew I was probably one of the only people he'd trusted himself with to actually care. Alice and myself were probably the only ones that got to see him like we did. We got to see behind the mask. We got to comfort the man trying so hard to be good. And God knows I was jealous of Alice for finding a guy that awesome. I only wished I found my own Jasper Hale someday.

"Everything's going to be fine." He tried to assure me, and a wave of calm washed over me. But I knew his tricks. I knew his game. I smiled lazily over at him from my seat. The day of travelling had me feeling tired and loopy.

"If everything was going to be fine, you wouldn't have to say it." I challenged him, and to my surprise he didn't argue back. That was scary in itself. Then he threw his arm around my shoulder and hugged me. And Jasper just wasn't the kind of person to hug

people. That scared me even more.

"You're a weird kid." He said, in a completely clam and Jasper-y way.

"I think I've been told that before. In fact, I think it was you who first told me that, when I was six years old and climbed into your lap when Rosalie tried to pick me up." I laughed, remembering how terrified I had been.

"Like I said, you're a weird kid. Most people would chose to run away from me." He said, but it almost sounded like he was disappointed. He was loosing his edge.

"Not me. You always reminded me of my older brother. And my dad a little bit too. And you have been one of the best friends I've ever had. And I'm so proud of you for-"

"No goodbyes." He hushed me, but he sounded almost pained. This was the side of Jasper people usually didn't get to see. The side that was still human.

"I'm not saying goodbye." I whispered, the unsaid "yet" lingering in the air. We both knew the situation didn't look the brightest. In fact, it looked the farthest from bright you could get. "When I'm changed, we can help each other. We can help each other not eat people and be good. We'll get through it, and I'm sure Alice will have her hands full, but she won't mind." I shrugged, smiling a little again. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

"Yeah." Was all Jasper said, and that set my alarm bells ringing. I pulled away from him and looked at his face.

"You don't think they'll let me leave with you guys. You think they'll make me..." I trailed off, not wanting to say the rest. Jasper smiled softly.

"You were always pretty smart too." He muttered, just loud enough for me to hear. My stomach sunk and I leaned back against him, burying my head into his shoulder. I loved my family. I didn't want to leave them. I didn't want to live in Italy with all these...monsters.

"I used to think becoming a vampire or a witch or a mermaid would be the coolest thing in the world. But now that it's going to happen...I feel trapped. Like I'm suffocating." I muttered, barely loud enough for my own ears to hear but I knew he picked up the sound.

"You should. It's different when you have a choice. When it's forced, everything suddenly feels wrong. And it's not fair. And I wish this wasn't happening to you." He said, his voice laced with sorrows and ghosts from his past. I didn't respond because I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. It wasn't fair. He was right.

"You guys will be okay though right? They won't...hurt you or anything." I asked, almost afraid of the answer. My stomach lurched when he didn't answer. "Oh God...this is all my fault. I'm so stupid. If I wasn't such a stupid kid and gone looking for vampires maybe...Oh God I'm such an idiot." I cursed myself.

"Don't say that. You coming into our family was probably one of the best things that happened. You helped make me a better person. Never forget that." He said. I looked up at his face and tried to smile, but it turned into more of a grimace.

"Now you sound like you're the one saying goodbye." I protested, but then the fasten seatbelt sign flashed on and Jasper was back in his seat beside Alice, sqeezing her hand like his life depended on it. This was killing him. Me being with them right now, going where we were going was killing him. I was so incredibly stupid.

Alice shot me a sad smile that I couldn't return. I looked towards the front of the plane and fastened my seat-belt. Looking out the window I saw that rain had started to pound against the glass. A perfect representation of my mood as the plane slowly decended onto the ground. Into hell.

Actually, if Hell looked like Volterra did, it might not be so bad after-all. The grounds were simply breath-taking. The quick view I got of them while rushing out of the rain was enough to tell me that. My tennis shoes were soaked and squashy and felt like wet slime. The rain was cold too. After all, it was Febuary.

I tugged my coat tighter around myself. The halls of the palace or building or whatever the hell it was were dark except for torches. Were these people stuck in the middle ages? I mean, had they never heard of electricity? I got that the whole gothic theme was intimidating, but it was in no sense practical or convenient.

I was suddenly shocked into the center of a cold circle and I realized my family had converged around me, forming a sort of vampire blockade all around me. Carlisle was at the front. To his right was Jasper and to his left was Rosalie. I could practically hear the snarl ripping at Rosalie's throat when a dark, cloaked figure approached. Cloaks? Really? I was trying to be

brave and pretending that they were lame and stupid was actually kind of helping. Now I just had to forget that they slaughtered humans and drank their blood. Humans like me. Me, that was walking willingly right into their home. It was like being six all over again. And I felt just as stupid now, as I did when I had discovered vampires didn't like fan clubs.

"Felix." I heard Carlisle say in a smooth voice, and I felt Bella and Edward stiffen at my sides. Obviously, that wasn't a good sign.

"Carlisle, and...pets." He sneered, glaring at each of the Cullens. I was tall enough to see over Jaspers shoulder and when this Felix guy looked at me, I felt a shudder run up my spine. Then Jasper moved, blocking me from view, and I was free to look away.

Those eyes...those blood red eyes. I closed my eyes and reached for the closest hand. Alice. She gave me a reassuring squeeze and when I opened my eyes again she shot me a smile. I loved her to bits.

"Aro is waiting for you." He said, and then abrubtly turned on his heel and started walking down the halls. I know we turned a bunch of times and went down stairs but if all of the sudden I

happened to be alone in the building, there was no way in Hell I would've been able to find my way out. I had a feeling it was designed to be that way. I tried to just focus on keeping my heart-rate down. The last thing I needed was for my heart to be basically putting up a sign that said, "HEY! FRESH, HUMAN BLOOD! RIGHT HERE! COME AND GET IT!" So far I was doing an okay job. My heart hadn't quite pounded out of my rib-cage yet.

Finally, we reached a big set of doors. And when I say big, I mean BIG. We're talking Hogwarts big. And those were some big effing doors. I held my breath, and secretly hoped that the doors would be stuck or something, and that we would just have to chill out for a few hours before we went in. But then I realized waiting would just be torturous, and I hoped the doors would just open already. The anticipation was killing me. Maybe literally.

Finally, with a loud groan they opened into a large, rounded room with a high ceiling. Three large, almost throne like chairs were perched near the back and upon them sat the ugliest vampires I had ever seen. Now, an ugly vampire is still very attractive, but, to me, by vampire standars, they weren't all that gret looking. I mean they were...old. Not wrinkle old but like...30's. And that was gross. Who in their right mind would want to be stuck in their thirties for eternity? Not me.

But then there were their eyes. They had almost a milky shade to them. Like cataracts, almost. I knew just by looking at them that they were dangerous, wise, cunning, and deadly. They were them. Aro, Caius, and Marcus. The three. The head of the Volturi. And my worst nightmare. My werewolf "mate" ran a close second.

"Ah Carlisle! It's so pleasant to see you again!" Rose the one in the middle. Carlisle had taken the time to explain each of them to me. This was Aro. Without a doubt. I cringed. His voice was so...happy. So pleasant. Sacchrine sweet. So fake it burned my ears. He walked across the hall and hugged Carlisle, which to me seemed awkward. After all, it was his greatest wish to see the Cullen coven annihalated.

"Aro." Carlisle greeted pleasantly. It sounded stiff in my ears. Forced. Carlisle was good at hiding his emotions though. But Aro had other means of seeing his reaction. He grasped his hand for a few long seconds and a haze came over his eyes. I wanted to snatch Carlisle's hand away and tell Aro to bugger off. He had no business poking around his mind. But then, that would be pretty hypocritical, since Edward read my mind. He probably got tired of having to hear my annoying, pointless, frantic thoughts all day.

"Well, well I see you have certainly had your hands full." Aro said, pulling his hand away. He looked around our group and I could feel everyone push closer to me. Trying to protect me from his roaming eye. It found me anyways, and it rested on my face for a moment too long for Jasper's liking. He let loose a feral growl.

"Jasper." Carlisle warned.

"So this is the human you've all grown so fond of. I see you're making a bit of a habit of this, aren't you Carlisle?" Aro asked pleasantly enough. There was a warning behind his voice though.

"A habit of defying to Volturi. And it cannot be tolerated!" Caius suddenly boomed, shifting in his chair. I had thought that I would fear him to most. But it was Marcus. His lack of intrest frightened me. He looked so...dead. Aro held up a hand, silencing his intolerant brother.

Thunder boomed outside and I resisted the urge to flinch. I couldn't look weak in front of these people. They looked for fear. They strived on it, lived off it. It was what they craved and what they were used to. I wouldn't give them what they wanted, even though they could probably smell the fear on me.

"Aro, this is Riddely. She-"

"I have seen her story from your eyes." Aro hushed him, and then extended his hand to me. "But I would very much like to see it from hers." Aro said. I knew he wanted me to give him my hand, and I was going to. But Jasper was growling even louder now, and some of the members of the Volturi were looking edgy. They were just looking for a good fight.

"Jasper it's fine." I said, pushing against his arm. He wouldn't have moved if he didn't want to. I didn't have to strength to push him. Luckily though, he shifted ever so slightly to the side, so that I could slap my hand into Aro's. I felt my life flash before my eyes. Literally. It all flashed too quickly for me to pick out individual parts put he must have seen everything just fine. He pulled away, looking amused, and intrigued.

"Interesting." He muttered, and Jasper pushed my hand back into the circle. I hated how much safer it made me feel with them all around me. I needed to be strong.

"Aro," Caius warned, shifting uneasily in his chair. He must have seen that look before. I was hoping that was a good thing.

"She has great potential Caius. Just like our darling Alice here, she glimpses the beyond. It is interesting that Carlisle should have a group so full of such special individuals." He said, and once again there was the hint of a warning in his voice.

"She knows our secret. She cannot live." Caius said. Jasper began to lower into an attack stance. Shit. All I could think was that he was going to do something stupid and get himself killed so I reacted on instinct. I jumped onto his back and wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around his neck. It didn't hurt him, I knew that. But it was enough to get his attention.

"Stop Jasper! You aren't going to help anyone by getting yourself killed." I said fiercly, waiting until he had straightened before jumping off his back. Aro seemed even more fascinated by this act.

"Tell me, Riddely, how you have come to be so comfortable with our kind." Now that he was asking me a question that required an answer, not just my hand, I was suddenly at a loss.

"I...I don't know. They're my family. They wouldn't...hurt me, or anything. They saved me." I shrugged, not sure how to continue. Aro tilted his head to the side, looking like a child that was about to be denied Christmas.

"Pity...you're such an interesting creature. To see you as an immortal would have been greatly enlightening. However, Carlisle, you already have too many taltened newborns. We cannot accept farther disobediance. I'm afraid-"

"Stop!" I shouted, launching myself out from the group and into the no-mans-land between the Cullens and Aro. I heard Edward and Emmett struggling with Jasper. This was one of the rare moments when I went insane. But who could blame me? This was my family. "I have a proposition for you." I hurtled the words at him before he could give the order to have Jasper put down. I heard the struggling stop behind me. Alice must not have seen this. Of course she hadn't. I hadn't planned this. It just happened. I felt a thousand eyes on me and ran an eye around the rest of the rank of the Volturi. I spotted a pair of twins near the chairs that Marcus and Caius still occupied. Alec and Jane. I'd heard of them. And Jane was looking at me like she was trying to kill me with her eyes.

Suddenly I wasn't Riddely Grey anymore. I was Riddely Cullen and no one looked at me like that or threatened my family. This wasn't going to happen.

"Now I'm going to make you a deal, but I have some conditions. Three actually." I said, holding up my fingers. Was this really me talking?

"Please...continue." Aro said, seeming genuinely surprised. I doubt many people could do that.

"Before I start, please tell your harpy bitch to stop glaring at me. It's unsettling." I sneered, pointing directly at Jane. There were an echo of hisses all around the room. Some from my family in warning to watch my mouth, and some from the Volturi as a threat to watch my mouth. Not surprisingly, her brother let out the loudest hiss of all, and looked ready to kill me. I raised a

challenging eyebrow. I could have sworn I heard Emmett chuckle. He was always my supporter when I went into crazy mode. He said he was Riddely Cullen's biggest fan. I loved him for that. I loved all of them for different reasons. And there was no way in hell I was going to lose them that easily.

"Jane dear, let's not be rude." Aro said softly, and I was as surprised as everyone else was that he hadn't just snapped my neck or allowed Jane to torture me for a spell. She looked chastned and I felt smug. All the crazy was going to my head and making me even more crazy.

"Now for my first condition, I want to finish high school before I get changed. I mean, I'm not sure about vampire society, but to us lowly humans, graduation high school is a pretty big deal. So, I will return to Forks to finish out schooling, and when I'm finished, I will come back here. You can even send a few of your drones along with me, to make sure I don't try and get out of

dodge before the end of the school year," I explained, surprised that I even sounded coherant. On the outside I must have looked like a superhero, but on the inside I was a quivering idiot who didn't know what the hell she was saying. "And when I say a few, I mean a few. You don't get to send your whole effing army back to Forks with me." I warned, narrowing my eyes at his gleeful

expression. His smile didn't falter. He was just too creepy. "My second condition is that while your little soldiers are guarding me, they will adopt the 'Cullen diet'." I smiled, using my fingers as air quotes. Once again there was a rumble of hisses through the Volturi. Aro, though, looked perfectly compossed. Caius was fuming. Marcus even looked mildly interested. There was a apark in

his eye. I doubted he'd seen this kind of disrepect in a long time. It actually made him turn his head. "While we're in my town, there will be no killing anyone. That's my home, those are my friends, and there's no way in hell anyone is getting hurt while we're over there." I said, trying to stress the point as much as possible. I could practically feel the anger rolling off of everyone but my family. They were scared for me. I knew it.

"And what of your last condition?" Aro asked, seeming even more amused than before.

"After this whole thing is over, The Cullens, Hales, and whoever else is a part of the Cullen clan, including me, goes free. No exceptions, nothing. It's not their fault I went looking for vampires. They don't deserve to be punished for it." I said, my voice more stable than I thought it would be. I shocked myself into silence. Aro paced around me for a moment. I felt all eyes on us

and for a brief moment I let my gaze flicker to the twins. They were fascinating for some strange reason. It was like they were too deadly to be so beautiful. It was wrong. Jane looked like she was ready to spontaneously combust. Alec...I couldn't read him. His face was impassive. Stone.

"And what, dear one, makes you think I would agree to these terms? What do I get out of it?" He asked. I had saved this part for last. I knew if I had said it first then Jasper and Rosalie and probably Alice would have been protesting. Who was I kidding?

Every Cullen in the room would have been protesting.

"I'll join your ranks. Five years of service." I said. He stopped in front of me and I heard Jasper and Rosalie start shouting at me that I couldn't do it. I heard the others struggling with them.

"Ten." Aro challenged. I began to feel small. I had to get this to work to my advantage. I couldn't do ten. That was too long. Who knew what I'd become after ten years with...them.

"Seven. Final offer." I said, and then held my breath. I couldn't believe I had just done that. I couldn't believe I wasn't already dead. I waited, and waited. He circled me again and then his fingers were on my neck, feeling my pulse. I doubt he needed to touch me. He could prbably hear my heart pounding inside my chest faster than should have been humanly possible.

"You certainly are confident aren't you? That your gift is so desirable to me that I'd take your offer. I believe that one would call you egotistical." He said, somewhat snidely.

"Desperate is the better word. I'm not fearless but I'm much too afraid to even process it now. I'm under no dillusions. I know you could snap my neck in less than a second if you wanted to. I know that if I have mistepped and misjudged how tolerant you are of insolence then I'm already dead. So what's the point of being afraid if you've got nothing to lose?" I asked. I wished

that I was as sure of myself as I sounded. I really should have gone into acting. I was apparently quite good at it.

"You are most fascinating." He said, stroking his chin. I heard Caius growl.

"Aro, you cannot seriously be considering this."

"Oh but brother I am. Think of the potential. We'd have insight into the future, since our beloved Alice decided not to join us. Which is still such a pity. You know the offer is always open." He said, smiling at her in a chilling way. Jasper growled lowly.

The animal had been set loose. Bye-bye calm, collected Jasper who made everyone else calm and collected. Hello Jasper that is very growly and extremely possessive.

"Aro," Caius warned again, but Aro had already made up his mind. He grabbed my hand and for a heart-stopping moment I thought he was going to kill me right there, in front of everyone. I squeezed my eyes shut and then opened them again when I realized he was only shaking my hand. Sealing the deal. Sealing my fate. Saving my family and dooming me. I wanted to say I was relieved and didn't doubt my resolve for a second. But then I'd be lying. Now that everything was set, I almost wished I had just kept my big mouth shut. But then my family would be dead, so I couldn't bring myself to regret it, no matter how scared of the future I now was. Four months. I had four months left of being human. Four months left of being flawed and imperfect and cranky and whiny and weak. Four months left of eating human food and going to the beach with my friends and going to school somewhere sunny and warm. Four more months to dream. Four more months to feel my heart beat in my chest and hear my blood pump through my veins.

Four more months to really be alive.

At that very thought a small part of me shriveled up and died.

"It's done then." Marcus said, and then got up and ghosted out of the room. I almost felt bad for him, but then he was a killer who drank human blood. I just couldn't bring myself to pity him.

"Ah how exciting! In four short months we will be seeing you again! Very good! Now, you said I could send a few along to make sure you don't try and scurry off anywhere correct?" Aro said, sounding like this was an exciting new game and he was desperate to play. But he already knew he was going to win. "Well let's see then...Felix. Demitri. Alec. Jane." He pointed off. Jane looked startled and repulsed but moved up to stand in front of me anyways. Now that my bravery was wearing off she scared me. A lot. Of course, I would never, ever let her see that.

"Well you don't have to be rude about it." I muttered, and turned away. Jasper was watching Jane carefully, but then his eyes settled on me and it was like something inside him broke. I ran back over and hugged him. I had long ago forgotten what my brother smelled like. I liked to imagine it was how Jasper smelled. I buried my face in his neck and felt the rest of the Cullens gather around us to hug me.

"You are quite possibly the stupidest human I've ever met." Jasper hissed, gently pulling me away from him to examine me. Although I was sure he had been watching to make sure I was fine the whole time. Alice pulled me into her own hug. She was only a few inches shorter than me. But she was stronger and her hug gave me strength. I wanted to believe this was going to all turn out okay but I dared not ask what she saw. I was afraid of the answer.

"I couldn't let you guys die that easily now could I?" I asked, stepping away from them to gaze at their faces. The shock of their beauty had worn off long ago, but that didn't mean they weren't all beautiful. Four more months to look at them. Then I'd be ripped away for seven whole years. "And don't forget Jasper, I'm still going to help you. When I get back, we'll suffer to keep

up the vegetarian diet together. I think I'll have figured it out already though. I'm much smarter than you." I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"How sweet." Jane cooed, walking over to our group slowly. Alec trailed after her like a little puppy and it kind of made me want to kick him, just to see if he'd run off with his tail between his legs. But I knew that a puppy and Alec were probably the farthest things from each other possible.

"I know." I cooed right back, before Jasper snapped me away and sheilded me behing his back. He had that crazy look in his eye he only got when he was wrestling with Emmett or Edward. "Oh calm yourself Jasper. She can't hurt me right now. I have a feeling Aro would be upset. She might pumble me to a pulp once I'm a newborn, but I like to think I pack a bit of a punch." I struggled to say. I knew I sounded like an idiot to the Volturi, but Jasper relaxed a little, and then I moved back to let Alice take over.

Suddenly the great doors of the hall opened and we were let out. It was like being freed from a prison, only I knew I was only on bail, and I'd get dragged back all too soon.

"Embry is going to kill us all for letting that happen you know." Edward said as we fell into step with me. Alice and Jasper were at the back of the group, with her trying to calm him. I was pretty sure it was working. Rosalie was on my other side. Bella was on Edwards other side, and Carlisle Emmett and Esme led the group. The Volturi lurked in between my group and Alice and Jasper. I was sure I only imagined the feeling that they were breathing down my neck.

"Embry will get over it. It's none of his business anyways." I huffed, angry at the way the conversation was headed. Edward more than anyone had wished that Embry and I would take that leap of faith and just date. I couldn't though. He was too good of a guy.

"You know how he feels about you." Edward argued, lowering his voice to give the illusion of privacy. We both knew everyone could hear every word we were saying though. My cheeks colored, wondering what the Volturi must be thinking of my stupid love life.

"And he knows how I feel about him. And we both decided we'd only end up getting hurt. I mean come on Edward, what did I think was going to happen? I'd be kept a secret, marry Embry and have little shape-shifter babies? More like I marry Embry, have little shape-shifter babies, he imprints, leaves me, and then I'm a single mother." I snapped, knowing I was right. Edward was a hopeless romantic though.

"And then Chris finds you and rapes you and then you die while giving birth to his werewolf babies." Emmett chimed in, dropping back to talk with us. Leave it to him to help me out of an awkward talk involving my feeling. Good old Emmett. Four more months of his humor.

"Yes. And then my children will be so tramutized, they'll spend the rest of their lives in an insane asylum. Don't you see? I will be the reason my kids end up in a nut house. And what kind of a mother would that make me?" I asked, resting my hands on my hips and trying to forget about the four deadly vampires behind me.

"How do you know he'll even imprint? Maybe if you'd have given it a chance you could have been happy." Edward pressed on.

"Edward! As awesome as it feels to be ridiculed for my lack of a love life, I would like to point out that even if I had been willing to get my heart-broken by a half-wolf man, he wasn't willing to risk breaking my heart. And I'm so glad he's that great of a guy, because he's going to make some girl very happy. Unfortunately, that girl is not me, because I am going to be frozen at

the age of 16 forever, and he didn't imprint on me, as much as I may have wanted him to. Period. End of story. Happily never after." I finished, turning away from him and storming away. It wasn't the Embry part that made me mad, but the fact that he was still pushing it.

"Well now you have a whole forever to find the right person. Took me a hundred years. You never even started looking. You just expect the right guy to come waltzing up." Emmett said. So...he had joined the dark side. Was I completely alone in my fight against getting at Embry?

"That's because boys my age are ignorant, immature, and only have one thing on their mind." I said, shaking my eyebrows suggestively. Suddenly it dawned on me what exactly they were doing, and I felt a rush of gratefulness for it. "And as much as I appreciate you guys trying to distract me, I would really prefer to wallow in self-pity. It's a human thing, and one that I particularly like to do, and since I have only four months left I will commence wallowing in self-pity...now." I said, and walked farther ahead of them, to be up with Carlisle and Esme. They calmed me, or maybe that was Jasper sending good energy my way.

Either way it helped to settle my rattling brain. I didn't really want to think about my future, other than the very near one.

I was going home! I actually got to go home for four months. I actually got a chance to say goodbye. I suppose that was a miracle in and of itself. I started to feel slightly better.

As I stared around the stone halls I told myself it was only seven years. Seven years and then I had forever to be with my family, live my life, and maybe even find a nice, single, vampire gentleman along the way. I could do this. I told myself that over and over again. I believed that part. I could do this.

I just didn't think I could do it and keep my sanity intact.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear lord, when I laughed and said you couldn't make a plane ride any worse while on our way to Volterra, I wasn't actually challenging you. I didn't think you'd feel an actual need to prove me wrong. I am sorry. Sincerely, Riddely

I signed my mental letter with a flourish, and sent it soaring out the window, into the clouds. I hoped he got the message and found a way to make this unbearable situation somehow more bareable. I had been sitting next to Jasper on the plane most of the time. That wasn't the problem. The problem came in the form of Jane sitting across the isle from me, glaring holes into my skull. I had tried to ignore it, but it was like her stare was actually heating my scalp up and making it burn. It was by far the most irritating thing in the world. I was itching to say something, and Jasper must have sensed my anxiety because suddenly a wave of calm washed over me. I hoped that somehow, I might be able to maintain this wall of silence between my family and the Volturi.

Emmett already looked ready for a fight with the way he kept popping his knuckles behind Alec's head. I had inspired him to be a little rebellious, and Rosalie was not happy about it. Finally, even the calming effect of Jaz couldn't contain Riddely Cullen any longer.

"Will you stop staring holes into my skull? I get that you hate me. Your message has been delievered. Mission accomplished. Whatever. Now stop looking at me." I snapped at her. She didn't look surprised this time, just pleased. Damn. I'd played right into her trap. She was trying to annoy me. Now that physical torture wasn't allowed, she'd just have settle for mental torture. I wanted to hit something so badly my hand balled up on it's own accord. Jasper sent a stronger wave of calm at me this time. It sort of made me feel loopy and drugged. Like how laughing gas at the doctors makes you feel.

"Thanks Jaz." I smiled, reaching over and ruffling his hair. Who did Jane think she was anyways? I didn't care whether she looked at me or not. The stare of her brother however was starting to annoy me as well. It was an undertone to Jane's hatred. Alec's stare was...unidentifiable. It was disgusted I was sure of that, but also curious and...confused? Almost like how someone would examine and ant while they roasted it alive with a magnifying glass.

"What are you going to tell people?" Jasper asked, and I knew he was referring to my human friends at school. Even though I didn'texactly like them, they were kind of charming, and I'd miss their immaturity.

"I don't know. Maybe i'll tell them I fell in love with Chris. And I'm going to run away with him to be the mother of his weird werewolf babies. ha. could you imagine their faces? I mean, with the werewolf babies bit in there they'd probably think I was crazy. But if I just told them I loved Chris and was running away with him...I don't know. They'll probably make themselves believe it. They love gossip. I'd be the talk of the school." I laughed, amused at my own mental image. "I mean Chris wasn't ugly. In fact, if he hadn't bullied me for years, then imprinted on me werewolf style, and then told me I was going to be the mother of his cubs, I might have actually had a crush on him." I nodded to myself, thinking back. He was attractive, but that didn't make up for his more...unappealing traits. "But, Jasper, I really don't know what I'm going to do." I muttered, finally settling down into a calm, but somber mood. "I mean...what do I tell Embry? 'Hey I'm going to be changed into a vampire, your mortal enemy, and then go live with the Volturi for seven years even though we may or may not have a thing. See ya later'?" I asked, almost laughing at how awful it sounded.

"Embry will understand. It's us I'm worried about getting over it. I'm sure Alice will have her hands full keeping me from going to abduct you and bring you home." He laughed, looking at Alice, who sat on his other side, leaning against his arm.

"I'll just have to keep both my eyes on you then." Alice joked, and then leaned forward to join our conversation. "I actually think running away with Chris wouldn't be a bad story. I mean, why not go out with a bang?" She smiled. I could see her worry for me though, sneaking around the edges of the fake smile she had almost perfected.

"Hmm...running away with the boy of my dreams? Sounds too romantic and stupid to be me. I think I'll say I got accepted into Oxford. I always wanted to go there. School in Britain, aka Harry Potter world. It would have been a dream come true." I sighed. I kept my voice light but the pain was there, inside my chest, wailing. I kept trying to bury it but you see, pain is not biodegrabable. No matter how deep a hole you dig, it will always be there. Festering away, eating you alive from the inside out. God I sounded so melodramatic, but it was true.

"You'll do it. When you get back from your...stay with the Volturi we'll start high school, and then you can go to Oxford." Alice said, reaching over and rubbing my arm. She had always been good at keeping my spirits up.I smiled a genuine smile, realizing it was an option. Not all my dreams were lost. Just most of them.

"And the next time I go through high school I'll be sure to actually go to Prom." I reprimmended myself. I still couldn't believe I hadn't gone. What kind of a girl was I?

"Thank goodness. I nearly died when I wasn't allowed to help you pick out a dress." She laughed, and flipped one of my brown locksbehind my shoulder. Suddenly Rosalie was in the isle, pointedly turning her back to the Volturi.

"Riddely, come with me." She said, and extended her hand. I took it without a second thought. She pulled me behind her down the isle until we reached the back of the plane, then she pulled the curtain closed behind her and turned to stare at me. Rosalie and I had always been close. Not as close as I was with Jaz, but closer than I was with Alice. She looked at me like a

daughter and I loved her like a mother. That's why I had been avoiding her. I knew how hard she must be taking it. I knew how hard it must have been for her to not start attackign every Volturi member on the plane. It made my chest hurt to think about what I had done to her. I saved her life but I was killing her in a much slower way. I was breaking her heart. She had never, ever

wanted this for me.

"You know this curtain and the length of the isle only gives the illusion of privacy right? They can still hear everything we're saying." I reminded her softly. She didn't even blink. She stared at me for a very long time. I started to feel even worse. It looked almost like she could cry. I hated that she couldn't because that meant she had to bottle all those unshed tears away. How

much had my actions filled the bottle?

Suddenly I was in a bone-crushing hug, but I didn't complain. I just hugged her back as hard as possible. I even let a few tears drip down my cheeks. But just for her. Just because she couldn't.

"I'm so sorry Ros-mom." I corrected. I had always had a problem calling her that. It had taken years to get to that point but Idid. I knew that just me saying that made her day better.

"No, I'm sorry. This never should have happened. You never should have...this wasn't supposed to happen. You were going to go tocollege and get married and have lots of kids and see them grow and watch your grandkids grow and you were going to have everything I never got. You were going to really live Riddely. Really live." She said, stroking my hair. I hated how everyone

kept talking about kids. I had always wanted them. For forever. Didn't every little girl pick up a baby doll and pretend to put it to sleep? Didn't they think up names and imagine their future as a mother? I did. And now that it was going to be torn away from me, I really preferred not to think about it. It was just...too much. Too soon. Too fast. It was all coming too fast and a little voice in the back of my head kept chanting: four months, four months, four months.

"It's okay mom. I'll get to be with you guys forever now. You don't have to say goodbye. I won't have to leave you guys. I won't have to worry how my death will affect you. Forgive me for being egotistical but I like to think you wouldn't take it lightly." I tried to joke. It only earned me a strangled sounded laugh.

"You shouldn't be forced into this. This should always be a choice." She said, shaking her head and pulling away from me.

"It was my choice. I made my decision to make Aro that offer. You know that as well as I do. I chose to save you guys and even if I could go back and do it differently I wouldn't. One door closes, another one opens, right?" I asked, hoping half-heartedly that she would let it go. Slowly, ever so slowly, I was trying to accept this. Her agony wasn't helping to heal mine.

"Not this door Riddely." Rosalie said, turning back to run a hand over my face. Her hand was so cold, and I wondered briefly if I would be that cold, and that beautiful when I was turned.

Suddenly I doubled over and clutched my head, groaning. My headaches always hit at the worst possible moments.

"Mom, paper." I said, and stumbled back through the curtain to my seat. Jasper was already there to help me as I yelped in pain.

The light visible through the window felt like it was setting my brain on fire. I reached over and shoved it closed, whimpering as another wave of pain ground through my head. Jaz soothed me, or at least he tried too, but this pain ran too deep. It always did. That didn't mean it wasn't appreciated though. Pencil in hand, I started writing lines. Line after line of dialogue flowed out from my hand, with only the occasional gasp of pain from my lips. This so sucked. I hated it. But I was glad to have it since it turned out to be my saving grace.

After what felt like hours, something inside me, some instinct that I couldn't name, told me I was done, so i dropped the pencil and curled into Jaz. He rested his hand on my forehead. It was cool and it made it feel slightly better. My hands were being held by both Rosalie and Alice.

"Read it." I gritted out through my teeth. I was always anxious to learn what I had written. It was fascinating to me. Like reading a mystery novel, but starting in the middle of the book. It was Edward's voice that read them to me.

"'Look I don't think your very smart-'

'Excuse me?'

'I said, I don't think you're very smart, and obviously you have a hearing problem-'"

"That's definitely Riddely." Emmett interuppted, and I felt his hand ruffle my hair. As stupid as it was, I always liked it when people did that. For some odd reason it made me feel loved.

"Anwyas...'And obviously you have a hearing problem.'

'And obviously you aren't very smart either.'

'And why, might I ask, is that?'

'Because I could kill you for it. You wouldn't even have time to blink and you'd be dead.'

'Yeah, well, I think I'll take my chances considering I'm in my house, and Edward has been listening to this whole conversation.'

'You think he could stop me? I'd like to see him try.'

'I'll take you up on that offer.'

'Edward don't-'

'When and where?'

'You guys are so dumb!'

'Right now, outside. No a fair fight.'

'Done.'" Edward finished, and I could already feel the anticipation rolling through me. This was definitely one of my more interesting pieces of work, and I could only guess that the person I was talking to had been Jane. Oh god, Jane was going to kill Edward. This was such a mess.

"Will someone please just shoot me now?" I asked, pushing the heel of my palm into my eye socket.

"Why? You've just let us know that I'll need to be prepared for a fight." I heard Edward chuckle. I groaned, which didn't exactly help the migraine.

"Where are my pills? Just let me O.D. in peace." I said, looking upbut instantly turning my head back into Jaz's shoudler when the light assaulted my eyes. I'm pretty sure I hissed too.

"I'll get you your pills, but there will certainly be no over-dosing going on. I remember the last time you gave yourself your medicine, you took four when it said take two and you passed out cold." I heard Esme say, sounding like a disappointed mother. Now that was an incident I was emarrassed of. I wasn't suicidal. I didn't actually try to over-dose. I was just overdramatic.

"I told you guys I thought they were Advil, and usually I take four of those and it helps. I didn't know that the other pills were like, a million times stronger." I muttered. I knew I was blushing. My family did an excellent job at distracting me from my migraine.

"Well, maybe next time you'll read the bottle." I heard Esme chasten before I felt her put two pills into my hand. I swallowed them without water.

The plane fell silent, except for the sound of my breathing, and my heart beating. I started to count them, wondering how many more I had left. I wondered how many more times I would blink before I didn't need to anymore. Hours passed, and eventually, after my head stopped pounding, I lifted my head to look around the plane. It was sort of dark, but no one was sleeping of course. One of the guys, I think his name was Felix, was reading a magazine. I turned my head to the side

to read the title. It was about lacrosse. I srunched my eyebrows together. Vampires liked lacrosse? Then I shrugged. It only made sense. It was a very violent sport where you got to hit people and make them bleed. It would only make sense that the angry bloodthirsty undead would enjoy it.

I suddenly realized that Felix had noticed my stare and I quickly turned away.

When Riddely Cullen wasn't keen on showing her face, I was suddenly reduced to plain old, scared Riddely Grey. Really it sometimes almost felt like I had some kind of personality disorder. I sunk down into my chair and nudged Jasper with my elbow. He looked over at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Out of all the ravenous vampires on this plane, I'm finding that the big one that likes lacrosse is particularly intimidating. I mean...he's definitely the only person I've ever seen that's even remotely as big and hulkish as Emmett." I kept my voice low. I almost hoped he hadn't been paying attention. But of course, I never had any good luck. Plenty of unwanted bad luck, sure, why not

but good luck was out of the question.

"The big one has a name." Came a rough, deep, almost animal sounding voice from right beside me. I must have looked like a stupid little girl the way I jumped. The fact that I knew he could hear my heart pounding rapidly in my chest and was probably wondering what my blood tasted like wasn't helping to ease the sudden tension in the air. Jasper was doing nothing to help it. In fact he

was probably contributing the most to it by doing all that hissing and growling. "It's Felix." He extended his hand in an uncommonly human gesture. My brain didn't have time to process the risks of actually shaking it before I already had and my hand was safetly back in my lap. God, was I that dense?

"I'm Riddely, but I'm sure you already knew that." I said, trying to sound nonchalant. But my voice betrayed me by shaking. Damn voice.

"I do. And I would like to personally inform you that forcing me to eat like an...abomination is certainly not on my list of things I like in a person...well, object at least. But, standing up to Jane was quite more amusing. So far, I'm probably the least you should beconcerned with." His lowered voice only made him sound more like a creep and even more intimidating. I wanted to shrivel up and disappear. Those eyes...I will probably never forget how much fear they managed to drive into me. It was like being a little girl all over again, standing face to face with a coven that I just knew wanted to eat me. It was...paralyzing.

"I'm already aware that the Wonder Twins don't like me. But thanks for reminding me. That was really great of you. Now, I'd like to try and go to sleep. I'm deciding to catch up on that since I only have four months to sleep enough to last me the rest of eternity." I was a big fan of sarcasm. It just came naturally to me. During my outrageously hormonal years, almost every remark that came out of my mouth with laced with the sturdy defense mechanism. Not much had changed, but I was working on it.

"You're insolent. You're ignorant as well. I'd be careful, it could get you killed once you're changed and you're no longer a...liability." Felix flashed a smile that wasn't too friendly and retreated to his seat. Jasper didn't relax. And even after I fell asleep, I was sure he was still tensed, ready for an attack.

So I slept for the rest of the flight, and I dreamed some very weird dreams. In some my skin was sparkling in the Sun and I was laughing and running through a feild with my family. In others I was running through the woods, at my normal boring human pace. I was being chased. I was scared. I was loosing this fatal race. When I woke up and got off the plane I tried to shake the images away. It didn't work, and Edward casting me worried glances wasn't helping matters at all.

"What was chasing you?" He asked as he slid up beside me in the car. I would have punched him if it wouldn't have done more damage to my hand than to his face.

"I don't know." I hissed, and then added on as an afterthought, "and stay out of my head. You creep."

He just sighed and shook his head. I got cranky when I was worried. Or scared. Or hungry. Or tired. Usually I was just cranky all the time.

The ride to the house was...easier. It was like coming home after a stressful, regretful vacation. But it was bitter-sweet. I knew now that I would only get to admire the forests and the rain and the people for four more short months. Now everything that had seemed annoying and troublesome took on a glamour. I would take all the bad of Forks over Volterra any day.

The Volturi rode in a seperate car, and for that I was grateful. It allowed me what might have been the last mostly private moment with my family for the next seven years. I cherished it, and I tried to keep their voices echoing in my head. Their words etched in my heart. I had never worked so hard to just remember everything and anything as I did in that one car ride. It made my chest burn to think that after this, Alec, Jane, Felix or Demitri would always be able to hear us talking. They'd always know what we said to each other. I tried to tell each and every one of them how much I loved them without really saying it. They got the message. Of course, Edward recieved it clearer than everyone else. He made it easier. I didn't have to tell him how much I was going to miss paino lessons or how much I was going to miss watching movies with them. I didn't have to say out loud how much it was going to hurt to be pulled away from all of them.

He already knew.

As we pulled into the drive-way, Edward was somehow tense and relaxed all at the same time. He looked at me in a way that said, 'I

am so sorry you have to do this.' before he exited the car. I followed after him and somehow my heart broke a little bit more at

who was sitting on the front steps. I wanted to curl up, die, and disappear.

Embry.

**A/N: **I know you're all probably thinking, WTF, this is a Alec love story, why is she tripping over Embry? But I can explain. If you grew up surrounded by incredibly hot werewolf guys, some of which were single, do you really think you'd be able to stop yourself from having feelings for one of them? I mean, I wanted to make this realistic and since Embry hadn't imprinted, I thought she would go for him. And he seems like the kind of guy that would go for Riddely. But have no fear, we all know it won't work out. Why? Well, because it _is_ an Alec story. Just stick with me here. Alec will come in soon. I'm just trying to build up character and story-line.


	4. Chapter 4

Jacob had been the first shape-shifter I met. After that was Paul. Then Quil. Then Sam. And then Embry, followed by the rest of the pack. But the first names were the important ones. Jacob saved my life and for that I was eternally grateful. But he was also one of my best friends. Paul said I was the only kid he could actually stand, and he was like a brother to me. But unlike Jasper, I felt like I was hanging out with my kid brother when I was around Paul. His immaturity, though I despised it so, always had a strange calming effect. Quil was just funny. Plain and simple, he made me laugh. Sam was kind. Even though he knew that I knew his secret without being anyone's imprint, he was completely fine with the fact. He loved me like a daughter because Emily was hoping for a baby, and he saw everything he wanted in a child in me. I don't know how. I thought I was completely stupid, hyper-active, and overly confident but he saw sparks of a defiance in me. Strength I still wasn't sure I had.

And then there was Embry. He was handsome when I met him, at 6. He was still handsome, and still looked the same. Except that the Embry sitting on my front porch was much more angry than the Embry that had bought me ice cream ten years ago. The Embry on my

front porch was shaking and growling as the Volturi pulled up behind us. My stomach twisted and I swallowed hard. It wasn't easy, looking at him. Everything Edward said came rushing back to me and made me feel sick to my stomach. So maybe, I had liked him more than I preferred to let on. Maybe, if we had ever decided to risk it, I would have found it way to easy to fall in love with him. But that was the precise reason I couldn't let anything happen. We both knew, deep down, that it could never work out. Especially not now. Embry needed a girl that was ready to settle down and have a life with him. But I had barely begun to live and I couldn't give that up for him. I couldn't be the wife that sat at home and made lunch for the kids and watched soap operas. It couldn't be me.

"Embry..." I greeted, as I walked up to him. The rest of the family hung back. They knew I couldn't do this with everyone around. Even if we weren't going out, I had to tell him that what we had couldn't be. We couldn't feel that way anymore. It couldn't work and just saying those words were going to hurt. Bad.

"Riddely are you okay?" He asked, turning his eyes from the car and looking at me with wide, anxious eyes. I hated how innocent helooked in that moment. I hated how my heart curled into itself, preparing for the blow I knew was coming.

"Let's take a walk." I said, ignoring his question. Without waiting for a response I turned and walked to the woods. There was a trail here, leading over into LaPush. I was pretty sure it was just for Jake and Nessie's sake. I stopped after about ten minutes of walking and leaned against a rock. I heard him lean against it and could feel him right next to me. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that he wasn't there and that I was just rehersing my lines. I tried to pretend it wasn't as hard as it was.

The trees were a lot prettier than I imagined. The light was warmer. The sound of a chipmunk scuttling through the underbrush didn't fighten me as it once had. Everything out there seemed...perfect. Clean. Pure. I wanted to just sit there forever and feel the air on my skin. I wanted to taste the life on my tongue. It smelled like dirt and wild. It smelled like freedom I could never have. After four months I'd always have to be in control. Control of my desires at least. I'd never get to just let go and be wild. Like the forest.

"What happened?" Embry asked. His voice was rough. He could read me well and knew that I was carrying bad news. Stupid animal senses. Or maybe that was just Embry. Maybe he was just more observant and caring than most people.

"I made a deal." I said. I had to get this all out at once or I wouldn't at all. I'd just end up a sobbing mess sitting in the woods. I took a deep breath. He waited as I steeled myself against what I was about to say. "I told them that I'd come back here to finish my schooling, and then return to Volterra. I told them that they could change me and that I'd join their ranks for seven

years but after that I was free to return to the Cullens. The Cullen Coven was cleared of all charges and there would be no move made to harm them." I rushed. Embry was silent for a long time.

"What did they say?" He finally struggled to get out.

"Aro accepted. He sent a few of the Volturi back to make sure I didn't try and back out on his deal. That's why they're here." I said. "They've agreed to follow the Cullens example and only eat animals while they're staying. I was surprised at that part." I tried to chuckle to myself. It came out sounding almost like a sob. I felt Embry start to shake beside me and reached out and

touched his arm. It slowed some, but his body was still humming with the want to change.

"Why?" Embry managed to struggle out. The word sounded so angry and broken that it brought tears to my eyes.

"Because they were going to kill us all. It was the only way. Now, everyone wins." I shrugged to myself.

"Except you." He growled, stepping away from the rock and standing in front of me. His eyes were intense and worried and sad.

Like a puppy too fierce for its own good.

"Yes. Me too. I get to stay with my family after I've served my time. When I come back I get to be apart of their family for ever. A real part. I won't be so...breakable. No one will have to be so careful with me anymore." I said, and as I spoke the words to myself they felt almost true.

"But you'll be away from me." Embry snapped, grabbing the tops of my arms. It would leave bruises but I just couldn't push him away.

"I was never with you." I stressed. This time my laugh was sarcastic and wounded. "We just...Embry there was never an us. There was you, and then there was me. There could never be an us and you know that."

"No I don't and neither do you. Just...don't give up on it." He was angry now.

"There's is nothing to give up on. Embry you could walk back into LaPush right now and imprint on some girl you've never seen. And then you would wish you could take back what you're saying right now. I know you. I know that you don't want to hurt me and I dont want to hurt you. That's all that would ever happen if we became something. It's just...not meant to be. We both have someone out there waiting for us to find them." I reached up and touched his cheek. This was easier than I thought it would be. It was still hard and although my heart was cracked it wasn't broken. Because what I said was true. Embry wasn't for me. He couldn't be mine because whether he knew it or not he already belonged to someone else.

"You don't believe that."

"I do." I argued. And it was true. "Embry wishing that this could happen won't make it any easier. You have been one of my best friends for...a long time. I don't want to loose that. I need you now more than ever but not in the way you want. It can't be in that way. You know that. I know you know that." I hadn't realized I was crying until he brushed a tear off my cheek. He looked

like he wanted to beg.

"I could kill them for making you do this." He growled. His pain transformed into something primal.

"It was my choice. And we both know that it wouldn't matter if I was going to be changed or not. We'd have this conversation eventually. We're both too smart to let ourselves get hurt. I just...be my friend? Please? That's all I can ask of you and I only have four more months to be your friend. Don't take that from me." I pleaded. It was kind of a low blow, to use my situation

against him but I couldn't help it. He was my friend more than anything else and I just wanted him to stay that way. Now more than ever.

"You know the answer is yes. No matter what I'll always be your friend. I guess...I guess I just kept hoping that maybe my imprint instinct was kicking in late. That it'd be you after all. You know that right? No matter who it is I'll always wish it had been you." He said, and ran a thumb across my cheek. I felt even worse now. His feelings for me ran so much deeper than mine did for

him. He sounded like he already loved me and I just...didn't. I just couldn't trick myself into thinking I loved him in that way.

It wasn't that I didn't care it was just that, deep down I knew there was someone else who would make it too easy to love them. I knew that it would be more painful than this because I would love them too much to let go. And it wasn't Embry.

"You say that now. But that girl is going to be amazing." I smiled at him, and he dropped his hand. I was relieved and upset at the same time. Sometimes the conflict of human emotions was a hassle.

"And who will you find?" He asked. There was no jealousy or even sarcasm in his voice. He sounded genuinely curious. I could only shrug. It was a good question. A question that suddenly filled my head with the fairytale images of a prince on a white horse and a castle. Dreams.

"I don't know. I hope they don't mind me being all...immortal." I joked. He actually could laugh finally. The weight of the sorrow was heavy but it would fade. It would lessen with time. And it seemed that I was soon going to have all the time in the world to allow that crack in my heart to fully heal. But even that knowledge did little to help me feel better as we walked back to the

house. Halfway back Embry stopped and realized that it probably wouldn't be the best idea to go back to the house with me, considering who was there. I watched him walk away, into the woods without a goodbye hug. And I had always gotten goodbye hugs.

But who was I kidding? I had hurt him as much as I had hurt myself. He needed time. So that's what I decided to give him. But before I went to face my family I sat down in the dirt and just cried. I really cried for the first time in a long time. The cries that are filled with sobs and snot and drool and that leave you with a headache and a need for a nap. The cries that leave you crumpled on the ground in sorrow. The cries that ruin you. And it honestly felt good to cry that way. Out there, I knew that it would probably be my only chance to let it out without someone else probably being able to hear. I didn't move for a long time. I didn't even think about going back for a while but when I did I was relieved to find that it wasn't so hard to walk now. It wasn't so painful to think about the future because my grieving process had been inacted. My body was taking initiative and deciding that it was time to try and start healing. I couldn't go into immortality being bitter and angry. What kind of vampire would I be then? I needed to be calm and resoltue so that my attention could be focused on being good. On being like Carlisle. I wanted to be like him. He was my idol. And to be like him I had to be strong minded when I was changed. I had to be ready and I couldn't do that if I was weak and mourning for a life I could never get back. I had to survive.

So, I wiped my eyes and walked back to the house knowing my cheeks were puffy and my eyes were red. I tried to keep my head held high and my breathing stable. I walked up the front steps and opened the door. Walking in, the house wasn't as quite as I had expected it to be. Nessie raced down the stairs to my side, yelling at me that we were moving my bed into her room. Esme was cooking something in the kitchen and the smells and sounds of the stove were drifting to me from there. Emmett had the T.V. on in the living room. Edward was playing the piano somewhere in the house. Once again, they were all trying so hard to distract me.

Edward probably liked all the noise to distract him from my utterly depressing thoughts and I once again pitied him having to hear them. I sighed, almost contentedly before I remembered who else was probably lurking around the house. My body automatically tensed at the thought of that hulk Felix, and then stiffened compltely with the image of Jane flashing in my mind. Demitri's face was the next I shuddered at, but strangely enough, Alec was the last of them, and he didn't scare me like I knew he should have. He was just as dangerous. Probably more so but...he seemed so much like Marcus. Almost like he was too dead to even feel anymore but then I remembered the weight of his glare. And the hatred he had for me reminded me that he was just as big of a monster as any of the rest of them were. A cold, emotionless, blood-thirsty monster that was going to be watching me like a hawk for the next for months. I shivered so badly it was almost a convulsion.

"That's...awesome Nessie." I said, smiling despite myself. She was so happy all the time. She seemed so alive that sometimes I forgot she was half vampire. That was, until she moved at lightening speed and I was left blinking at open air. I shook myself when I realized she'd sped into the kitchen. I followed after her. She was sitting on the counter, talking to Jake, while Esme was over the stove, steam rising around her. She didn't break a sweat. Of course.

"Hi Jake." I said, smiling although it came out as more of a grimace. I knew he was going to hate me once he phased and saw what Embry and I had talked about. He, like Edward, was a big supporter of my getting at Embry. He would be upset, because Embry was upset, and I hated to think that I just might loose his friendship over it.

"Riddely." He nodded, and pulled me into a very heated hug before ruffling my hair. I smiled an actual smile this time. "So, you are going to be bunking with my lovely lady, or so I hear." He said, smiling that lumenescent smile of his. It was infectious.

"Apparently. I just hope she doesn't keep me up all night, talking about how _georgous_ you are, and how she loves you _sooo_ much. Really, it gets quite old." I said, watching in delight as Nessie shot me a mock glare. Jake pressed a kiss to her cheek and a little bit of jealousy tossed and turned in my stomach. Was it so bad that I wanted _that_? A love easy and simple and straightforward and _real_? A love that came without consequence?

"Well, can you really blame her? I mean, have you seen me?" He asked, looking extremely pleased with himself as he examined his arm muscles. It earned him a hard smack in the stomach from Nessie. He actually winced which I found hilarious. I couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up from my stomach. It felt good to laugh. It even made me feel better. I had always thought that laughter was the best medicine, and right now my belief was being reinforced. I appreciated them ignoring my puffy eyes and tear streaks. The last thing I wanted was them to question me about _that_.

"Anyways...where are they?" I lowered my voice, but even I, the human with horrible eyesight and bad reflexes, noticed how Esme lost her beat while stirring the noodles for a moment. Jake glanced around the kitchen before turning back to me with dark eyes. It was obvious what he thought about the current situation.

"With Carlisle. He took them...out. I just hope they don't hurt him or anything while he's teaching them how to hunt things other than humans. Bella projected her sheild onto him, so that Jane and Alec can't use their powers. But...we're all worried. Alice and Jasper went with them, just to be safe. At least now, if a fight does break out, the numbers will be a little more even." Jake shrugged, but I could see in his stance and hear in his voice that he was hoping they would get back soon. I knew for a fact that altering their diets was going to but the Volturi crew in a _very_ foul mood.

"And plus, Jaz is intimidating enough on his own. I don't think they'd try anything. They saw how angry he got when Aro even looked at you." Nessie added in, as much to calm her own nerves as to calm ours. My gaze flickered to Esme, as she was hustling about the kitchen at a blindingly fast pace. It was amazing, how fact things got cooked around here.

"When did they leave?" I asked, leaning against the counter.

"Right after you and Embry went on a walk." Nessie said. I looked down at the mention of it and tried to ignore how silence suddenly settled over us. They _so _knew something had happened. They were just too polite to ask.

"Right..." I said, and raised my hand to my mouth. My teeth began chomping away at my nails. It was a horrible, nervous habit of mine, and I wondered if it would be gone once I was changed.

Suddenly I heard a door open and not a moment later Carlisle was in the kitchen. I could just see the frustrastion on his face and soon Jaz and Alice were in the kitchen as well. They looked more irritated than frustrated. I wasn't even sure Carlisle _could_ look irriated though. He was just too nice.

"So...how'd it go?" I asked, feeling slightly awkward after no one had said anything for a while.

"It was...difficult. They weren't exactly pleased with the idea of having to catch the animals themselves. I guess they've gotten used to having people...just...brought to them." Alice spoke. Jaz growled and sat at the table. Carlisle shook his head sadly, and Alice looked - quite frankly - disgusted. I pulled a face too. Just the thought was...unsettling.

"That's...ew." I heard Nessie say, and she made a gagging motion with her hand. Alice only nodded in agreement.

"_Jane_ made me catch something _for_ her. I swear I've never met a more prissy...bitchy...snobbish...ugh!" Alice groaned, throwing her hands in the air. It was rarely that I saw her get upset, and this time I couldn't help but be angry with her. I could just see Jane's face, turned up in haughty pride at the idea of running through the woods to catch her own food. I almost would have thought she would want to catch the animal herself, so that she could torture it before she ate it. She seemed like a sick person like that. But then I realized she was going to make this situation as unbearable as possible. Of course she would refuse to catch her own food.

"I hate her." I stated simply, the only emotion in my voice boredom. It was a plain fact and I just felt the need to say it aloud. I wasn't sure I had in the past, so I just wanted to make sure.

"_Everyone_ hates her. I'm pretty sure her own _brother_ hates her a little bit." Jake said, joinging the conversation. Jaz was still fuming in the corner and Carlisle was helping Esme cook.

"Nah. He's just as fucked up in the brain as she is. I'm guessing they get along just swimmingly." I countered, liking this Volturi bashing. It helped me to let out some of my frustrastion with the situation. It was good therapy.

"Well all I know is that I hate _all_ of them." Nessie said, also stating it in the way I had. It was a fact. It was expected, and it was accepted. The Volturi, were just an easy bunch to hate.

"As fun as this is, I'm beat, so I'm going to go to bed." I said, walking around the room to hug everyone good-night. Jaz seemed barely aware of anyone, so I settled for patting his head as I walked out of the room. Rosalie had joined Emmett on the couch, although she was obviously not interested in the game. I hugged them from behind the couch and planted a kiss on each of their cheeks.

"I'll go up too." Nessie said, as she followed me up the stairs. I heard Edward playing the piano down the hall but decided not the bother him, since I knew the song he was playing was Bella's, which probably meant she was in there with him. They deserved their own couple time.

As I changed and got into bed, Nessie turned the light off and moved to her own bed. She collapsed and surprised me by not starting to rattle on about absolutely nothing. She left me to my thoughts, which were swirling and confusing.

Embry wasn't what I wanted to think about. I wanted to just move on from that now, but I didn't want to think about the future either. At least, not the scary future.

I couldn't think about the Volturi because I knew they had to be close by, and I was just going to end up giving myself nightmares. After all, they were dangerous and deadly and had just had what they probably considered a very unsatisfying meal.

I ended up just thinking about school. Tomorrow was Monday. That meant I had to go back. I had to face the halls of that damed place. But suddenly it didn't seem so bad anymore. In fact, I found myself wishing that the school years wouldn't end.

I just wanted more time. More time to appreciate everything. More time to be human and make mistakes. Just more time. But I didn't have that. I didn't have time to do any of that so I decided that the only thing I could do was no regret. I had to live like there was no tomorrow because I only had four months left. I wanted to make them count. I was going to _really_ live.

Even if it killed me.


	5. Chapter 5

Alarm clocks and I had a long, brutal history. It seemed we had been at war ever since I could remember. When I was little - too little for memories to be much more than blurry images - I had known that it was the alarm clock that pulled my parents from the bed in the morning. It was the alarm clock that had taken away my caccoon of warm bodies and sheets. So, even then, I hated alarm clocks, for the simple reason that they took my parents away.

My hate grew when I started school, because then the alarm clock would not only pull my parents to work, but it would insist on pulling me out of bed as well, and to the bloody kindergarden class that I was sure I was too intelligent for. So, alarm clocks fell farther down on my list of things I tolerated.

When I moved in with the Cullens, the alarm clock somehow managed to follow me there, and keep dragging me to school in the wee hours of the morning. It was ridiculous really, how early it decided to beep. I found it inhumane that it should shrill so loudly at me to get up, when not even the Sun had made an appearance. I mean what kind of cruel, heartless thing asked that of a person?

Then, as high school came along, I found that alarm clocks also had found a way to embed themselves into my cell phone, to remind me to do all those idiotic projects that were too easy for a simpleton.

Alarm clocks were officially the thing I hated most in the world. I hated them more than even the Volturi, and no I was not over-exagerating. I hated them with such a passion, that someday I knew I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I knew that in the end, it was either going to be me, or the alarm clock. So I waited in earnest for the day when the alarm clock rang just a little too shrilly for my taste. I waited for the day when it went off just a little to early and I finally lost it.

That day came the very morning after my sleeping arrangements had been changed. It was a Monday, which meant I was already in a bad mood. And then there was the fact that I was going to be changed into a vampire, and initiated into the most feared and vicious vampire coven in four months. Add to that the fact that four of said coven were probably surrounding the house, and you have one irriated, grouchy, tired sixteen year-old girl, and when that alarm clock went off, I lost it. I went completely bezerk.

It shrilled so loudly, _right_ next to my ear that all I could feel was rage as I sat up. I needed to hit it. I needed to _destroy_ it before I hit something else. I stood up, fully awake now, and tore it from the wall socket. I might have pulled the socket cover off the wall as well, but I was too blinded by rage to notice it. It was a stupid thing to be so angry about really, but I simply couldn't help it. I marched over to my window, threw back the curtains, opened it, and threw the alarm clock as hard as I could at the ground. I watched, in dismay, as it felt but didn't crack. Now I was positively livid. I turned around, and threw open my bedroom door, racing down the stairs and out the front door before I could even wonder what everyone else in the house was going to think. I swung around the corner and spotted the alarm clock on the ground, perfectly intact.

I growled, clentching my hands into fists. I hated that alarm clock _so_ much that it was almost unfathomable. I couldn't even comprehend how I could hate something with such a passion. I didn't care that it was an inanimate object that ran on batteries. I wanted it to perish. Die, the most painful death possible. I wanted to hand it over to Jane and let her glare at it for a little bit and use her power on it even though I knew it was incapable of feeling anything.

I walked across the dewy grass, aware that the sky was barely light enough for me to see by and grabbed the plastic devil. I pounded it against the side of the house, and then threw it on the ground again. I searched the ground and found a rock a small distance away. I picked it up and threw it at the alarm clock as hard as I could, putting all of my anger into the throw. The alarm clock broke into pieces but I wasn't done yet. I walked back over and threw the pieces, one by one, as far from the house as I could. I resisted the urge to run over to them and pound on them some more with my new friend the Rock. Then, when I realized that my anger still hadn't dissipated, I decided I would just have to scream at it.

"AH! Fuck! Fuck you! You fucking alarm clock!" I yelled at it, and then stomped the ground for good measure, just because I was so mad. Then, even though the Rock had done nothing wrong at all, I threw it as far as I could. I realized I was acting like a lunatic but I had finally had it. And I was living without regrets, so there was no going back now. I was still seething when I turned to go back into the house, and my breaths were coming in deep, ragged gasps. I just wanted to destory something else. Maybe break all the vases in the house or go tear up the garden. I hadn't felt anger like this in a long time. This was the anger I had reserved only for my worst temper tantrums, and I was ashamed to be reduced to such childish manners.

"Interesting display." I heard a cool, calm voice say from behind me, and my hairs stood on end as I turned around. There, leaning against the end of the house was probably the last person I wanted to see at the moment. Alec. One half of the evil duo that caused so much fear and pain and death. There he was, leaning against the edge of the house, looking perfectly collected. But I could see it in his eyes. A hint of amusement. Coupled, of course, with disgust for me being human and all. His eyes weren't as vibrant red as I had remembered. They had dimmed, after feeding on animal blood. But I still knew. "I wasn't aware that humans acted so violently towards inanimate objects. Really it's...enlightening." He continued on. I felt my blood chill at his voice and I shivered as I realized I was out here, alone, with_ him_ in the almost dark.

Suddenly, every member of the Cullen family was standing behind me, Jaz jerking me back behind him. He growled lowly and I could've sworn I saw Alec roll his eyes before he sped off back into the trees. Jaz practically dragged me back inside beside him.

Edward and Emmett were the only ones that looked amused, and Edward's amusement was probably only fueled by my unreasonable hate for the alarm clock I had just annihalated.

"What were you _thinking_, going out there like that?" Rose demanded, stepping up beside me, eyes ablaze. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. They were so god damn protective sometimes. It made me a little bit ill.

"I was _thinking_ that that fucking alarm clock wouldn't shut the _fuck_ up." I said, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I wanted to just go upstairs, take a shower and go to school where I didn't yell at alarm clocks or come face to face with evil vampires in the wee hours of the morning. I just wanted a little bit of normality in my life. Was that really too much to ask for?

"Watch your language." Rose scolded me. I usually wasn't a user of such coarse language but I was still fuming about it. I knew my anger wasn't _actually_ reserved specifically for the alarm clock. It was at the situation in general. I was angry with myself for still being upset about everything and I was angry with the world for being so utterly clueless about the current chaotic mess that was my life. The alarm clock had just happened to be the unlucky recipient of my phycopathic tendencies.

"Sorry." I said, even though in my head a string of curse words was strung themselves together. I wondered how Edward wasn't flinching. I couldn't help it. When someone told me to do something my mind automatically did the exact opposite. It was like some weird complusion. Maybe I really _was_ insane. It would explain a lot.

"Next time, just do it in the kitchen. I don't like you out of the house all by yourself." Rose said, as she ran a hand through her hair. I felt a little bit angry with her for giving me and order like that, but realized now was not the time to argue for my independence. Now I needed to get to school.

"Fine." I begrudgingly agreed (although I didn't really mean it), before stepping past her and heading up to my room to take a shower. I did so quickly and dressed in record time. I also found that the Mirror was upset with me for destroying its buddy Alarm Clock, and so decided to make me look extra tired and pale today. I glanced around the room before glaring back at the Mirror. "Well then fuck you too Mirror." I muttered to it, surprised at myself. Really, my anger was beginning to wear me out. I heard Edward laugh in the next room over and blushed when I realized he had heard me.

Stupid vampire hearing.

I walked down the stairs to meet up with my family in the garage. We piled into three cars. I rode with Jaz and Alice in his Jaguar. He was still upset with me, I could tell, but he allowed me to pull him into pleasant conversation on the drive to school. To my great dissatisfaction, I found that Jane and Alec insisted on being present at the school. Apparenlty I couldn't be trusted not to skip class and leave town. I wasn't stupid. I knew I couldn't get away from them, not with Demitri, but apparenlty they thought I was stupid enough to try something.

I was forced to accompany Jane, Alec, Jaz, Edward, _and_ Emmett to the office, where they explained that they had just moved from Italy, and were hoping to enroll in the school. I just sat in the chair next to Jaz, wanting to gag as the office administrator flirted shamelessly with Edward, Emmett _and_ Alec. Who in their right mind would flirt with _Alec_? Did he not simply reek of evil and Satin?

Jaz managed to send a wave of calm over everyone, as it was very obvious that the Cullens wanted nothing more than to pick a fight with the two Volturi members right there in the office. I should have known they wouldn't be taking their presence easily. They had, after all, wanted to kill Nessie when she was only a baby. Alec and Jane decided that they wanted to follow _my_ scheduel, since we were such _great_ friends and I would help them around school. Edward had tensed at this, and so had Emmett. Jaz just glared harder at them. The problem with that was that I had a few classes without any of my family. Which meant I'd be in a class with just the Witch Twins. Fun times. Fun times.

Edward looked like he was about to protest, but realized it wasn't a good idea. They wouldn't try anything here, at school, and as much as everyone hated them we realized that while they were here to guard me, they were also here to protect me. I was Aro's new toy and they had to get me to him shiny and healthy and ready to play with. There was no way in hell they'd hurt me or _let_ anything hurt me. They were kind of like my...guardian devils, since there was no way they could be related to angel's in any way.

Edward kept his mouth firmly shut. Emmett cracked his knuckles in a silent but clear warning, and Jaz kept close to my side as they all walked me to my first class which - lucky me - happened to be one of the classes I had without any of the Cullens. It also happened to be my least favorite class and, add two murdering feinds into the mix, you will get the worst hour of my life.

They stopped at the door, all crowding around me while Alec and Jane ambled along behind them. They were all tense. They were all nervous and I had a feeling I was going to have to _convince_ them to go to class. My stomach was in knots and I kind of wanted to throw up my breakfast. I also kind of wanted to take off at a dead sprint down the hallway, just to see how fast they could all react.

"Go you guys. I'll see you next class." I said, stressing the last part. Emmett was the first to leave, with a glare at the Volturi and a thorough hair ruffling for me, he walked down the hall. Edward left next, after searching my thoughts for any signs of distress. Of course, there were some, but nothing paralyzing or traumatizing, so he left rather reluctantly. I just knew that he was knee deep in Alec and Jane thoughts, making sure they weren't planning anything. Jaz, of course, wasn't a big fan of the idea of leaving.

"Riddely I can't just-"

"Jaz, if you don't leave right now, I'm going to be late, and then Mr. Harbor will yell at me, and you know I'll just yell back which will only get me in trouble." I tried to pursuade him. He only glared back at Alec and Jane, who had come to a stop a few feet behind us. They looked so odd, wearing regular human clothes, and with back-packs on their shoulders. They looked...well, not normal. They were too stunning to be normal but they looked less threatening. Except for the fact that Jane was still glaring daggers at me. Honestly I hadn't been aware anyone could glare for that long.

"Maybe I can just slip into the class and sit in the back. Just to keep an eye on things." Jaz tried again, but this time I literally pushed him.

"Jaz, _go_. I'll be _fine_." I said again, truely getting a little annoyed. It wasn't like I was going to crumble into a pile of ash just because Jane hated me. Tons of people hated me. My teacher for this class hated me, but that didn't stop me from taking it. Sometimes, you just had to deal with the cards you were given. These were our cards, so we somehow had to make them work.

"Fine. I'll be waiting outside the door after class." He said, before turning on his heel and walking away. When he finally disappeared down the hall I turned to see Jane and Alec staring at me. Well...Jane was actually glaring but, we already covered that. Alec, as usual, looked completely uninterested in anything around him. I turned on my heel, in Jasper fashion, and marched into the classroom. I took my normal seat at a long table and allowed Jane and Alec to explain their situation. I had almost kind of hoped that they would feel awkward and unsure in this setting, but they handled it with expertise. They were, after all, the greatest predators on the planet. They obviously had to know how to adapt to a new environment. I hated the fact that Mr. Harbor smiled and was nice to them. He was never nice to _me_. And I didn't even kill people. I wondered how he would be treating them if he knew what I knew. He only did it because he thought they were pretty. Stupid Mr. Harbor. He was speaking amiably with what were probably the two most dangerous beings in the history of the universe.

To my utter dismay Alec and Jane chose to take the two seats beside me, and I tensed in my seat. God, just kill me now. My heart pounded entirely too fast for my liking, and Jane didn't even bother to try and hide her glare. And damn it, the Cullen side of me didn't seem to want to make an appearance today, so I was forced to just sit there and worry like an idiot.

I watched the clock as the minutes ticked by, and slowly, ever so slowly, everyone began to trickle in. It was stupid really, to feel safe just because other people were around. Alec and Jane could wipe them out without even trying. But they wouldn't. Because they were a part of the Volturi - a group of vampires hell bent on keeping their existance a secret. There was no way they'd chance being found out just to kill me.

Finally, my human friends came through the door. Now, there were only about two humans in this school I actually could stand, and they were the ones I had this class with. Only now, I was stuck in between two stupid vampires and couldn't exactly speak freely to them. Their names were Tuck and Charlie, and yes, they were cute human boys. But, there was no romantic feeling at all between us. It was strictly platonic and I liked it that way.

They turned and saw me and waved, smiling brightly, before they noticed their seats were taken. They looked confused but didn't falter, because they were actually intelligent. They instead moved to the isle in front of me, and took two seats there. Charlie was directly in front of me, while Tuck was on his right. They turned in their seats.

"Riddely, where ya been?" Charlie asked, reaching back and giving me one of those cool sideways high-fives. His voice was happy and, just like Nessie and Jake, it was infectious. I was so glad to see them. I hadn't realized how much I had missed their mindless, but not annoying chatter. They were some of the few people I could talk to about comic books. They were the only people I could talk to about _good _books, and they were the only people that didn't seem ridiculously intimidated by my families good looks and wealth. They were comfortable and human and happy and in that moment I envied them tremendously. But still, I couldn't help the smile that stretched over my face. I tried to forget the two vampires on either side of me. It was easier said than done though. I could just _feel_ their eyes on me.

"I had to go out of town for a few days. Family stuff. Why, what did I miss?" I asked, and sat forward in my seat. I hated having to lie to them, but it was just how it had to be. It was either lie, or risk getting them killed. And I couldn't risk them getting killed, because they were probably the only humans I was ever going to be able to like.

I was almost tempted to just move up to their row, but I realized that Alec and Jane would only follow me, and that would look really creepy and suspicious. Tuck and Charlie glanced at each other before they both broke into wide smiles and looked back at me, practically buzzing with excitement.

"Okay, so you know how we had the science fair right?" Tuck asked, and I nodded. They were both extremely smart when it came to science, especially physics, and they had been working vigorously on their science project all year.

"Well, we were there and we had our project all ready and man it was _awesome_." Charlie jumped in. One of the reasons I loved them was because they were intelligent, but not snotty. They could still joke around and use hip words and just be teenagers. But intelligent teenagers nonetheless.

"And so we won first place and everything, but _then_ we also won _ten thousand_ dollars to go towards college!" Tuck yelled, excited. His energy was lighting up the room. He was almost like Jaz, in that sense.

"Each?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Each!" Charlie said, practically jumping up and down in his chair. I smiled even more brightly, which I hadn't thought was possible. I was barely even aware of Alec and Jane then, because being around them made me feel too normal. Too human.

"Oh my gosh I'm so proud of you guys! That's so great!" I cried, although there was now a small pit of sorrow in my stomach. I would really miss them. And their excitment and bright ideas and optimism. I was going to miss being proud of them and talking about the future and how we were going to all go to the same college and be amazing.

"Thanks Riddely, but we couldn't have done it without you kicking our asses to finish the project." Tuck said, and he reached over to lightly punch my shoulder. I could only laugh.

The whole conversation though, their eyes had been flickering between me and the Devil Spawn on each of my sides, so I knew what question was coming next.

"Who's this? You haven't introduced us." Charlie spoke up, motioning between Alec and Jane. I opened my mouth to respond. I probably would have said something witty and great too, if Alec hadn't interuppted rudely.

"I'm Alec, this is my sister Jane. We just transferred here from Italy and since Riddely and us have a...history, we're following her, just to get to know the school." Alec said. He didn't extend a hand to shake and I wanted to punch him very badly. I hated how the lie sounded so true. Stupid vampires. Why couldn't they have just let me handle it? Why did they have to _talk, _or even be there at all? I wasn't going to make a break for it in the middle of class. My hands balled into fists under the table and I resisted the sudden and strong urge to hiss at them. It was a good thing I had such amazingly strong will-power.

"Oh...cool." Tuck shrugged, before turning back to me. Like I said, they weren't stupid. They could feel the danger and warning radiating off of the two as well as I could. They were probably too smart for their own good.

"So, I was wondering what you were doing this Friday, because my mom is making that cool pasta stuff you like, and Charlie was gonna come over, so I was wondering if you wanted to hang out. We could play video games or something. I just got the new Assassin's Creed." He smiled, and his eyes twinkled in excitment.

"Really? Oh yes! I love that pasta stuff. I'll ask my parents if I can go." I said, smiling again. It would be nice to just hang out like everything was normal. Tuck suddenly broke out into a smile.

"You know kid, sometimes I forget you're only 16 and can't just drive yourself over." He laughed, and I mock glared at him.

"I am _not_ a kid." I said. There had been a time last year, when he had called me kid and I had exploded on him about how I was just as, if not more, mature than he was. It was kind of our own little inside joke now.

"Oh, and you can bring that Nessie girl too if you want. She is wicked at video games, it's _ridiculous_." Charlie added on. I rolled my eyes and nodded. That would probably make everyone a lot more comfortable anyways.

"You only say that because you have horrible reflexes and suck at video games. I mean, _I'm_ better than you." I said, shooting him a disappointed look before I laughed again.

"Whatever kid." Charlie said, before he turned in his seat as Mr. Harbor walked over and shut the door. That was the signal that class had officially started, and we were all going to shut up now. God I hated that class. I leaned back in my seat and stiffened when I realized how close Alec and Jane were to me. It made my skin crawl.

I reached into my backpack and pulled out my textbook and paper before looking to the front again. I read the board and realized, in a total face-palm moment, that I had forgotten to do my homework. Again.

"Shit." I muttered under my breath. I heard Tuck snigger in front of me as he turned back and watched as I rifled fruitlessly through my folders for the work I hadn't done. I kicked his chair as hard as I could but he just kept on smirking. I really hated that class.

Mr. Harbor was walking around the room, taking individual papers up. For a psycology teacher, he certainly was O.C.D. about homework. He had to have it all neatly stacked and orderly or he practically had a heart-attack. I sunk lower in my seat as he approached my aisle. I just wanted to disappear. As he passed in front of Alec, he roughly shoved Charlie's chair closer to the table, so that he could fit his hefty stomach through. We weren't exactly his favorite students.

"Miss Grey, may I inquire as to where your homework is?" He asked. Who said inquire anyways? I wanted to give him some smart-ass remark, but instead settled for a vaguely rude one instead.

"Not here." I said, hoping he would just leave it at that. But of course, he was Mr. Harbor, so it was impossible for him to just move on. He lived to make my life as difficult as possible. He was forced to milk this for all it was worth, since he seemed to have some problem with me passing his class with an A and graduating a year early.

"Is it at home?" He asked, and I could feel as everyone's eyes started to turn on me. They were always hungry for a teacher-student blowout. It was sickening, really.

"No." I answered shortly, trying to keep my anger contained. I was pretty sure he wanted me to go off on him, just so he'd have an excuse to send me to the principles office. And I would simply not give him the sattisfaction. I could see Tuck shaking with silent laughter in front of me.

"Where is it then?" He asked, and now everyone was watching. I wanted to glare at them like Jane. Or maybe just have Jane glare at them because I was sure she was a lot more intimidating than me.

"I didn't do it." I shrugged, but sunk lower into the chair.

"Miss Grey, no matter how low you sink into that chair, I can still see you." He said, and he grinned that awful grin he reserved only for when he was taunting me.

"I'm aware." I snapped, sitting back up in the chair. God why couldn't he just move on already? Was he bent on making my life a living Hell? Well, he was too late, it already was. What I hated most about this situation, was the fact that Alec and Jane, the feared and evil Witch Twins were sitting on either side of me, watching as I got told off by my teacher. How humiliating.

"Well then, Miss Grey, I suggest that next time you don't want to do your homework, you decide to neglect your responsibilities in another class. I don't tolerate slackers. You will hand that homework, and tonight's homework into me tomorrow, along with 50 lines that say, 'I will always do my psycology homework, because it is my favorite class.'" He finished with a smile, before he walked away and finished taking up the homework.

This time, it was Alec I heard sniggering, and I sent him what must have been a half surprised, half angry look. His face looked almost as stony and frigid as ever, but his eyes were definitely a different story. There was...amusement there, which both frightened and shocked me. It shocked me because I had been hard set on thinking that he was emotionless in every way. Well, there went that. And I was frightened because he was looking at me looking at him, and I could see that he was wearing brown contacts. If I stared hard enough though, I could see the marron shade of his eyes around his pupil, where the contact did not reach.

Staring intently into the eyes of someone like Alec, however, was not something I preferred to do, so I quickly turned in my seat and glared instead at the board.

I heard Tuck let out a snort of laughter after Mr. Harbor got a little farther away and my attention immediately snapped back to him. My eyes narrowed.

I kicked his chair again. Harder than the last time.

I really, _really_, hated this class.

**A/N:** I would just like to thank everyone's who has been reviewing this story! I already got 5! And that's not being sarcastic! I find that to be a great number and your reviews mean more than you probably know! Thanks you! (:


	6. Chapter 6

I was in Hell.

That was it. There was absolutely no other explanation for how I could be here, pretending to explain the psycology assignment to the two people that probably hated me most in the world. Well, actually, I was pretty sure that Jane took the number one place, and my werewolf mate took second, but Alec was definitely thrid. Or maybe fourth depending on what Demitri thought of me. But that wasn't the point at all. The point was that they knew exactly what they were supposed to do, but Mr. Harbor still _instisted_ that I explain it to them. And as fat as he was he had the ears of a hawk, and would be listening for me to do exactly what he said.

"So, all you have to do, is read each scenario and try and diagnose the patient, then you have to explain how you would go about treating their condition and decide whether or not it's serious enough to require medication." I said, pointing to the page. "You can get all the information you need from your book though." I hurried to explain, and I kept my eyes on the paper.

I didn't get a respone, so I assumed that they understood, and then flipped through my textbook to get to the right page. I was good at diagnosing things, and I had always been fairly good at deciding what to do about it, but it was the medication part that always held me up. I mean, how can you decide whether or not it's serious enough? What if you're wrong and the person goes on a killing ramage the next day at school? You would be held responsible and then probably be in need of a shrink yourself.

I tried to keep focused on my work but sitting in between Jane and Alec was making me nervous and figgety. I glanced up and saw that Charlie was launching Hornets at Tuck, having already finished his assignment. Tuck was still bent over his paper, writing vigorously, and swatting away the paper pests that continued to assail him.

I just wanted to be sitting with them, not doing this paper, but I knew that I couldn't so instead I decided to just get it done so that maybe I could go to sleep before Mr. Harbor called us back to order.

Unfortunately for me, the assignment took much more time than I thought was necessary, and I had only barely finished my last sentence when Mr. Harbor returned to the black-board with a fresh piece of chalk in his hand. That was a bad sign. That meant we were going to be going over the answers, and dissecting the problem. He _always_ called on me for answers. Even when he could just tell I didn't know the answer. No, _especially_ when he knew I didn't know the answers. Yet another reason why I hated both him, and his class.

I followed along with the board, and made corrections where they needed to be made. The only things I had gotten wrong happened to deal with whether or not they needed medication. It was quite infuriating, really, how I could never get the hang of it.

"Miss Grey please read us your answer for number 8." He called on me, without even looking up. Because if he looked up then he would have been able to see that I was definitely not raising my hand. I was sure I was going to have an anorism. I heard both Tuck and Charlie start to giggle in front of me. Like, _actually_ giggle. This time I kicked both of their chairs at the same time, before I turned my attention back to my paper.

"Um, well...I diagnosed them with self-degrading thought patterns, and decided that what they probably needed was some therapy with a psycologist trained in that field. It didn't exactly seem to be that serious or to be affecting his daily life at all, so I decided that, if he got worse, _then_ we would perscribe medicine but at the moment it was probably unnessecary." I finished, feeling quite pleased. It was one of the few I actually was pretty sure about.

"And what, Miss Grey, made you think it wasn't affecting his daily life all that much? All the scenario said was that he still held his job, that doesn't mean he doesn't dissolve into a slobbering mess when he's at home." Mr. Harbor already started to correct me, and I gripped my pencil much tighter than was needed. He turned back to the board. "As we all _should_ know by now, self-degrading trains of thought often lead to clinical depression and suicidal tendensies. Miss Grey had a correct diagnosis, and her decision making process for what to do was adequate, however her mistake, as always, lay in medication. This patient, probably more than some of the others, should have been perscribbed anti-depressants." He explained, finishing the written sentence with a flourish, and rage boiled in my stomach. Oh, here came Riddely Cullen, whether she was wanted or not. And she was definitely _not_ wanted.

"Is that your answer for everything, Mr. Harbor?" I asked, startling most of the class. You didn't speak without raising your hand in there. You just...didn't. It was a huge no-no. But there I was, not caring at all. Stupid, stupid Riddely. "Is that what you think is best _all_ the time? Because I'm looking at the board and to me it looks like you think every single person who even visits a psychiatrist should be handed a bottle of pills. Is that _you're_ method of treatment? Drug them up until they're barely even aware of what's going on? Have you no faith that they can pull themselves together? It seems to me-"

"Miss Grey!" Mr. Harbor yelled, after recovering from his shock. He always seemed so shocked, whenever I called out in class. I honestly thought he would have gotten used to it by now. He continued, "You will stop your insufferable rambling, and see me after class. Now, I will ask you to remain silent for the remaining" he checked the watch hanging over the door, "six minutes of this period, is that understood?" He asked. His face was red and jiggled a little as he talked. I wondered for a moment what he looked like when he ran. Not that he ran. He probably only _walked _when it was absolutely unavoidable. He reminded me of a chicken. Or maybe a turkey, now that I focused on the flap of skin dangling where his chin was supposed to be. He made me sick. He was a disgrace to the word teacher. If he was ever fired, I probably would have thrown a party.

I didn't bother to give him a response other than a huff. Someone in the class said, "ohhhhhh" and I wished I had known who it was. I would have gone over there and punched them in their kidney. And damn it, _that_ hurt.

I heard Jane let out a small, delighted giggle beside me. Her giggle was just terrifying. It was so unhappy and cold that it made me want to hide under a blanket and shove earplugs into my ears. Riddely Cullen wasn't quite gone yet though, so instead of shying away from her like any intelligent person would, I glared over at her. She only looked at me, seeming pleased with herself. I was almost tempted to start diagnosing her many mental problems, but then looked at the clock and just huffed again to myself. Vampires were so annoying. And cocky. And if they weren't so scary and intimidating, I would have just told them off. But, unfortunately, they were pretty effing scary.

When the bell finally rang, everyone shot out of their seats faster than should have been possible. I had this funny little joke with myself that when the bell rang, everyone turned into a vampire for exactly six seconds - just enough time to get them out the door. Hillarious right? I was just so witty...

I usually would be the first one out the door, because I absolutely despised this class, but now I took my time putting my stuff into my backpack, and I walked to the front of the classroom in shame. I knew probably most of my family and Jane and Alec were waiting outside the door. They were about to hear me get scolded by some stupid man that dared called himself an educator. I wanted to shot something. Particularly Jane. This was _somehow_ all of her fault anyways. But Mr. Harbor would have sufficed.

The loathed man turned around in his seat and put his hands on top of his desk. He watched me carefully as I let my backpack drop off my shoulder and stood in front of him, silently awaiting my punishment. I tried to stop my eye from twitching as he started drumming his fingers against his desk. His wedding ring glinted in the light and, not for the first time, I wondered who in their right mind would ever marry him.

"Well, Miss Grey here you are again. Why is it that every other teacher in this school seems to think you are the most well-behaved and talented student, yet you have trouble keeping your attitude in check while in my class?" He asked, looking curious, sarcastic, and all-too pleased with himself. _Because you're a dick._ Was what I wanted to say, but even _I_ was not that rebellious. I wanted to graduate you know. I had goals.

"I don't know." I just shrugged, although on the inside I was telling him exactly what I thought about him, his class, and my attitude towards it. And in my head, my arguments were perfectly justified.

"Well then maybe you should take some time to try and figure it out. Maybe you might want to even look over your textbook, and study more about the behavioral disorders that are often found in teens." He smiled a not friendly smile and I wanted to punch it right off his face. How _dare_ he! "But, you can do that while you're serving detention Thursday." He said, and handed me a little form. I was fuming. I had almost made it all the way through my schooling without a single detention, but then _he_ had to go and ruin my spotless record. That had probably been his goal this whole time. What an _asshole_!

I didn't even trouble myself with a response. I just snatched the paper a turned and stomped out of the classroom. I slammed the door as hard as I could and then winced at the sound. The hallway was still crowded with students, and my family stood outsie the door waiting for me. I made it a point to hit Edward with my backpack as I shoved past them. He had a smirk on his face as he eyed the paper in my hand. I didn't even want to talk to them right now.

So, I stormed off down the halls until I saw two familiar figures in front of me, walking at a leisurely pace and studying a crossword puzzle. They were such dorks. I walked up behind them and held in my laughter as I smacked Charlie's butt as hard as I could, brining to my ears a painful sounding smack before I dissolved into laughter. He jumped and yelped before I came into view.

When we had been sophmores, Julie Withman had flirtasiously given Charlie a pat on the butt as he walked by her, and he had practically fainted. He had jumped and yelled and freaked out for a few moments until we finally made him aware of what exactly had happened. I now never missed an opportunity to remind him of that shining moment.

However, today, for some reason that will forever elude me, Charlie decided it would be funny to slap me back. Hard.

I leapt away from him and covered my ass with my hands, making a face between utter shock and pain. Now it was their turn to dissolve into laughter. My own shock quickly defussed into a weird sort of forced frustration and I smacked Charlie on the back of the head this time.

"That _hurt_." I snapped, still rubbing my butt. "And you _aren't_ allowed to do that to me." I continued, sending him my most Jane like glare. He just rolled his eyes. I really, really needed to work on being intimidating.

"And why, might I ask, not?" He said airly, with the tone of someone brought up in a society much more refined than the one he was apart of. He blew a puff of air onto his nails and then rubbed them against his shirt.

"Because I'm a _girl_." I stressed the word to them. They looked at each other, their faces masks of horror, shock, and confusion. They, like me, were brilliant actors.

"Wait...you're a..._girl_?" Charlie asked, stepping away from me and looking utterly appauled.

"A _girl_?" Tuck joined in, scrunching his nose up like he smelled something particularly foul. They shook their heads at each other and then crossed their arms.

"All this time we thought...oh dear this is just...how could you Riddely?" Charlie moaned, throwing a hand over his forehead like a silent movie era damsle in distress.

"You guys are dorks. It's no wonder you don't have girlfriends." I sighed to myself. They glanced at each other and smirked before they both smacked me on the ass harder than last time. This time I let out a tiny scream, not having expected a second blow. "You guys are assholes!" I screamed, and then turned to wander back to my family. My buttcheeks were still all tingly and painful. They were such boys sometimes.

"Awe come on Riddely! Don't leave us!" Tuck called back to me, to which I responded with showing him my middle finger.

"Yeah? Well fuck you too! See ya at lunch!" Charlie then said with a cheery ring to his voice, and then they turned and wandered down the hall to their next class, laughing and shoving each other into lockers. I would pay a whole lot of money to see what went on inside their heads.

Edward was looking disapprovingly after them when I once again reached their group. Emmett looked slightly annoyed and Jasper just rolled his eyes at their antics. He knew they were harmless and would never, ever do anything to hurt me. Not really anyways. But Edward saw inside their heads and he knew that while we had all decided long ago to keep our relationship platonic, Tuck and Charlie were still boys and probably had some...less than appropriate thoughts about me at times. But who could be mad at them for their thoughts? It wasn't as if they acted on them. Thoughts were harmless as far as I was concerned. It wasn't like they could _control_ it. I completely understood their pain when it came to controlling your thoughts. It was like whenever you didn't want to think about something, it was _all_ you could think about.

"Chill Edward. We were just messing around." I laughed, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. Bella smiled at me and shook her head at him. She understood modern society better than any of them. She knew how relaxed males and females had gotten with each other over the decades. The rest of them were all slightly stuck in their era, grasping onto traditions that had long since died away. It was kind of sweet to be honest.

"Still...men shouldn't behave that way. It's...disrespectful." He said, shaking his head. Jasper and Emmett nodded a little in agreement.

"Well, I did smack him first." I said, nodding to myself. I had long ago given up trying to explain the civilities and etiquette of modern day society. They just...didn't get it. They couldn't wrap their minds around it although they had lived through the changes. They had seen the progression themselves. They were, in more ways than one, stuck in the past. All except for Bella, and maybe Alice. She was much more in tune with the fashions, and mannerisms of teenagers in the 21st Century.

"Well, we can debate this another time." Edward relented. He knew I wouldn't argue it with him, because there was no way I could win. He would already know my points and know how to respond. I couldn't throw him for a doosy. It really wasn't fair.

I glanced around our group, walking down the halls and realized that Alec and Jane were keeping up with us. They didn't linger back and tail us, they were walking _with_ us. They either were seriously concerned about me taking off down the hall-way, or they just wanted to be annoying. I had a feeling Jane was enjoying watching my every move, just to irk me. But Alec was just...confusing. As always. I wasn't sure if he was just following Jane because he couldn't think for himself, or if he enjoyed irritating me too. Or maybe he was just indifferent about the whole thing. Maybe he was just...there. Maybe he had grown dettached during all of his years with the Volturi. His gift, after-all, was to make people not feel anything. Maybe the side-effect of it was that _he_ himself couldn't feel anything either. Maybe it was some sort of sick, twisted punishment from God, and so it really wasn't his fault he was a heartless murderer. He couldn't feel his conscience begging him and beating on him to be good.

Or maybe he was just a psychotic vampire. Thinking about it was making my head ache.

"It's best not to try and psychoanalyze the Volturi. You won't get anywhere." Eward whispered to me, and I felt my face heat up.

"Stay out of my head, Edward." I warned him, but didn't say anything else. I was starting to become extremely jealous of Bella's power. Maybe I could convince her to sheild me...but no, that was selfish. I was sure she enjoyed her privacy. And besides, it wasn't any of Edwards business who I wanted to psychoanalyze.

I kept my eyes moving over the rest of the group and wondered what we must look like to outsiders. A long line of outrageously attractive teenagers walking down the halls of this dreery high school. And then me, standing in their midst. It wasn't that I was unattractive. On the contrary, I was usually very happy with myself. But I was just a different kind of pretty than Rosalie, Alice, Bella, and Jane. I was a human kind of pretty. A flawed pretty. And it didn't bother me that sometimes my long brown curls frizzed up like I was Hermione Granger. It didn't bother me that when I ate too much I got a food baby for a few hours. It didn't bother me that when I woke up in the morning my breath smelled. It was all part of being human and I was going to savour it for as long as I could.

The next two classes were much easier because I had them with my family. I got math with Alice, Jasper and Emmett. I had science with Edward, Rosalie and Bella, and then we all had lunch together. The classes were a breeze, but damn it lunch was just going horribly.

First, we had to manage to squeeze Jane and Alec into our table, which meant all the seats were filled and two of our family members were sitting next to some of the most dangerous vampires on the planet. Those two were Jasper and Rosalie. Rosalie took up a post on Jane's side, and Jasper took up the other on Alec's side. They all looked thoroughly uncomfortable. Except Alec, but I didn't want to try and figure him out anymore today. Not with Edward sitting so close and my brain already pounding. Some things were better left mysterious and confusing.

Then, wouldn't you know it, Tuck and Charlie walked up and decided they would somehow manage to sit with us anyways. I hadn't protested, because the table was silent and tense and it made me feel weird that the only sound being made was me crunching on carrots. That and the fact that I was the only one eating. It was just...awkward.

"Riddely, scooch." Tuck said, and promptly booty-bumped me over to the edge of the seat. He took up more than half of the plastic chair but I just sighed. There was no point in arguing with him. Charlie stole a chair from an unsuspecting freshman and dragged it over to our table. I tried not to laugh at the sound of the kid falling to the ground, wondering where his chair had disappeared to. It really was quite mean.

"So guys, what's up, did you see that lacrosse game on last night? That...was...wicked!" Tuck shouted. He only ever got into typical teenage boy mode when Emmett was around. They both immediately launched into a conversation about how "wicked" it had been and I breathed a sigh of releif that they were finally talking.

I turned to Charlie, because he just didn't know anything about sports, and I pitied him.

"So, how did your date with Marcy go?" I asked, trying to ignore the feeling that I was being stared at. Edward had wormed his way into the sports conversation, while Alice had started chatting with Bella about something completely pointless. They were only doing it to ease the tension. I could have hugged all of them right there for trying to help.

"Awful. All she wanted to do was kiss me and then when we were back at her house she tried to go in my pants and-"

"AH! NO! I don't want to know! I don't want to hear it! Please, I'm begging you, keep that information to yourself." I screamed, shutting my eyes and throwing my hands up like I could physically ward off his words. That was an image of Charlie I definitely _never_ wanted in my head. In fact, it kind of made me want to gag. And it made me blush like an idiot. That was just too weird! He broke down into loud laughter.

You see, some people giggle in a really cute but annoying way. Some people laugh in a normal, mild-toned way that kind of just blends in with the crowd. My own laugh was very quiet but genuine. Tuck laughed with a snort but it wasn't excessive. Charlie, on the other hand, laughed like a fire truck. His laugh exploded from him like a siren and it was impossible to _not_ hear it. You could pick Charlie's laugh out of an audience of 5,000. Easy.

"You should have seen your face! Oh my God that was priceless! Did you really think I would tell you about that even if it _did_ happen? Oh my god you're so gullible!" He cried, trying to control the shaking that was caused by his laughing. I turned my nose up at him before smacking him in the stomach. I smirked at the grunt of pain it divulged from him.

"You're so gross Charlie." I said. He was doing a wonderful job of distracting me, but I was becoming increasingly aware of a pair of eyes on me. I shivered despite not knowing who it was and glanced around the table. Jane, for once, was not the instigator of the staring. She was looking at Charlie with a mix between disgust, confusion, and more disgust and hatred.

No, this stare came from her brother. The one, the only, Alec. I stared back, not sure what I was really doing. His eyes had dimmed so much with just one feeding, that I wondered how long it would take for them to turn golden. How long I would have before it became all too easy to forget that he killed people with a smile on his face.

I turned away from him as I shivered again. I repeat, staring into the eyes of Alec Volturi is not on my list of favorite things to do.

"So, how did it really go?" I asked, trying to focus.

"Well it was okay at the beginning. We talked about our friends and all that. But then I started talking about this new physics theory I had right, and she looked at me all weird. Like _I_ was stupid. So I decided to stop talking about physics. And then I told her about this article I read in Popular Science about this new technology they're working on that can-"

"Oh Charlie! I told you not to do your smart talk on dates! It makes them feel inferior!" I shouted, burrying my head in my hands. He was hopeless.

"But I wasn't 'being all smart talky'! I was just talking about science and when I dropped her off that night at her house she told me she didn't think it was going to work out or whatever because I was just not her type. I asked her what her type was, because you know I was curious, and she said, 'not you.'" Charlie finished, his voice holding a tone of disbelief. I really did feel bad for him. He just wasn't skilled when it came to talking to girls. What he needed to do was go off to college and find a nice, sweet physics major that he could talk science with and they wouldn't get all confused. What he needed was someone he couldn't find in high school. Charlie was too mature for it. He didn't get the high school gossip any more than I did. That's why we were such good friends.

"Well then to hell with her! She doesn't deserve you. Just...I don't know stop dating stupid girls like her. She's obviously too close-minded to appreciate your opinions on things and listen to your theories. She's not mature enough for you." I shrugged, patting him on the shoulder. My insides were squirming. I could still feel that stare and it was beginning to heat up the side of my face.

"Yeah I know. Hey, by the way I was just wondering, whatever happened to that Chris guy?" Charlie asked absent-mindedly. I stiffened. I heard Edward and Jasper stiffen in their chairs as well but tried to ignore it. Chris had made it very obvious he was persuing me after he had changed. Everyone at school had known he had an interest in me. Charlie and Tuck had been particularly protective but when I moved I lost contact with them for a while. All junior year was moving places. Then, when I came back senior year, Chris no longer on my trail, they had welcomed me back with open arms. I was part of their trio again. But, they had never asked about my abrupt departure. I had appreciated that, but they had also never asked about Chris. I knew the subject would come up someday. I had just hoped it wouldn't be here, in the school cafeteria, with Jane and Alec able to listen in.

"Um, I don't know. I was just relieved when I came back here and he wasn't at school anymore." I tried to brush the question off.

"Yeah it was really weird! I mean you were gone and then next week Chris dropped off the face of the planet too. We thought maybe you'd been kidnapped or something crazy like that." Charlie said, rubbing his chin. He wasn't stupid. I could sense that he was suspicious still, but I couldn't talk about it. I wanted to tell him so badly but that would get him killed.

"Really? Huh, I just assumed he'd graduated on scheduel and moved out of town. He dropped out?" I asked, feigning surprise. My surprise sounded fake and shaky in my ears and I could only pray that Charlie didn't pick up on it.

"Yep. No one's heard from him since." Charlie said, grabbing a french fry off his tray and dipping it in hot sauce, obviously too distracted with his own thoughts to notice my twitchy behavior. Charlie was silent for a moment more and we listened to the conversations going on around us. Well, he listened. I tried not to look back at Alec. "Do you think he ever got over you?" Charlie suddenly asked, his voice masking his concern. He had noticed how possessive and almost angry Chris's instrest in me had been, and I knew he had suspected he might be stalking me at some point. Charlie was as sharp as a tac. Maybe sharper.

"I hope so, because I was _never_ interested in him." I stressed, looking down at my lunch and hoping this conversation would end soon. Just thinking about Chris, let alone talking about him, made me loose my appetite. It made me want to crawl in bed and just sleep until I could convince myself that the nightmare that was Chris was nothing more than that. A nightmare.

"It's just weird ya know?" Charlie asked, talking more to himself than to me. I swallowed the bile that had risen up in my throat. Images flashed before my eyes of Chris standing outside my bus window, watching as it pulled away. Of Chris, cornering me by the bathrooms, and asking why I wasn't interested. Of Chris the day before the full moon, rushing through the halls angry and violent and _scary_.

"Yeah," I said, closing my eyes against the onslaught of memories. "Weird."


	7. Chapter 7

Irony is a fickle thing. It pops up in the most unusal places imaginable. You're walking along, thinking everything is just dandy and then out of the blue, something ironic happens. Well, that was what happened to me in English class. I was sitting there, minding my own business and doing what I was told, when Mrs. Rofello had to announce the most ironic thing in the history of ever.

"Today we'll start our reading of Bram Stoker's Dracula!" She yelled excitedly. Some of the students perked up. Some of the students groaned. I just stared at her, wondering how she had created such a face-palm moment for me without even realizing it. She began passing out the books, talking about the basic storyline while I sat between two vampires. Two dangerous vampires, might I add. Two vampires who were going to be forced to read what was probably the most ridiculous work of fiction ever. Oh, the irony.

"Will we have to write a report on this?" Someone in the back of the class asked. After spending all year surrounded by these people, I still didn't know half their names. But I did recognize this speaker. Her name was Marcy Langrave, and she was the one who had so rudely dumped one of my best friends. She was not my favorite person at the moment. In fact, I might have actually preferred trying to start a conversation with Alec and Jane instead of talking to her.

Okay, maybe that was a little extreme, but you get my point.

"Yes, there will be a paper due when we finish the reading but it will count as half of your final for this semester." She said. On any other day, Mrs. Rofello was my favorite teacher. But today was different because not only was she going to make me read Dracula (which I had read several times, by the way) but she was staring at Alec like some love-struck teenager as she passed him his book. For God's sake she was a married woman! With two kids! Alec was so _not_ that attractive. I kind of wanted to slap her for thinking about a boy half her age in the way she probably was. Honestly, it was kind of sick. Okay, it was _really_ sick. But I hated thinking badly about a teacher who had been so nice to me all year. Mrs. Rofello didn't miss a beat as she mvoed to look at me and hand me my book and then to Jane to hand her her's. At least she wasn't stopping to stare. She was just casually admiring him in a very unappropriate way. Whatever.

"Mrs. Rofello," I asked, not bothering to raise my hand. That was another reason why I liked her. There was none of this raising hands nonsense. "What if we've already read the book?" I asked, hoping against hope that she'd let me just start right on the assignment. She looked like she was thinking really hard about something for a moment before she reached a decision.

"Well, I would still prefer for you to at least skim back over everything, to brush up on the information. You'll still be expected to answer the questions for homework but if you know the story really well...then I guess I wouldn't be able to tell if you read the book again or not." She shrugged, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Thank God.

"Mrs. Rofello I really don't think it's fair that she doesn't have to read it carefully if everyone else does." Marcy called out, and then my anger was redirected towards her. I turned in my seat to glare at her.

"What do you want her to do, follow me home and watch me read the chapters? If I know the answers, I know the answers. Sorry you didn't think reading was important enough to take up more of your free-time, or you might have read it on your own." I snapped at her, and she just glared back at me. She was one of the reasons I hated people my own age.

"Riddely." Mrs. Rofello called me lightly, and gave me a look that said, 'even though I think you're totally right, it's my job to yell at students, not yours.' I sighed again and slouched back into my seat. "Now, before we move on, we have to welcome two new students to class!" She called, and I almost groaned. While Mrs. Rofello was a great woman, she did have her faults. One of which was being too happy and friendly and thinking everyone else was the exact same. "Alec, Jane would you like to step to the front of the class?" She asked, her eyes bright with enthusiasm.

I watched in anticipation, as well as worry, as Alec and Jane practically glided to the front of the room. They really needed to work on blending in. I just hoped they wouldn't act too creepy or weird and tip people off that they weren't normal. Their contacts were in place, which only helped me relax slightly. Here were two vampires, who hadn't fed on human blood recently, standing in a classroom packed jam with a bunch of teenagers. There was a big possibility this could end badly.

"Now Alec, Jane would you like to introduce yourselves and tell us something about you?" Mrs. Rofello asked. For a senior english teacher, she had a bad habit of treating and talking to us like first graders. It was a little bit insulting at times, and I was hoping that Jane didn't develop any hard feelings towards her for it. Well, any _more_ hard feelings. I was pretty sure Jane just hated everyone as a rule.

"I'm Jane and this is my twin brother Alec. We're juniors and just moved here from Italy. We're living with our _dear_ friend Riddely, until she returns with us this summer to Italy for...more schooling." She finished, an evil note to her voice that I was pretty sure only I picked up on. I shivered. God, she was scary. And i still had that image of her eyes burned into my skull. It didn't matter that she was wearing contacts because that's still what I saw everytime I looked at her.

Quiet murmurs ran out through the classroom. They didn't question their age, although I was sure Alice had told me they were only 15 when they had been changed. Their beauty made their age hard to pin-point. Juniors wasn't so hard to believe. And Jane's voice was probably just orgasmic to all of the horny teenage boys in the room. I resisted the sudden urge to spill my lunch all over my desk. It was sickening, how easily they fell into her trap. I knew that had Alec spoken instead, every girl in the room would be staring wide eyed and drooling all over their desks like he was a piece of meat. I glanced around the room. _Oh wait, they already are._

"Thank you! You can return to your seats!" Mrs. Rofello said exctiedly, and they returned to their seats with a grace and an ease that beauty pageant winners could only badly imitate. My hands curled into fists under the table. Why was everyone so blind? How could they not see that Jane and Alec were the farthest thing from sweet and innocent there was? How could they not feel their instincts telling them to stay as far away as possible, and avoid all eye contact whatsoever?

"Riddely," Someone behind me hissed into my ear. I knew who it was. It kind of made me want to shoot myself. I turned slightly in my seat as Mrs. Rofello started lecturing about some english nonsense. Alec and Jane had returned to their seats and I had no doubt they were listening in to this not so welcome conversation. I tried not to feel embarassed. Maybe I _was_ egotistical. I mean, who said they were interested enough to listen in at all?

"What?" I hissed back, trying to make it clear through my tone that he was the last person I wanted to talk to at the moment. Save Jane and Alec. The boy annoyingly gaining my attention was James Quick, and he had been trying to get me to go out with him for...ever. Okay, that was not true, but it seemed I had been fighting off his advances for far longer than I should have. Couldn't the boy get a hint and take a hike?

"There's this party going on at Steve Gregor's house this Friday, and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me." His voice almost had a whiny edge to it that put me constantly on the verge of smacking him across the face. I was suddenly very grateful For Tuck and Charlie.

"Sorry, but I already have plans. Tuck and Charlie invited me over to play video games with them." I replied, my voice trying to be sincerely sorry. I wasn't.

"Oh...that's okay. Maybe some other time?" He asked, his voice so hopeful I almost felt bad for him. Why couldn't he just like someone that could like him back?

"Sure." I said noncommitaly, and turned back to the front of the class, blushing furiously. It was certainly flattering to be pursued so consistently but it was also getting immensely tiring. And damn it, now I felt Alec staring at me again, and it was taking every fiber of my being to not turn to look at him, just to see if I was imagining it. But I wasn't; the weight of his eyes was enough proof to satisfy that annoying bubble of curiosity. And why was he staring? _Why_? Why couldn't he just make some random girl's dream come true and stare at them? I'm sure Marcy would have just loved to be stared at. It was her thing. But it was certainly not mine.

I felt my face heat more and leaned over in my seat, allowing my heavy curls to create a curtain around me. I kept my face down over my notes, only looking up to gather any new information that was written on the board. It seemed that the minutes seemed to drag, with only a few moments of relief when Alec's gaze would move to something else. But those moments were few and far between. I was starting to think that I was actually going to lose my mind when the bell finally rang, releasing me from that hell hole. I barely zipped up my bag before I zipped out the door into the hallway. Bella and Edward were waiting for me and I instantly tried to clear my head.

_Think about something else. Anything...puppies. Dead, sad, puppies. With cute little eyes that are dead...kind of like how Alec's eyes are NO! Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies and...crayons! Crayons! So many colors. Lots of beautiful colored crayons! Like blue, green red...red that is kind of the shade of his eyes when No! Damn it mind! Listen to me! I am in control here! _ I mentally yelled at myself, beginning to panic. I wish Edward would just leave so I didn't have to be so careful. It wasn't like I was thinking anything bad. It wasn't like I was internally confessing my undying love for Alec. God no. I was just hating the fact that him staring at me had made me blush so badly.

I certainly did _not_ have any feelings for Alec. And no, that isn't denial, it was the facts. He had done nothing but make my life harder and I harbored a lot of resentment for him for that fact. I didn't secretly have an image in my head of him and me, being together forever. I wasn't stupid. I knew he was evil. And so I will once again stress the fact that at that point in time, I was _not_ in any sort of denial. There was nothing to deny. I hated him, and was completely open with that fact.

But I was a girl after all. And having an attractive boy stare at you could have that effect but it was Alec! Mean, murdering, heartless, stone faced Alec! I shouldn't have thought him the least bit attractive. Yet there I was, thinking it anyways. I was utterly ashamed of myself for even thinking he had a nice face. It made me feel dirty and bad. I didn't want Edward thinking I had gone bonkers and started fantasizing about Alec, because that was certainly not the case. I just...for some reason I didn't want Edward to know that Alec had been staring at me all lunch. And then all class. It felt private and...weird. It wasn't something I wanted other peoply knowing. Not because I didn't want him to get in trouble. No, I would have revelled in the fact that Alec got punished. There was something about the stare though, that made me want to keep it to myself, because it made _me_ uncomfortable, and I didn't like sharing that uncomfort with others. It's nearly impossible the explain the feeling, now that I am looking back on it. Just know, readers, that it was something I wanted for myself, if only so that I could have the chance to analyze it farthur, before my opinion was tainted by the opinion of others.

_And there you go thinking about it. Cover blown. Mission failed. You are a failure. Just give up any hope for privacy now._

I risked a quick glance at Edward, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring steadily at Alec, something akin to fury roaring in his eyes.

_Oh dear God, just kill me now and get it over with. I can't bare this mental torture any longer._

Somehow, I made it through the rest of the day without exploding. I managed to keep Edward at bay (although I could tell he really wanted to talk to me), and also keep as far away from Alec as possible. Just the thought of sitting through another class with him staring at me like that...it was unsettling.

I tried to keep my thoughts trained on other things, but it was hard. It was like my own mind was rebelling against me, trying to make me as miserable as possible. I was almost starting to regret not letting the Volturi take me right then and there. I was almost regretting coming back home at all. Because the Volturi were making it a horrible experience, and I didn't want my last memories of Forks to be bad ones. So, yes, I almost regretted my decisions. But, I had told myself I was living without regrets. So, it remained an almost.

Humans are funny. Out of vampires, shifters, werewolves, and humans, humans are, without a doubt, the most flawed. Their design is in the most need of tweaking. But, they have moments of such severe righteousness that you would think _they_ were the dominant species. They never take the credit for their bad decisions. No, they seem to always find a way to place the blame on something or someone else. Hell, they even created whole beings to place the blame on. Karma. Luck. They chalk up their flaws and destruction to something. It never fails. Because humans have a certain way of thinking that simply doesn't allow them to realize that they are weaker, less intelligent, and less cunning than other things on this Earth. And when, if ever, they finally admit they've done something wrong, they have an excuse for that as well. It's my personal favorite and I will use it now. It will explain my horrible, stupid mistake and somehow convince you that I am not a complete idiot because (wait for it) I'm only human. There it is. I'm _only_ human so I screw up, make wrong choices and act dumb. Only deep down I know that that doesn't even begin to explain how I managed to find myself in such a fucked up situation as I did on Friday evening.

See, the day started off fantastically. I woke up and had breakfast in my kitchen without incident. I was feeling just amazing because it was the last day of school this week, which meant I could have two Jane and Alec free days after I suffered through classes. Well, everything was going swimmingly until I actually _got_ to class. Then, Alec had to start up with his fun little staring game. Edward, surprisingly, hadn't said anything about it, for which I was grateful. He must have heard my internal, pathetic begs for privacy. But, I still hadn't quite been able to figure out why exactly he thought staring at me was so fun. It made it extremely hard to focus in class. But I just set my jaw and suffered through the day, because I was finally going to be able to get out of that God forsaken house and just hang out with my buddies, right? WRONG.

Apparently, I wasn't even allowed to go to my friends house without the company of a Volturi member. And just who do you think opted to go with me and Renessme? Yes, you guesed it, Alec. Then of course, the rest of the family had offered to come along to, and I had to put my foot down at that.

"Listen, as much as I appreciate the concern," _Even though I really _don't_ appreciate it at all._ "Tuck invited me and Nessie over. Not me, and the rest of the Cullens okay?"

"Riddely we aren't going to let you be alone with him." Jasper said lowly, shooting daggers at Alec. I was partially surprised when Alec didn't crumple to the ground, writhing in agony. Then I remembered that not all vampires have the Jane Power Glare.

"Jasper, do you realize how little sense it makes for Aro to send them _all _the way out here, if they were just going to kill me? Really, please, think about it." I said. And they said _humans_ were the dumb ones.

"But this is-"

"But nothing! I'm not going to be alone! Nessie will be there, and also three humans who have no idea that vampires even exist. Is Alec _really_ going to out himself just to drain me? No. So can you just let me go before I punch one of you in the face for being so damn protective?" I asked, staring them down one by one with wide eyes. Rosalie hissed at my word choice, but I chose to ignore it. Edward and Jasper growled for a while about it, but eventually told me I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I think Jasper was trying to nonchalantly actually _plead_ with me to just stay at the house. (And here comes my line everyone.) But I was only human and having my family breathing down my neck all week was making me anxiousl. I kept glancing over my shoulder at every turn to see who was watching me. And someone was always watching me. It made me edgy and paranoid and I had to get out of there before I started hallucinating.

So, being human me, I told him stubbornly that I couldn't cancel my plans and that Alec would just have to tag along and not speak. Alec hadn't said anything to that (which was what I prefered anyways), just stared down Edward. The staring contest lasted only until the rest of the Cullen Clan started snapping at him to just leave already. I couldn't help but think that they had all gotten much more animalistic ever since the Volturi showed up.

So instead of just showing up at Tuck's house with just Renessme by my side, I showed up with Nessie, and Alec. But Tuck, as always, was a polite host and welcomed us all in. his house smelled like vanilla and paint and I breathed it in, letting it relax me. The totally normal atmosphere of the house helped me to stop glancing over my shoulder every two seconds to make sure Alec wasn't going to try and do something...unhuman. I think I apologized to Tuck's mom at least ten times for the inconvienience, but she just brushed it off. I loved that woman.

"So, anyways...me and Charlie had already started playing. Come on." Tuck said, focusing mainly on me. He wasn't all that comfortable around Nessie, and he certainly wasn't comfortable around Alec. I wanted to slap _myself_ in the face. He was never going to invite me over to his house again.

"How far are you?" Nessie asked, as we entered into the carpeted T.V. room. The couch was squishy and lumpy and perfect. I absolutely loved Tuck's house. I would have just lived there if it had been culturally acceptable.

"Well we actually just got past this like, battle thing with these cannons. And the guy's uncle or something got killed."

"Alright, let me beat this." Nessie said, cracking her knuckles and snatching the controller rudely away from Charlie, who had only just become aware of their presence. I tried to sit and play with them, I really did. I tried to relax and let everything feel normal. It would work for a while but then I'd become aware once again of the eyes on me and I would stiffen back up. Nessie was completely lost in the game and so were Tuck and Charlie. I was glad they were too distracted to notice my odd behavior.

After an hour I got up and started pacing around the back of the couch, trying to calm my nerves. But I just couldn't sit still. I couldn't take being watched like that. So instead I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. The sound of the tap and the feeling of being alone calmed me a bit, and I downed the glass. I could do this. I could ignore Alec for today.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smoothing back the hair that had escape from my ponytail.

"Nervous?" A voice came from behind me, and I jumped harshly, spinning around to face the intruder of my private calming moment.

_Wow. I just can't catch a break can I?_ I thought as my eyes narrowed. _Shoot me now._

**A/N: Ohhhh cliff hanger! not really. im sure it's fairly obvious who it is but this chapter is too short. But it's only because if I add the next scene in it'll be too long. I needed to end it! Are you guys super excited for Chapter 8? There is going to be some actual Alec and Riddely interaction! YAY! Reviews are love. And i love reviewers. **


	8. Chapter 8

Recap:

"Nervous?" A voice came from behind me, and I jumped harshly, spinning around to face the intruder of my private calming moment.

_Wow. I just can't catch a break can I?_ I thought as my eyes narrowed. _Shoot me now._

Start:

Although my eyes narrowed in on him and his outrageously confident aura, my heart started to do that weird pounding thing when your scared. The kind where it it's exactly beating fast just...hard. Painfully forceful so that your ribs almost ache and your suddenly very hot and jumpy. I hated that he could make me that scared. I reserved fear like that for things like water, and clowns and...Chris. I shuddered at the thought.

_Oh, hello Riddely, just so you know, there is a deadly vampire standing in front of you and he just asked you a question. You might want to get your priorieties straightened out and ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION._

"Nervous of what?" I snapped, opting for a a smart-ass attitude. It was the easiest to hide my fear behind an annoyed, witty front. Then I realized the question sounded kind of weird and attemtped to hide my embarassment at speaking oddly. I was just so flustered and frustrated!

"Well, me, obviously." He said, his voice low. My eyes darted to the door that lead back into the living room. The sounds from the video game radiated out from it, echoing off the walls of the kitchen. Damn it, where was Nessie? And where was Tuck's mother? Wasn't she supposed to be cooking dinner or something along those lines? Why couldn't the woman do her damn job and get back in the kitchen?

"Right." Was all I could manage to say, my eyes slowly drifting back to his face. I felt a little bit like a hypocrite. I had spent all that time convincing Edward and Jasper that Alec wouldn't hurt me, but here I was about to pee my pants just from being in the same room with him. And then I had to think something sexist as well! Sexist against my _own_ sex. I was losing it. I really was. My marbles were slipping through my hands one by one and rolling away, under the counter and down the hall.

But no matter how many times I told myself he wasn't going to hurt me, it still felt...risky to be out of view of the others. I considered just walking past him, back into the living room, but before I could even move he was talking again, slowly making his way around the island.

"I can understand...partially at least, why Aro is so interested by you. You're really a very brilliant actress. In fact, I might go so far as to say that - were it not for the fact that I can hear your heart pounding - I might actually believe you aren't afraid of me." He said, running his finger over the counter that would break against his skin given the proper force. He leaned against it, opposite from me. The Sun broke through the clouds at that moment and came through the kitchen window, hitting his cheek. It erupted into dazzling sparkles and my breath caught. He moved into the shade again. "But you are afraid of me." Alec said, his voice arrogant. My trance was broken.

"Intimidated is a better word. I know you wouldn't hurt me." I said, regretting the words the moment they slipped from my lips. For some reason I couldn't say I felt like I should at least be _trying_ to hide the fact that I wasn't scared of him hurting me. Saying things like that out loud made it sound like I...trusted him or something. Which I guess I did, in some ways, but I chose not to think about it like that. It only complicated my thoughts farther. His eyes lifted to my face and he tilted his head ever so slightly to the left, as if he was examining something particularly puzzling. "Aro would be upset...I think." I hurried on, turning back to the sink to refill my glass. Every single instinct in me was screaming to not turn my back on him but I was trying to convince myself that I was right. He wouldn't _dare_ harm me.

"Maybe. Marcus might be upset too though." He said, sounding vaguely curious, and ever so slightly amused. I turned my head fractionally, trying to look at him without turning around. Any other emotion that he displayed other than hate, and arrogance always took me off guard but this time his words did as well.

"Why would Marcus be upset?" I asked, my hand shaking as I raised the glass to my lips and turned back towards the wall. My throat suddenly felt very dry. I tried to summon the strength in my arm muscles to stop trembling.

"It is Felix's distinct opinion that he is...taken with you...at least, he might be once you talk with him. He does, after all, lack a mate." He said. I choked on my water and spewed it all over the inside of the sink. Okay, I had certainly not been expecting anything like that! At all. My chest heaved as I coughed up the water that had somehow slid down into my lungs. His voice sounded like he couldn't possibly understand why Felix would think something so absurd, and I completely agreed with him on that note, which was a bit concerning. I shouldn't agree with Alec on anything.

But this was completely different!

"What?" I asked, my eyes wide as I finally turned to look at him. All fear I had ever felt towards Alec was now completely gone. I was now focused soley on Marcus. The thought of him wanting me to be his...I couldn't even think the word. What was with it anyways? Why couldn't they say husband or wife? Why did vampires and werewolves and fucking shapeshifters have to say _mate_? It was so primitive and...I felt sick.

I knew the color must have drained from my face because I suddenly felt light-headed. I got that feeling in the back of my throat, like something was sitting there, right near my gag reflex, just waiting.

"Well, his mate was killed some years ago. And he hasn't taken an interest in anything since then. But you..." He trailed off, seeming to examine me more closely. I watched as he raised his finger to point at my face, every move deliberate and calculated. "You caught his eye the day you came." He said, raising his eyebrows in a very human way. Now my throat and mouth were definitely dry. Dry to the point that my tongue felt like sandpaper in my mouth. Rough, tasteless, swollen sandpaper. The room began to swim, the kitchen table sooming in and out and everything felt uncomfortably hot. I pulled at my shirt, trying to get some air. "I think it was the way you talked to my sister. His mate was sort of...fiery. If that's what you would call it. Sounded more like arrogance and imprudence to me but...Marcus always was a little different." Alec continued, seemingly completely unaware of my current inner-turmoil. My stomach clenched and I leaned over the sink. I thought about Marcus, trying to kiss me and put his hands on me. I thought about him asking me to be his _mate_ and then taking me to a room to _claim_ me and I actually gagged that time. That's what Chris had called it. I closed my eyes as fear suddenly combined with the nausea. I couldn't do that. I couldn't _be_ with Marcus. And if I refused what then? What would he do? Would he kill me?

"I'm going to be sick." I whispered, hating that I was looking this weak in front of him but not doing anything to change it. It sounded almost like Alec was warning me. Like he was telling me ahead of time so that I would understand any advances made for what they were. Advances.

"It's really an honor. After all you are _only_ human. I'm surprised he would even glance at you but he did and that is precisely the point." Alec said, rubbing his chin as he leaned against the counter, next to me. I didn't even care. I didn't care that he was so close or that he had just sort of insulted me. I was _really_ going to be sick. I gagged again, and this time some of my lunch managed to rip its way up my throat and I spit it out in the sink, turning the tap on to wash it down.

As if I didn't have enough on my plate as it was! Now I had to worry about one of the oldest vampires probably in the world...admiring me. It was suddenly extremely hard to breathe. I looked down to check that there wasn't something heavy sitting on my chest, constricting my lungs. Nope. My chest was clear. I only felt like my rips were going to cave in any second and puncture my lungs, leaving me to drown in my own blood.

"He didn't say anything about it though? He didn't like...confirm anything, right?" I whispered, wiping my mouth and grabbing my glass of water again. My voice shook. This day just kept getting worse.

"Marcus isn't what one would call...conversational." Alec said. I squeezed my eyes shut as I leaned away from the sink. I turned and rested against the counter, entirely unaware of how close I was to him. I hadn't felt this sick in a long time. I hadn't even felt this sick when I had been on my way to Volterra, because even then a part of me knew that it would somehow work out. Now...I was out of my element. I felt like and elephant trying to swim against waves. It wasn't natural, and I couldn't breathe and I was drowning. Suffocating as the waves crashed over me again and again and again.

"God..." I trailed off, rubbing a hand over my face. I slid down the counter, onto the floor, relishing the coolness of the tile. "You don't...you don't _agree_ with Felix though." I said, but it came out as more of a question. Alec seemed more observant to me than Felix and...honestly, smarter. Alec actually smirked. As in really smirked as in an almost smile and in a very weird way it didn't seem unnatural on his face.

"I think you shouldn't be surprised if Marcus tends to seek you out from time to time, once we return to Volterra." He said, his words slow and almost torturous. This was very, very bad news. And now Edward was going to know because there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to keep this out of my head!

"But I...don't..." I trailed off. I could deal with being trapped with the Volturi. They couldn't force me to eat humans or anything. I could stick to the Cullen diet if I pleased but a male vampire could...force, well..._me_. "I can't..." I choked on my tears, sucking them back and willing them to be gone. Marcus was probably extremely strong, despite his frail looking exterior. But...he wouldn't right? They seemed too dignified. They seemed too old fashioned. To my surprise, Alec crouched down on the ground next to me, as one would do with a small child. He looked at my cheeks, almost as if he was eager to see the tears I hadn't allowed to fall yet. Sick bastard. He was probably enjoying this.

"I would suggest, if Marcus is not any interest to you, that you very clearly show interest in another. Marcus wouldn't come near you then. Vampires are very...protective of their mates. He wouldn't want to provoke a fight with another. Although, if he already has his heart set he might." Alec shrugged.

"I'm already aware of how protective you freaky supernatural beings are." I said, my face growing red. Oh yes, I knew plenty about being a mate. "Trust me, I know." I said, then shut my eyes when I realized I had probably just peaked his interest. If he actually had any interest at all in this conversation. For all I knew he just liked to make me miserable. I just didn't want any questions asked. I didn't like talking about Chris with anyone. At all. Not even Jasper.

"I heard." Alec said, and his voice held no emotion. He wasn't teasing, which is what I had expected. Actually, I had expected questions but since he already seemed to know, I had expected to be poked fun of. But his voice was completely serious and I couldn't help looking over at him.

"What, aren't you going to laugh? Call me a werewolf toy? Be rude? Something?" I asked, realizing I almost sounded mean. But I couldn't help it. He was _Alec_.

"No." He said in the same tone. "It's a very serious matter, in fact. I'm just hoping he'll stop persuing you once you've been changed. We don't want to have to deal with a werewolf. They're...tricky." He said, and my stomach dropped. Alec admitting that any opponent was tricky meant they were the most dangerous thing on the planet.

"But you just cut their senses off right?" My voice almost sounded panicked. "I mean...you can just stop them. How can they be tricky if they don't have any senses?" I turned against the counter, so that I was facing him.

"My power...reluctently, only affects humans, and vampires. The being that I was, and the being that I am." He said. He looked angry and almost...ashamed. But ashamed of what? That he wasn't completely invincible? "Shifters, half-breeds and werewolves are unaffected. The Cullens had no need to put their sheild around the LaPush pack when we met. My power wouldn't have done anything to them. That's why the Volturi hunt them so. Because, while we are more powerful than shifters, werewolves..." He trailed off. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"They're stronger?" I asked, my voice shaking. He turned his head to look at me, watching my face, seeming to study my fear as if it was something foreign to him. I wasn't scared to look back, like I should have been.

"There's a reason they can only change on a full moon. Without some sort of...time limit, there would be nothing but werewolves on this planet. No humans, no shifters...no vampires. Just werewolves." He said, seemingly unaffected by the idea of a future like that. I shuddered and turned towards the window, wondering where exactly Chris was. What he was doing. I wondered whether or not he'd found another imprint, and if that girl was already dead or currently suffering through a pregnancy that would kill her. I knew without the Cullens I would have been dead long ago. I didn't stand a chance against him, and apparently, even a vampires odds were bleak.

My gaze travelled across the line of trees bordering the other side of the street. He was out there somewhere in the world, being violent and beast-like. I pitied anyone who made him mad, or crossed his path on the night of a full moon.

"Ah, hello dears! I was just about to drain the pasta." Mrs. Tuck (yes, I called her Mrs. Tuck, even though that obviously wasn't her last name.) said, smiling kindly as she walked into the kitchen. "Weren't you all playing video games?" She asked. Unlike the volume of mine and Alec's conversation, Mrs. Tuck spoke loudly and her voice carried. I stumbled to my feet beside Alec, purposely ignoring the implication in her voice. I almost cringed when Nessie suddenly swung into the kitchen, eyes wide and alert. She narrowed them on Alec.

"Yea, sorry. I just needed water." I said lamely. Mrs. Tuck just smiled, her smile growing suspicious as she looked at Alec. I hoped to God he wasn't staring back at her in that creepy way he had. The way that made you feel like you were being picked apart and examined. Nessie jerked her head at me, a signal to follow her. I pushed away from the counter and hurried back into the living room, two steps behind her. I plopped on the couch beside Charlie, staring at the screen as he was repeatedly stabbed.

I turned and watched as Alec practically floated into the room after a couple seconds, and reclaimed his place in the recliner, staring fixedly at the screen. I wacthed him for a minute, waiting. Finally, he turned to me and stared at me, unblinking. I titled my head to him, in a silent thank you. I'm not sure what I was thanking him for. Maybe it was the warning about Marcus or the simple fact that he had told me the truth about werewolves. The Cullens had always refused to give me details, claiming I didn't need to hear them. In truth they just thought I was too fragile to handle it. Well, obviously, I wasn't.

He inclined his head back at me, surprise flitting through his eyes as I turned back to the TV. I wasn't so anxious anymore, surprisingly. I mean, of course I was worried about Marcus, and I didn't even want to think about how powerful Chris was, but I felt better. Calmer almost, after talking to Alec. He hadn't attacked me. Neither verbally nor physically. It had almost been...pleasant. It made me feel safer, knowing he had had the opportunity to kill me, and hadn't jumped at it. And I felt safer knowing the truth. Surprises were always more dangerous. I was glad that at least now, I knew what the enemy was capable of.

"Block, dumbass." I said to Charlie, scrunching my eyes in disappointment as he died. I snatched the controller from him, sending him a playful glare. "Now, watch the master work."

"Whatever Riddely." Charlie huffed, swinging a pillow at me and hitting me full in the face. I snapped at it with my teeth and casually threw it off the couch, focusing on the game. This was what life was supposed to feel like. All the time. This was what high school was supposed to be.

I shouldn't have had to worry about my mortality or thousand year old men crushing on me or crazed werewolves trying to impregnate me. I should have been able to just sit around with my friends and talk and mess around. I should have been able to relax and sit back and let the day pass without a second thought.

But even in that semi-relaxed state, in the back of my mind I was still counting my heart-beats wondering how many I had left. I was still glancing out of the window compulsively every now an again, watching the Sun slip over the horizen and watching another day of my mortal life slip away.

But I had this. I had Charlie and Tuck. I had Assassin's Creed and Mrs. Tuck's pasta in a bowl in front of me. I had warm clothes and light and the sound of Charlie's outrageous laughter in my ears.

And for now, that was enough.


	9. Chapter 9

Weeks passed. Days fell away from the Earth like water over the edge of the waterfall, and time was pulling me closer and closer to the drop. The plummet into the unknown and the unfair. And with each second it was harder to breath. Moments like the ones at Tuck's house felt farther and farther apart to me. Every minute that ticked by on the clock seemed to pick up speed, accelerating me towards the edge of the watery cliff. And the whole time I was digging my heels into the wet sand, praying that somehow, I would find a way out of the mess.

But, the weeks passed. Quickly even. All too soon, I was staring down the month left of school. Not exactly one month. I had counted, actually. But in precisely thirty one days, five hours and fiftey two minutes, I would officially graduate high school. I would throw my hat in the air and laugh and cheer and smile like everyone else. And like everyone else I would cry, but not because I was proud and excited that I'd _actually_ survived high school. I would be crying because I would be whisked off to a plane within the next few hours to go and start my medieval life with the Volturi. The same Volturi that had tried time and time again to kill my family. The Volturi that had tortured Edward. My sweet, quiet, witty brother Edward. And damn it - it wasn't fair!

I was a good kid! I tried! Got good grades! I followed the rules and listened to the Cullens most of the time. But of course, nothing could be fair. I grew up with vampires for Christ's sake.

But not everything was bad. No, there were still those moments when I'd be sitting with Charlie and Tuck and I'd feel completely and utterly content. I'd forget for a few blissful seconds what would be happening soon. And those were the moments that kept me going. That made me keep living.

I had contemplated suicide, actually. And I know, you don't need to say it, it was a very stupid thing to think about. But cut me some slack! I was going to be initiated into the most feared, cold, old group of vampires in the history of the world. And I didn't _want_ it. I wanted to stay human! I _wanted_ to have kids and get older and live in a nursing home where all you had to do all day was eat pudding and play BINGO. I had been looking forward to that acceptance of the end. That calm. That peace of mind. But I wouldn't have that. The only death I'd ever be able to meet would be a violent one. One where my body would be torn apart and burned.

So yeah, maybe I'd thought about taking the easy way out. But I couldn't. Because I _knew_ that the only thing stopping a full out war from breaking out between the Volturi and the Cullens was my deal. My promise to join them. And my family wasn't worth risking.

But the nights were getting harder to bear. When everything was quiet and dark and I was abandoned to fight off thoughts of impending doom and evil. Edward had tried to talk to me about it. I hadn't wanted to. I'd even pushed Jasper away and I'd felt horrible. But I needed to cope with the lose that was coming. And I was. And I was healing so very slowly.

It wouldn't be completely awful. I'd be out in seven years. And I'd get to be with my family forever. And I'd never have to worry about getting fat or being ugly. And when I found my vampire mate - if I ever did - we'd never have to be seperated by sickness or old age. We could be together forever.

So those things - the few good things - were the things I focused on. And it was working to some extent. I would need time, years probably, after my service to the Volturi, to move on and start living again. But I'd get there. And while time was dooming me in one way, it would save me in another.

"Riddely!" Charlie said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I blinked and shook my head, my eyes focusing on him.

"What?" I asked, almost wincing when my voice came out sloppy and slurred.

"I asked if you wanted to get a ride home with me and Tuck," _Tuck and I_, my mind corrected, but I knew to keep my mouth shut. "After school. We'll probably head to my house and play some video games and stuff." He shrugged, turning to dip his french fry in a nasty mixture of ranch and hot sauce. I turned away, wrinkling my nose in digust. Boys. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

"Sure." I agreed, trying to keep the eager, almost desperate tone out of my voice. Any chance to spend time with my two best friends was an opportunity I jumped on. They helped me breath again.

"Alright. I'll meet you at my car after school."

I nodded and returned my attention to my food. There was no point in telling anyone about the conversation I'd just had - they'd already heard.

Even though my family kept up the facade of conversation and normal teenage behavior, they couldn't fool me. I knew how they watched my movements. How they listened to me. It was only to make sure I was okay and everything was fine but it was irritating at times as well. I needed at least a _little_ privacy. Like it wasn't enough having Edward able to read my thoughts...

In fact, sometimes I was sure I could feel him shifting through my brain. Picking at certain ones and leaving others alone. Like a cool brush across the back of my forehead. It was a sensation that was hard to describe, but it never failed to put me on edge.

My eyes snapped up and focused on Edward, watching his movements across the table. I kept my eyes on his, willing myself not to blink or lose my train of thought. I didn't think I'd ever concentrated so hard on anything...

And there it was, the little almost flicker of his eyes that told me he'd looked over at me. He was quick - quicker than quick really - but I'd learned to watch carefully enough to catch him sometimes. He was watching for my reaction.

My reaction to the fact that Alec had just walked into the room.

And a small, traitorous part of my brain was taunting me, saying that Edward obviously had good reason to watch for my reaction, if I could tell Alec had walked into the cafeteria without even looking.

But that was another sensation I couldn't explain. Whenever he walked in I could just..._feel_ it. Like his presence was a physical weight on the bottom of my spine. Not unpleasant...maybe even kind of...comfortable. Reassuring...

_Stop thinking that!_ My mind shouted. _He drinks people, remember? Humans? Like Charlie and Tuck? Your best friends? Yeah, he's probably eaten people who look _just_ like them! He is bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! And mean! He's barely even looked at you since that day at Tuck's! Let alone talk to you! He is a mean, bad boy and you shouldn't care when he walks into the room! And his presence is most definitely _NOT_ comforting, reassuring, or any other synonyms you can think up. Stupid..._

My internal monologue was cut short as two chairs on the other side of the table slid back, and Jane and Alec slid into them. My eyes flickered to Edward, catiously. But why? I wasn't doing anything wrong. There was nothing wrong with noticing when two people sat down...

As my eyes flicked back to the Witch Twins they practically ignored the image of Jane. I didn't care about her being there. But what did that mean? That I _cared_ about Alec being there? No...not necessarily. I was just so much more...aware of it.

And it wasn't because I had had some sudden epiphany about him and miraculously forgave him for being a ruthless killer. No. I just felt like I...owed him something maybe. For being the only one to be _really_ honest with me.

That was the word I was looking for.

I wasn't reassured by Alec. I most certainly wasn't _comforted_ by him. But I was _grateful_ for his honesty. And I hated that nagging, stupid voice in the back of my head that said a little nod of my head hadn't been enough of a thank you. It kept shouting at me to actually say it. To actually trust him enough to talk to him and ask him about those things he'd told me.

Because in a weird way, Alec was the safest person to talk to. He wasn't constantly around Edward, having his thoughts probed for signs of distress or unusual thoughts. And he was a stranger. I didn't have to worry about what he thought of me or if he thought I was stupid. And in all honesty, Alec would think I was stupid no matter what I said. I was human and I was weak and I'd never measure up to what he expected, so I didn't have to _try_.

I was suddenly overcome with the desperate urge to speak to him in private, and to ask him about all those things I'd never dared ask the Cullens about, because I knew they'd only lie to me. Like if being immortal was better. And if the urge to taste human blood was like being drunk. And if, once we got to Volterra, he'd stay close to me, and show me how to stay alive amongst the hordes of much older, much more experienced vampires.

And I wanted to know if he had been around when Carlisle was part of the Volturi. And what he'd been like then. And I just wanted to _know_ so many things. Things he could tell me.

My legs tensed, almost like I was going to get up, march over to Alec and drag him out of the cafeteria for a private conversation. But of course, I wouldn't do that, because now Edward was looking at me hard and there was that indescribable feeling at the back of my forehead. And Jasper was tense because he could feel my desperation and curiosity. He just didn't know what it was about.

And maybe it was because the feelings were directed at him, or maybe he just happened to look up at the right time but all of the sudden Alec was staring at me and I was staring back at him.

In reality, I know it only lasted for a few seconds. It couldn't have been more without being extremely suspicious and...awkard for everyone at the table. But in that slow-mo'd second he must have _seen_ what I was feeling, because he was using his look again.

I looked down at my tray of food, part of me relieved that he knew what I wanted from him and part of me worried that he would actually comply.

Wanting answers and recieving them are two very, _very_ different things.

"Riddely?" Charlie suddenly asked again, and I jumped in my chair, startled once again from my thoughts.

"Y-yeah?" I asked, cursing myself for stuttering. And for blushing because I could feel the flickering gazes of my family. If they didn't all already know about my secret desire to have a deep conversation with Alec, they would by the end of the day.

"You okay? You've seemed really out of it lately." He commented. He tried to sound casual, but he worried about me. I saw it in his eyes, and in Tuck's. I told them everything. We were a trio of trust. But there were just some things I couldn't tell them. And some things I didn't want to tell them.

And I was beginning to hate the secrets that I was carrying.

"I'm fine." I lied easily. It was a lie I told so much these days, that it didn't sound false anymore. Even _I_ would've believed myself if there hadn't been that bitter taste on my tongue. The taste of dishonesty.

But, as much as I hated to admit it, and as much as it was killing me to be able to lie so calmly, it was a taste I was becoming accustomed to.

Gym class was absolutely awful. I spent the whole time avoiding talking to Alice and Bella. And I could tell they wanted to talk to me, because they teamed up for ping pong, and tried to face my team. And Alice and Bella _never_ teamed up, for the simple fact that it would be completely unfair to everyone else. But they teamed up this time. Because they wanted to ambush me, and interrogate me about Jasper's mood and those stupid looks Edward kept shooting me. Like he wasn't sure if he should shake some sense into me or spit on my feet.

And I really didn't appreciate the looks. Maybe if he learned to stay out of my head, he wouldn't be so upset with me all the time.

_God._ All the stress was going to kill me. One day my brain would just get so fed up with all the drama constsantly swirling around in there that it would just quit. It'd decide, hell, I'm done, bye! And then it'd take a nice, long, permanant nap. And then I'd be dead.

But back to the matter at hand, Bella and Alice were trying their very hardest to talk to me. But I, being so cunning and amazing and just so damn clever, figured out an ingenious way to derail their so carefully planned out scheme.

I told the gym teacher I was on my period and had cramps, and then he let me go to the nurse's office. It was almost worth my utter embarassment to see the equally embarassed and horrified face of Mr. Lanne. Oh the male population and their awkward shyness about the female menstrual cycle. It never fails to amuse.

But anyways, where was I?

Oh, yes, talking about my brilliance.

So, I went down to the nurse's office, fed her my lie, and laid on the uncomfortable, paper-covered cot for the rest of the class. It really wasn't all that hard.

After that, it was a simple matter of running as fast as I could out of the school to meet my best friends at Charlie's car. And Charlie's car isn't very hard to find. It's the most horrid shade of green you've ever seen. The pea soup color that you remember very well from the Exorsist. And, being a convertable, you can see the red leather seats inside very clearly. It's an awful clash that kind of makes you want to cover the car up with a sheet.

"Where's the fire?" Tuck asked from the passenger seat as I hastily threw my bag over his head and climbed over the door, over him, and collapsed into the back-seat, bag to my right.

"Just shut-up. Drive Charlie." I commanded, pointing to his keys, which were swinging in the ignition.

"Sure thing Rhianna." Tuck smirked, earning himself a high-five from Charlie. "I am just on a roll today I swear!" He shouted, as Charlie turned in his seat to look behind him as he backed the car out of his unofficially owned parking spot. He abruptly slammed on the brakes and I flew forward in the seat, ramming my stomach against the center console.

"God Charlie, can you wait to be a reckless driver until _after_ I put on my seat-belt?" I asked, flopping back into the seat and rubbing my stomach. "I think I bruised my ovaries." I groaned, watching with satisfaction as Charlie's face reddened. He was so easy to make uncomfortable.

"Well sorry I didn't want to run your brother over with my car." He snapped, his eyes flickering to my side of the car as I felt a chill go down my spine.

My head whipped to the side and my eyes quickly landed on Edward. Of course. Edward was always there to foil my perfectly logical, well-thought out plans of escape from family talks. Damn him and his mind reading abilites!

"Riddely I thought you knew we were going straight home. Carlisle said he had to talk to us about something." He said, in that cool, calm voice that made girls swoon. But I had come to recognize the different kinds of girl drawing coolness in his voice. This kind of cool and calm was his controlled anger and desperation. And the hidden meaning behind his sentence was, 'I thought you could tell by my intense look at lunch that we all need to harrass you after school about your sick, dangerous desire to confide in Alec, the human murderer.'

"Edward I...I forgot." I said, looking down at my hands. "I just...I already made plans with Tuck and Charlie to go to their house and hang out for the night. Can we just...talk when I get home?" I pleaded, looking back up. I didn't need to ham up the own desperation in my voice. For God's sake I _needed_ a little time to prepare myself. "I'll be home by midnight, I promise." I said, my hand itching to grab my seat-belt and lock myself into the car.

He stared at me for a long time. And I'm sure things got really uncomfortable for Tuck and Charlie, just sitting there watching us. I was used to it though. He was searching my thoughts, weighing his options, and trying to decide if I was actually going to start kicking and screaming if he tried to physically take me from the car.

I would.

"Fine. Midnight." He warned me lightly, turning and walking back to his car, where Bella and Alice were waiting. They were both staring at me as I turned in my seat and buckled up.

Tuck and Charlie were looking at me, like I had grown a third-head and my eyeball had turned to goo.

"Drive." I said simply, readjusting the belt across my chest and turning to watch all the other students file out of the school.

"Riddely, no offense or anything, but your brother is really fucking creepy." Tuck commented after a few minutes of driving. I let out a hearty laugh and shook my head.

"Believe me, I am aware of his creepiness. He's just really protective is all. Especially after the whole..." I trailed off, my thoughts jumping to Chris. Damn it - why did he have to pop into my brain out of the blue like that? Why did he have to come and spoil my good mood?

"Right." Charlie cleared his throat, right as his cell hpone buzzed in the cup holder. He glanced down and grabbed it, flipping it open and raising it to his ear.

I tuned out his conversation, mostly out of courtesy, but also because my thoughts were otherwise preoccupied. Chris. Chris Chris Chris.

He was so...scary. I could admit it. He scared the Hell out of me. And he hated me. A lot. We hated each other with such a passion that it was almost cruel the way fate had forced him to imprint on me. It almost made me feel sorry for him. That he would have to feel that..._urge _when he didn't want it. When we were both equally opposed to the idea of anything of the sort but...he didn't have a choice. It really was a curse and because of that a small part of me pitied him.

But it was a very small part.

"Oh alright, we'll be there!" I heard Tuck shout from the passenger seat, trying to be heard through Charlie's cell-phone speaker. Charlie shot him an annoyed look and changed the phone to the other ear, out of range of Tuck's abnoxious shouts.

"Yeah sure, we'd love to come. Be there in about twenty minutes." Charlie seconded Tuck's acceptance of some invitation, only at a much more acceptable volume.

"Man this is gonna be wicked." Tuck cheered as Charlie flipped his phone shut and tossed it into the cup-holder once more.

"What's gonna be wicked?" I asked, sitting forward in my seat, straining against the seat-belt.

"There's a party going on at First Beach." Charlie said. "It's kind of to celebrate the end of the year. A little early but, they've got fireworks and this weekend works for everybody." He shrugged.

"And I heard Callie's gonna be there." Tuck smirked, making big eyes at Charlie. "You like Callie, don't you Charlie?" He asked mockingly.

But I didn't hear his response. I didn't hear any of the conversation or argument or bickering that followed.

_First Beach._ I thought, my heart sinking. _Embry._

_A/N:_ I would just like to start off by saying I AM SO SO SO SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I've been drowning in homework and I just haven't had the time or patience to sit down and write! But I would alos like to say that I'm back! I do intend to continue and, eventually, if all goes well, finish this story! I would like to say thank you to all my reviewers! Your opinions and your critiques are very much appreciated(: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Not a whole lot of Alec/Riddely interaction, but still, it's a lot _about_ Alec(: Next chapter is going to be chalk full of yummy drama and arguments and shape-shifters and sexy vampires and just..ohh I am so excited. Again, thank you and if you are still planning on reading this story, uyou have more patience with me than even _I_ do! I love you all!


	10. Chapter 10

I spent the twenty minute drive wondering if jumping right out of the car would kill me, or just seriously wound me enough to get me taken to the hospital.

But Carlisle would be at the hospital, and he'd want to know why I jumped out of a moving car of my own accord. Blast!

But by the time I had fully weighed the pros and cons of jumping out of the car - and possibly to my death - before we reached LaPush, it was already to late. I could see the sign a few hundred feet before us, letting us know we were officially driving in the reservation. In the pack's land. In the place where Embry lived and would probably be...

My mind went into over-drive, trying to think of an excuse to leave. But leaving would mean going to the house full of vampires waiting to question me until my ears bled. I was definitely between a rock and a hard place. But then, I've never really liked that saying. So, I was between a rock and another rock.

Both equally sized, impenatrable rocks.

I felt like I was going to throw-up.

"Man I hope they have that weird Indian stuff they had last time. That stuff was like, so good." Tuck commented, his feet propped up on the dashboard.

"They're Native American you idiot. Indian would mean they're from _India_." Charlie said, more focused on his driving than on his chastining of Tuck.

"Yeah, whatever same thing. Anyways, I hope they have it. I'm gonna eat the whole freakin' plate." He rammbled on for a lot longer but I couldn't force myself to be distracted by his mindless chatter. I was still trying to decide what I was going to do. There was no easy decision here. There were only two evils, and I had to choose the lesser of the two.

On the one hand, I was pretty sure the Cullens wouldn't be too worried about my crazy thoughts.

On the other hand, Edward had looked pretty pissed. That might have something to do with the fact that Alec was a member of the clan that had wanted to murder his only child. So there was that.

But then...Embry.

Embry who I had been best friends with for years but hadn't talked to in months because I was going to become his sworn enemy. I was going to go live with and become a part of one of the most feared vampire clans. I was going to leave him to be one of them.

Sometimes, it was very easy to hate myself.

"Hey Riddely, you coming or what?" Tuck called back to me, and only then did I realize we had arrived at First Beach, and Tuck and Charlie had already discarded their shoes and were walking through the sand. A ways down the beach, I could see a moving blob. A group of people gathered around a giant mound of wood that would be our bonfire once it got dark.

But then...Embry might not even be there. He could be on patrol or...or at home. He wasn't one to come to these silly, mundane social gatherings. He wouldn't be here. Of course he wouldn't be here...

"Yeah." I yelled to him. I unclipped my seat-belt and pulled off my tennis and socks, before hopping over the door and into the rocky, familiar sand of First Beach.

It felt like it had been ages since I'd last been here. And in some respect it had. But still...what would it feel like walking down this beach after seven years away? Would I even be allowed back? I looked out at the water, grey and restless, tossing in waves and wreathing in the distance. I could understand how the ocean felt now. Now that I felt the turmoil tossing and wreathing inside my chest. I could feel the waves breaking against my ribs and the tides pulling at some nameless thing inside me.

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to keep the pain locked away, deep inside. Where no one could see it or sense it. Where even _I_ could pretend it didn't exist.

"Come on Riddely!" Charlie called, and his voice was farther away than before. I blinked quickly and drew in a sharp breath.

Well, I'd never said I was particularly intelligent.

I took off after them, the sand flying up behind me and hitting the back of my calfs. I was going to regret this.

Have you ever been sitting somewhere, just thinking, and suddenly thought, _What in the HELL am I doing?_

Me too. In fact, with the whole vampire mafia living in my house and being inducted into the Volturi in about a month, I was finding myself thinking it more and more often. Like when I was sitting in psychology class. I would suddenly come out of my self-induced haze and think, why am I even here? What's the point? I'll be out of here, immortal and indestructible in a few weeks anyways.

That's what I was thinking when I suddenly became aware of my surroundings at the beach party. It was one of those nights where you can't see your breath, and it's almost warm but the wind makes you shiver. I smelled the salt from the wood and the heat from the fire. I smelled burnt hot dogs and vomit from where someone had thrown up near the woods. There were plastic cups, formerly filled with beer, littering the once pristine white sand. Tuck was sitting on a log, sloppily making out with...ugh, I was pretty sure it was Marcy. How utterly digusting. Luckily, they were slightly in the shadows, their faces partially consumed in darkness, so I couldn't see her forked tongue darting into his mouth.

What a disturbing thing that would have been to see.

I couldn't see Charlie, but I was pretty sure he had gone on a "walk" with Callie. They were great guys, but they were still guys.

I was sitting there, watching everyone stumble around and look for more beer and start passing out on the beach and I wondered why I was so stupid. Why I was even hanging around with these people. The only ones at the party I even liked were Tuck and Charlie. And even they were irritating me at the moment.

Why did they get to get drunk off their asses and act so ignorant? Why couldn't I be normal? Why couldn't I even have a chance of sneaking into my house and sleeping it off until the morning? Damn it it wasn't fair!

I crushed the bottle of water I was holding in my hand, the plastic making a strangely loud noise, and the water flowing out the top and over my hand.

There was James, his arm slung around some girl I didn't know. So that explained it. He had never wanted me specifically, he'd just wanted someone. In a weird way I could understand that. Accept it even. Pity that desire to just have someone to love you, want you, cherish you.

In the fiery glow of the flames the teenage boys dancing around in circles looked like some ancient scene from the cave-men days. I could just see them, in loin cloths with clubs, dancing around a bonfire in the woods, howling at the moon like beasts. And when had the first man turned into a beast? When had the first werewolf changed in the pale moonlight and ripped through forests, hunting and killing? How many were out there now? How many would dance around fires like these seemingly innocent boys I was watching now?

I stood up and breathed deeply. But the air was too hot. It was suffocating me. I had to get away. I had to breath. I walked towards the cool, welcoming darkness of the water, stopping near the edge and daring to go no farther. Who knew what waited below, in the chilling depths of the ocean. A mermaid? A squid? A shark? I shuddered and turned back to watch the party.

I couldn't be a part of it. I think I'd always known I could never be a part of it. There had always been something keeping me from it, a sheet of glass that wouldn't allow me to truely join them. I was always seperated, alienated, isolated. Confined to a ghetto of supernatural beings and things that would always look down on me for what I was. Human.

Always the outsider. Always the odd one. Always just...not fitting. Out of place. Out.

I choked on the air and slid down into the sand.

Even if I wasn't a part of it, I would miss it. I would miss pretending that I could belong. I would miss the slight possibility. That chance, that choice was gone. Taken. Stolen. Poof.

I slumped onto my side, the side of my face resting in the sand and I wanted to puke until I was empty. Until I died from dehydration. I just wanted to be done because this hurt too much and I'd thought I was getting better but I wasn't. I was just living in denial. But I had to face it. I had to see.

This was what I was loosing.

The care-free, idiotic life that I could see laid out before my eyes. That was what my life could've been if that stupid six-year old me hadn't done what she'd done. If that stupid girl had just kept her nose in her own business.

I heard my sob but I didn't register that I was the one crying for a long time. By the time I finally realized that my face was covered with tears and my head was pounding and my ears were wet from the salty drop falling down my face, it was too late to stop it. I wasn't even sure if I would have wanted to stop it if it didn't hurt so much. If my heart wasn't caving in and suffocating under the weight of the blood that, in a month, wouldn't flow anymore. Wouldn't move. Wouldn't serve any purpose.

But it was a good pain. A pain that I needed to live. To grieve for this life so that, after I'd done crying, I could finally, _finally_ start to accept things.

"There are people looking for you, you know." I heard from somewhere above me. I jumped into a sitting position in the sand and looked. Of all people, Alec had to be there. It was like everything had dissolved into a saddened haze and he was here to thicken it.

"J-just...g-g-go." I sobbed, and collapsed again into the sand. I didn't even care anymore. I just wanted to lay there and feel bad for myself. It felt better and worse at the same time. Bittersweet. Hot and cold. Fire and ice. Heaven and Hell.

"Demetri and I had a bet about who could find you first. You're lucky I won." He continued, and I could hear him moving in the sand, turning to watch the party. And for one awful, horrible moment I had the worst thought I've ever thought in my life. I'm ashamed of it. I hate myself for it, but I still thought it. I won't pretend I didn't.

I thought, _Kill them Alec. Kill them all because they have what I never will. They have a normal life and I hate them all for it so just go crazy and kill them all._

My own wretchedness only made me cry harder. How could I even _think _such a thing? That not only was detestible, it was also unsafe. If I had thoughts like that as a newborn, without the Cullens there to help me...I'd be done for. I'd be sucked in by the seduction of human blood. Thoughts like that would make it easy to fall off the wagon.

"You really should stop crying like that. It sounds painful." Alec said, but I couldn't. The sobs racking my body were unstoppable. I wondered if they would calm down or if they would eventually just shake my body apart. I hiccuped and cried and groaned in pain at my headache and then sobbed a lot more.

I heard Alec shuffling around in the sand and then he huffed. I couldn't remember ever hearing or seeing or even sensing impatience in him. It was..weird.

"Why don't you just l-leave?" I asked, turning away from him in the sand and curling into a ball. I was getting tired.

"I will as soon as you _get up_." He snapped. "The Cullens are out looking for you. I had to make sure you hadn't tried to skip town. And in case you weren't aware, I'm not supposed to be here. Which means we need to leave. Now." He said, and I didn't move. "_Get up._" He said, and I only cried harder.

"Make me you asshole." I managed to get out without stuttering or a sob or hiccup interrupting my sentence. Suddenly I could feel him right above me, his breath on my ear and I had the competence to stiffen.

"I haven't fed all day. I suggest you listen to me, and don't make me upset, _Riddely_." He warned, something dangerously seductive in his voice. But it was a seductiveness he couldn't help. It was almost an instinct to try and woo me when he was hungry. His most primal, basic instincts were telling him he needed to feed, and he could do that by charming me to come with him.

"I'm not going anywhere with you if you're hungry." I said, scooting away from him in the sand before recurling into my ball. In my moment of vulnerability my survival instincts abandoned me. I didn't care that he was literally blood-thirsty and I was disobeying him. My chest was weighing down with every single regret and hope and impossibility inside me. I could barely breath, let alone get up and actually walk. It was nice on the sand, listening to the sounds of normal teenage life a little aways from me.

"Fine." He said, and he sat on the beach beside me. He wasn't going to risk actually grabbing me. Any movement that was even remotely hostile could quickly spiral into a series of very bad events. Events that would leave me empty of blood and not immortal. Just dead.

We sat in silence and not a minute had passed before there was a loud shriek, followed by twenty more. Lights exploded in the sky as each firework took off, short intervals between each. The colors weren't very bright. In fact, the show was kind of dingy and low-scale. But I stared at it, entranced.

"Humans made those." I muttered, barely even noticing that my sobbing had calmed. I sniffed, snot retreating back up my nose. I couldn't imagine I looked very good at that moment. But my eyes were heavy and swollen from crying and I just wanted to sleep. "We can make pretty things." I said, almsot like I was arguing but for what I wasn't sure.

Alec didn't say anything.

"When I was five, I checked this book out at the library." I started, a memory, fuzzy and foggy, replaying in my head. I'd watched that memory a thousand times, but I wasn't sure why I was sharing it with Alec. "It was about vampires. I was reading it at school one day and this little boy - well, my age I guess - walked up to me and said they weren't real. I told him he was wrong. And then he took my book from me, stomped on it, pushed me down and ran away. His name was Erick." I sniffed, and ran my sleeve under my nose. "I cried and wished he would just leave me alone. The next day I wrote a dialogue, one of my first, I think, of a phone call between me and a woman. I wasn't sure who it was about but I knew that someone died. I pretended it was Erick. I know, terrible and over-dramatic, but he was mean. Anyways, last year I decided to look him up." I said, my eyes still on the sky even though the fireworks were over. "He died in a car accident a couple years ago. I called his sister. I pretended to be one of his friends. And I held that piece of paper from all those years ago in my hands and I knew everything she was going to say before she even said it." I felt my chest twinge as the memory of that day in the kitchen filled my eyes. God, it still hurt. "And I'd pretended that was him. I'd wished that little boy dead for trying to tell me what he thought. Who know, maybe me thinking that made it so he was the one to die."

"Don't be stupid." Alec suddenly cut in. His tone was harsh and cruel and awful. "You humans...you think you actually have to power to control the future? Once a future is set, it's set. Until that time, sure, it changes all it wants. But it's like cemente. When it's still wet you can mold it. After it dries there's nothing you can do. That boy would've died whether you wanted him to or not. So don't be ignorant." He snapped at me, and I flinched. But it helped. I'd been waiting for someone to tell me that. To be mean enough to get it through my thick skull. I breathed deeply.

"Thanks." I mumbled. Before he could respond or, more likely, not respond, we both tensed. In that single moment, we were perfectly synched, because we both just _knew_ that trouble was coming our way. I sat up in the sand and looked at the party. It was all in order. Or rather, planned chaos.

But there, down the beach, moving abnormally fast and still managing to look tan in the dark was the LaPush wolf pack. Headed by Embry, of all people. And even from a distance, I could see him shaking.

"Oh no..." I said. But this time I wasn't afraid for them alone. I was almost afraid for Alec too, because I knew he couldn't use his power on them. And I knew that they didn't know that. This wouldn't end well.

I stood quickly, sand falling off my jeans and I heard Alec stand too, albeit more gracefully than I had.

"Let's go." I said, turning and pushing at his arm.

"Too late." He smirked in a very dangerous way. My stomach dropped.

"Alec _no_. We need to leave. You know they can hurt you and you can hurt them so let's just-"

"Riddely!" Came a furious, quivering shout from behind me. I jumped and spun around. Embry was standing there. Oh...Embry.

"Hey Em." I greeted, and then flinched. Had I lost the right to use that nickname? I wasn't sure yet.

"Come here." He demanded, pointing to the sand right next to him.

I could almost see the imaginary line drawn in the sand. Between Alec and the shapeshifters I had known nearly my whole life. Between friends and foe. If Alec was a foe, which I still wasn't sure about.

My muscles tensed, half of me wanted to run across to Embry. To run straight into those warm, shaking arms but the half of me that was slightly stupid but entirely instinct driven told me not to move. Told me that if I moved people were going to get hurt. I had to stay where I was. I had to be a barrier. A sheild for Alec.

And I couldn't believe I was actually willing to be a sheild for him but I wasn't doing it just to save his ass. I was doing it to keep Embry or Jake or Paul from getting hurt. Couldn't they see that?

"Riddely!" Embry growled again, and I jumped, my body shifting back, closer to Alec. It was accidental. I hadn't meant to step away from them. I'd meant to stay firmly planted where I was. But I knew Embry. And I knew that, to him, it probably looked like I was choosing. Like I was somehow choosing the Volturi over him. But that wasn't it at all. I didn't have a choice! I was just trying to keep everything from getting out of hand. _Please think about this Embry! Please don't be stupid!_

"Embry just calm down." I said, holding my hands out and trying to ignore the fact that they were shaking. Since when was I afraid of Embry? Jake must have noticed my uncharacteristic fear, because he stepped up and placed a hand across Embry's chest, sending his intense alpha waves out and forcing Embry to take two steps back. Now Jake was in his rightful place, at the head of the pack.

"Riddely, please come with us." Jake said, much more calmly than Embry had, but there was still a faint quiver in his voice. A controlled anger. A slow, burning rage that could roar into a melting fire at any moment.

"If I do are you going to attack Alec the second I'm out of the way?" I asked, and wished there had been a better way to phrase that. They'd think I was concerned for him. Wanted to protect him. Which I guess I kind of did but...if that had been the only reason, I probably would've moved. Alec was still scary.

"Why do you care?" Embry shouted, and it looked almost as if he were struggling against the force of a command, trying to get to me. To grab me and take me away or to hit me I wasn't sure.

"I can't let you hurt him." I said, speaking slowly. Snarls and growls ripped through the pack. "Listen alright? The Volturi and the Cullens have an agreement - you know this Jake - and if you hurt him, it'll most likely spark open war between the Volturi and the Cullens. I can't let that happen. I can't let you hurt him, for the sake of my family." I explained, locking eyes with Embry. _Please understand. _

"Are you sure that's the only reason?" Embry snarled, eyes on Alec. I looked behind my shoulder. Alec was doing his creepy stare thing again, but this time not at me, at Embry.

"Not helping Alec. Just...look away or something." I hissed, turning back around. "Yes Embry, that's the only reason." It wasn't _really_ a lie. Okay, it was just a little bit of a lie.

"He's on our land Riddely, you know the rules." Jake said, and he sounded so much older than he did around Nessie. So much wiser and more powerful. This was alpha Jake, not my friend Jake. We were playing by different rules now.

"You'll have to go through me first." I said, this time taking a conscious step back, away from them, and closer to Alec. It hurt, really it did. Having to move away from them. But I was trying to protect them. I was trying to save them. If only they weren't so hell-bent on fighting every vampire that came their way...

Embry growled and began to lower into a predatory position. I felt a cold grasp on my arm, like ice against my skin that was burning from the worry and the crying fits. Alec touching me certainly didn't help the situation. Every member of the pack tensed and low growls circulated throughout the group. Hostility hung in the no-mans-land between us. The line that hadn't been crossed. _Couldn't_ be crossed.

"Embry calm down." Jake demanded, and with an effort Embry straightened again. "You know the laws Riddely-"

"I _know_ Jake." I said, exasperated. "And I'm _asking_ you to make an exception. Just this once. For a friend." I pleaded with him. I just wanted him to see me like he used to. A kid excited about the world and about the life of supernatural things. I wanted him to see Riddely, not what I would become.

A pregnant silence followed, and I held my breath.

"Go." Jake said. I cautiously took a step to leave. "If we catch him on our land again, there will be no exceptions." His voice was low, warning, and dangerous. So unlike the Jake I remembered seeing laughing in the Cullen kitchen, eating a bowl of pasta big enough to feed a family.

"I understand." I said.

And then we left.

**ohhhhhhhh, sort of a cliffhanger! ahaha I hope you enjoyed it. I tried really hard to capture her devistation in this one. Hope it worked(: Read and review. I'll update maybe soon. But don't worry y'all. I will finish this story. I'm determined. **


	11. Chapter 11

The woods transform at night. They turn into a completely foreign place that molds the beauty of the foliage into snakes and monsters scratching at your ankles. The boughs of the tress you climb so elatedly in the sunlight are daunting and threatening, looming down over you and seducing you, in their dangerous dark way to step closer and become entangled in their branches. The animals, that are magestic and mighty and _protectors_ in the day are _predators_ at night. The chipmunk in the underbrush is a savage beast waiting to tear through your flesh and the owl hooting is a bandit, signalling the rest of the ruffians that now is the time to attack.

At least, that's what it feels like. Every shadow is a being. Every sound belongs to an entity. Nothing is something. Everything is nothing, fading into a dark cloud that's hard to see through and suddenly your thinking, _Is that me who's breathing so loud? Did that plant just move on its own or was it the wind? And was the twig snapping caused by my own foot or is someone right behind me? _

In my case, someone really was right behind me. And he _was_ a savage blood-thirsty beast with a liking for human blood. And he was somehow ghostly in the moonlight because of the way he almost floated over the ground. Alec _was_ the woods during the night. He was the mystery and the forbiddeness, and the danger. Alec was one of the key components of nightmares and scary campfire stories.

But I'd never really found campfire stories particularly frightening, and my nightmares had always been about other things (Chris.) So, in some ways, the fact that I couldn't bring myself to be afraid of Alec while we walked through the woods in the middle of the night was because I'd never had to good sense to be afraid of the right things. Sure, Chris was a legitimate fear, but spiders? Deep water? Cats (long story)?

I knew I should've been afraid, and some deep, smart, neanderthal thinking part of me was absolutely terrified. It resonated in my very core. But consciously, the fear wasn't there. I should have been afraid but I wasn't. I had been, at one point, but not anymore. Something was different. Nothing particularly incredible had happened, but that didn't matter. For some reason something had changed.

"You can leave now. I don't need to be escorted home." I said, keeping my eyes forward. We were off LaPush ground but how much farther could I walk before Edward would be able to pick up my thoughts? How much more time did I have inside my own head, nice and alone?

"I'm not escorting you." Alec sniffed, seming completely indifferent to the conversation he had been a key part of only ten minutes earlier. "I'm guarding you. Making sure the mutt doesn't come and try to sweep you off your feet and whisk you away like he was saving you."

"Don't call him that." I scolded, but my heart wasn't in it.

"Would you prefer dog? Or maybe...filth? Incompetant being?"

"Enough Alec. I think I'm done talking to you today." I snapped, walking faster. He was still behind me but I knew any chance of loosing him was impossible. He would catch me in a heartbeat. I didn't have a chance for solitude. "God, do you know what?" I asked, spinning around and coming face to face with him. "I've been playing by your rules, acting like a good little human, and I still can't have one moment to myself. Do you know the times I've been completely alone since we've been back? That one time, back there at the beach, and even then I wasn't really alone! Do you not understand how unfair you're being? Do you not even _comprehend_ how...how...ugh! God I'd slap you if it could hurt you!" I screamed, throwing my hands up and turning away again, rebeginning my march, but then I changed my mind. I wasn't done yet.

"And you know what else? Edward being mad at me is your fault!" I screamed, jabbing a finger at his chest. "You had to do your freaky...eye thing all the time and now he thinks you've corrupted me or something equally as crazy! Every single fucking time I turn around someone is there to ask me questions, see how I'm doing, and asking, 'hey, you aren't going to be a crazy newborn are you?' Like that's supposed to make me feel better! Well you know what, I wish you people would just leave me the hell alone already! I don't _need_ to be guarded okay? I _agreed_ to become a part of your little gang and I won't go back on that promise okay? You won Alec!" I screamed, stepping back and holding my arms out to the side. Did I look as crazy as I sounded?

"Are you happy now? You won! You won! You won! You'll have my mortality by the end of the spring, you've taken away any chance I have at a normal life, and you've turned my family against me. Was it intentional or was the last part just a bonus?" I asked. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I knew I was being unfair. I knew it wasn't really Alec's fault. I knew that in his own twisted way, he'd only been trying to be...well, not friendly just...not hateful.

Even farther back in my mind I knew I shouldn't be shouting at him like this. He was still a vampire. He was still stronger and faster and better than me. He could kill me without even thinking about it.

"What else do you WANT?" I screeched, staring at him, his stony, emotionless face for a grand total of three seconds before turning and falling to the ground again. It was becoming a bit of a habit.

My sobs weren't as hysterical as they'd been on the beach, but they were loud and snotty and made me even more exhausted.

I dropped my head into my hands and shivered. It was colder in the woods.

The sounds of the forest creeped back, the animals finally gathering the courage to move and chirp again after my outburst. The outburst that had been unplanned and uncalled for and...so hateful. So hysterical. So unlike me that I wondered if somehow Riddely Cullen was trying to meld with Riddely Grey. If she was, she was making an awful mess of a person.

"You really shouldn't cry like that." I heard from beside me. Alec. He'd said it before and just like the last time I didn't listen.

I didn't even look up. I'd expected him to leave. That's what I would've done if someone had blown up on me. I would've left them in the woods to find their own way home. But no, Alec was guarding me wasn't he? He couldn't just leave me here.

"You humans...you always have to take everything so personally. You get so very...emotional about the smallest thing. It's amazing really, how self-centered you are without even knowing it."

"I know it." I said, turning my head against my hands so that I could see him. "I know I'm selfish and arrogant and sometimes I even think I'm just the funniest, clever thing around. I know that." I sighed, looking back over the green that was washed out in the moonlight. I sniffed. "But it doesn't mean I won't miss being this melodramatic. It keeps life interesting." I shrugged, pulling at the green leaves beneath my hands. They ripped out of the dirt easily, and cold flecks of mud hit my palm, the roots of the weed swinging to and fro.

"You humans..." He sighed.

"Don't act so superior. You were like me once." I shot at him, before sighing. "Well, I doubt you were _really_ like me, but you know what I mean. You were human once. You breathed and bled and hell, I bet you even cried."

"I wouldn't know." He said, his voice that even tone that let me know I was getting to him. He was closing up again, curling into the shell that had hardened over years and years of life as the bad guy. Sometimes I wasn't even sure there was any good guy left inside the shell. But I had to think there was...It was something in the way he said things, the way he chose words specifically for their vagueness or their double meaning or their connotation that made me believe that somewhere, deep inside he was still good. He still had a tiny, caged Jiminy Cricket somewhere on his shoulder. He was just ignoring it. It was the only way to stay sane - or as sane as any Volturi member can get - after living hundreds of years. It was a defense mechanism, but he didn't understand that he didn't need it right then. I knew, if he ever wanted to show that side of himself to me, I would've protected it. I would've kept it secret and safe. Not because he was an angle in disguise. Not because I wanted to be closer to him. It was because I owed it to him.

He'd seen me at my most vulnerable. He'd shouldered away my hysteric fits of crying and lashing out at everything and anything for the simple fact that I was angry. He could've teased me mericlessly. He could've made it so much worse. He could've driven me to complete maddness. It would've been fairly easy. But he didn't. And that made all the difference.

"Did it hurt?" I asked, not daring to look at him. Was his face still stone? Were his eyes still those swirling pools of crimson? But no, they couldn't be. Over the weeks they had cooled in color. The redish amber was more human now than I had ever seen it. Still unnatural, in a conventional sense, but better than the bright red rubies that I had first seen. "When you changed, I mean. Did it hurt?"

"I think. It's hard to remember it now." He said, immediately and with so little infliction in his voice that I wondered if he was lying. But, I would never be able to figure out if he was anyways, so what was the point of doubting him?

"What _do_ you remember?" I asked, curious despite myself. I wanted to know.

"Waking up. Aro was there. And the rest...well, it doesn't matter." He said, sounding almost...tired. But...tired couldn't be used to describe Alec could it? He was so...immortal and strong and indifferent. He could be angry and scary and confusing and intimidating but _never_ tired. Vampires like Alec didn't get tired.

"Who will change me?" I asked, surprising even myself by diving headfirst into one of the topics that scared me most. My own change. My own fate. Doom. Demise, whatever you wanted to call it, it had the same end result. Me, immortal and sparkling and vicious.

"Aro, I expect."

"Where?" I asked. I couldn't quite picture it in my head. Would we be alone? In a dark room? Or would there be torches? Would I be locked up so that my initial, crazed newborn blood-lust couldn't get me killed or discovered? I couldn't decide if that would be worse than standing in a room filled with the Volturi, all of them looking on as I was bitten. As I collapsed and screamed. And the worst part was that I could see their faces even now.

They wouldn't care. They wouldn't flinch at my yells. They wouldn't come when I called out to them to help me. They would just stand there, and stare, and _wait_.

"I can't be sure." He said, but this time I just knew he was lying. It was the way he made his voice so casual and innocent. It was the innocence that gave him away really, because Alec could never be genuinly innocent. I didn't think it meant he was evil or manipulative or keniving. He was just...too powerful to be innocent. He had lived too long and seen too much. I knew that in my bones. I could feel it. Alec was an old soul. A withered, wrinkled old man in the body of a 15 year old. Or maybe at this point the man was just ash, and all that remained was the vampire.

"You're lying." I said, but I couldn't bring myself to care. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me. I guess I'll find out soon enough. I just hope Aro doesn't try and talk to me first. I can't stand his questions. They're so..."

"Unanswerable?" Alec asked, and I looked at him, startled.

And then he laughed.

He actually, in a very non cruel, unfake way, laughed out loud. Laughed like a human did. Like a happy human did.

Okay, it wasn't a very loud laugh, or a very long laugh, but it was a laugh all the same.

"You should laugh more." I said, before thinking to shut up. I looked away again. "It makes you look less..." Tortured? No, too awful sounding. Blue? Not enough depth. "sad." I decided was the best word.

We didn't talk for a long time after that. Well, it _felt_ like a long time. In reality, I know it only could have been a few minutes that we sat there in silence, each lost in thoughts of different times and places and people and faces.

"We need to go." Alec said, rising from his spot and looking forward. I sat there for a long moment, thinking that, as unorthodox as it was, this was the calmest I'd been in a long time. And I wished, for one crazy moment, that I could just sit in the woods with Alec all night, talking or not talking. It didn't matter. I just didn't want to leave.

"Right." I whispered, sitting a little longer. Then I placed my hands behind me to heave myself off the ground. But as I looked up I noticed a pale white hand extended down to me. A hand belonging to Alec.

I looked up, watching his face as he didn't watch me. Was he offering to help me up? Was this symbolic for something or was he just being...gentlemanly. Could he even act like a gentleman? Was this him trying to charm me into letting him drink my blood?

My mind raced with a thousand million trillion possibilities in those few seconds that I sat staring at the hand. The hand that was extended to me, an offering. An offering of what I wasn't sure. _Take the hand and you'll find out._ The wind seemed the whisper through the trees. My heart hurt with the force of its pounding. I didn't think to try and calm it, given the fact that there was a hungry vampire standing directly in front of me.

And then Alec looked at me.

It wasn't his calculating, demeaning stare. It wasn't his threatening stare. It wasn't even his almost-pity stare. It was just...looking. Observing. Remembering, on might call it. He didn't try and pry past the surface of my skin with his eyes, to see into my head like Edward so often did. He didn't narrow his eyes or widen them or do anything. He just stared, and the moment was held completely suspended in time. For a single second everything froze. Stopped. My heart, my breathing, the Earth on it's axis. Everything.

And then I took his hand, he pulled me to my feet, and it was over. The cold grasp fell away, as softly as it had come, and Alec turned and started to walk. I had to remind my brain to keep functioning, my cells to keep working, and my legs to start moving. It was like I'd been shocked dead and shocked back to life in the same instant. I felt thrown.

"You know they'll be waiting when we get back." I called forward to him, when I finally gathered myself together and managed to form a coherant thought. Even if that coherant thought only served to inspire fear in my very core.

"I know."

**I know, I know, kind of really short but the next chapter is probably going to be really long so I didn't want to have to make a very very long chapter. So I split it into a short chapter and a long chapter instead. Hope you enjoyed it, I know I certainly loved writing it. More of Riddely's past will be revealed next chapter, as well as some of her future;)**


	12. Chapter 12

Have you ever walked into a room, and realized that everyone was just talking about you? You can always tell. The air becomes still and murmurs cease. Eyes don't look at you, in fact they look anywhere but you, and that's what gives them away. There's a nervous squirm in the atmosphere of the room and your stomach grows tight and uncomfortable. The temperature increases and your shoes feel like the don't fit quite right. There's a moment when no one says anything, and then one of two things can happen.

The first, more common thing is that life resumes. The moment passes and then everyone begins talking again, you walk into the room and try to find a normal position. You smile and laugh with everyone else but inside you wonder what they could possibly have been saying about you. You don't ask though, because in your gut you have a feeling it was nothing good. So you ignore the incident entirely, and just move on. After a few days, maybe even weeks, it completely fades from your mind and ceases to exist in your memory. It's forgotten.

The second is what happened to me. It's the more uncomfortable, more stressful, more avoided of the two options. Instead of someone pressing the play button on life again, they keep is paused for just a few seconds too long. After that, it's impossible to just forget. It's impossible to just restart like nothing happened. You have to face the fact that everyone was just talking about you, and you have to face it head-on.

I stopped, my feet just outside the kitchen. The house had been quiet when I'd walked in. On a normal basis, that might not have been too strange, but it was the kind of unnatural quiet that has you looking over your shoulder. It was like the house was holding its breath, and you tip-toed around because it felt forbidden to make too much noise.

The light in the kitchen was warm, and even inviting one might say. But the people in the room were anything but, save for Carlisle and Esme. They were always welcoming, no matter what. But the faces of everyone else were stone. Hard. Critical. And in that moment I just _knew_ they knew everything that had happened that night. Edward had told them. I could see it in his face. Behind the unflinching eyes, something stirred. A hint of guilt at having pried, once again, into my thoughts.

_Alec wouldn't have done this to me._ I thought, and the thought wasn't wholly true. I only thought it because I knew it would make Edward upset. I delighted in the way his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and his body tensed even further.

Nothing moved for a long time. I just stood there, watching Edward watch me. Everyone else was looking somewhere else. And Jasper...my chest began to pinch painfully when my eyes finally landed on him, and his face was down, eyes on the table. He looked almost...ashamed of me. Could he feel how guilty he was making me? Could he feel how disappointed I was that I'd disappointed him? Even if the disappointment was unfair, and unreasonable. I had the right to speak to whomever I wanted. Why couldn't they just release their grip just a bit so I could breathe? Why couldn't they just..._Let me go._ I thought, shuddering. I'd be gone in a month anyways. They'd have to learn to lose me. Lose me for a whole 7 years.

"Riddely." Carlisle was the one to finally break the silence. His voice was calm and soothing and professional. I was a patient in his hospital, and he was politely making a request. "Why don't you sit down?" He asked, pulling a chair out for me. I wanted to refuse. I wanted to just shake my head and go up to my room. But I knew that this conversation or...interrogation or...intervention needed to happen. We needed to really talk.

"'Kay." I mumbled, moving. The spell was broken. If anyone else in the room had needed to breath they would've released a long breath with me. I sat down, my arms immediatley gripping the arm-rests. I could sense the complete rigidness of Rosalie from where she sat beside me. Weren't they all over-reacting just a tad?

"Are you hurt?" Carlisle asked, still the only one to have spoken.

"Edward can answer that." I said evenly, looking up at the vampire I had learned to call brother and uncle and friend. "He's picked through my every thought already."

No one responded to that one. They must have decided to ignore it.

"Where were you?" Carlisle asked.

"The beach." I answered simply, my eyes still locked on the side of Edwards face. He was still facing the door, frozen in the exact same position he'd been in when I'd first entered. It was like he was waiting for me to walk in differently. More ashamed and begging for forgiveness. But what did they need to forgive me for? I'd done nothing wrong.

"Why?" Carlisle asked, stepping towards Edward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"There was a party there and Tuck and Charlie wanted to go. So, they drove down there and since I was in their car, I ended up there too." I said, looking down at my hands, studying the lines running across them. I knew they knew everything already. I didn't understand why I was being questioned. Couldn't they just yell at me already? I knew that's what Edward wanted to do. Rosalie probably too._ And maybe Jasper_ I thought with a pang in my heart.

"Something happened there." Bella spoke. I knew she was probably, after Esme and Carlisle, the least upset with me. Bella could be so understanding. When she wanted to be.

"Yes." I answered, not looking up. Sweat broke out on my forehead, but I refused to dab at it. Then they'd know I was sweating.

"Can you tell us?"

"Edward already has, so let's stop pretending okay?" I asked, trying to laugh but it came out as more of a pathetic puff of air. I looked up to see them all finally staring at me. Once again tension took over the room, and made eveything buzz. And once again, Carlisle was there to break it in such a delicate way that no one was hurt.

"We'd like to hear you tell it." He said, and moved to stand closer to the table. I looked at the faces gathered around me. I looked at all of them who had taken me in and loved me and protected me from so much. I loved them all. But no matter how hard I looked I couldn't see a reason in their faces. I couldn't understand why everyone was so upset, so flustered, so worried.

"I was at the beach and...I just..." I took a deep breath. Vulnerability wasn't something I was proud of. To tell all of them of my break-down? Awful. But it had to be done. They couldn't understand the story fully if they didn't know everything. And it wasn't like I could hide anything anyways. Not with Edward's eyes on my face. I looked at Jasper, focused on him. He was always there for me. I prayed he'd understand now, why I'd choosen to leave with Alec instead of fleeing to the safety of the wolf pack.

"I got a little upset. Everything just kind of...hit me, I guess. I stepped away from everyone and then Alec showed up. He said everyone was looking for me and we had to go." I watched as Jasper's eyes flickered with the emotion I recognized. Compassion. He didn't hate me. That was enough for now. "I said no because...he was..." I trailed off, wishing I could skip telling this part. Maybe I could, maybe Edward hadn't seen that part-

"Hungry." Edward put in for me, and my hands clenched against the armrests, my nails digging into the wood. Why couldn't he just let me tell this my way? I didn't even spare him a glance. I knew that if I looked at him I'd only yell or cry again because I just didn't understand how he could be so...intrusive on my thoughts. My feelings. It wasn't his right.

"Yes...hungry." I whispered. "The pack showed up, and they told me to come with them. But I didn't because...I just...didn't want them to get hurt. You know, with Alec's powers and everything."

A vicious hiss rang out from Edward and I flinched. My stomach caved into itself and I thought for a second my lungs were going to fall out onto the kitchen table. I'd wanted to protect Alec's secret. I wasn't even sure it _was_ a secret. Probably not to Edward but the fact that I'd tried to hide it wouldn't go over well.

"She's lying." He hissed, and Carlisle raised a hand to stop him from speaking anymore. I looked at the table, not even able to hold Jasper's gaze anymore. At Edwards words his eyes had hardened over again. So untrusting of me.

"Riddely..." Carlisle began, but I couldn't stand this calm conversation anymore. No one was _really_ calm! Why couldn't we just act like we were as crazed as we felt?

"I'm sorry okay? I don't even know what you want me to be sorry about but I'm sorry! I'm sorry I had to bring the Volturi back with me, I'm sorry for making you guys a target again, and I'm sorry for lying just now. But I'm not sorry for talking to Alec or trying to protect him! My thoughts are my own. There's a _reason_ I don't say some things out loud _Edward_!" I shouted.

"We're only trying to keep you safe Riddely," Jasper cut in, rising.

"From what? My own curiosity? Alec talks to me. And I mean he _really_ talks to me. He doesn't hide things because he doesn't think I can handle it. He just tells me the truth which is all I've _ever_ wanted from you!"

"You're just a child." Rosalie hissed.

"And in less than a month I'll be immortal." I whispered, and everyone fell silent. Couldn't they talk about it? Couldn't they even look at me? "You can't protect me when I'm all the way in Italy. You can't keep..." I trailed off, stepping away from the table and walking around it, towards Jasper. He looked so striken. Like he'd been punched in the stomach and it'd actually hurt him. I kneeled down beside him. "You can't keep sheltering me." I whispered, reaching up tentatively to place a hand on the side of his face. He was so cold. Like thin ice on the verge of breaking. Splintering and cracking. _It's okay._ I thought, for both my sake and Edwards. "I can't keep locking myself away." I muttered, dropping my hand and standing again, turning to face everyone. "I have to feel what I feel. Think what I think. Do what I want to do or I'm going to end up one bitter, angry newborn. And we all know how those newborns turn out." I muttered, effectively making everyone in the room shift uncomfortably. They knew.

"Riddely it's just...we don't know if your course of action is the best. It might lead to..."

"Other things." Edward snapped, not in the least bit moved by my words. Jasper was though. He reached over and grabbed my hand in his. It was a comforting feeling.

"Like..." I started to ask. I can't really remember what the rest of the question was going to be. My head was starting to pound." Like..." I tried again, shutting my eyes tightly against the light. God it was so bright in here. Was it always so god damn bright? "I need to sit down." I said, falling back into the chair I just knew Jasper had vacated for me. I could almost hear all the anger and bitterness swoosh out of the room in a giant wind as everyone moved to crowd around me. I could feel Edward on my other hand, Bella's hand on my back. Emmet's hand was on my shoulder. Carlisle and Esme each had a hand on my other shoulder.

_We're here._ The hands said, softly as a leaf touching the ground. _It's okay._

"Paper." I said, leaning back against the chair, resisting the urge to dig my nails into the wood and tear and bite and destroy anything near me. This was a bad episode.

"Here." Someone said, I couldn't tell anymore. I couldn't tell who's hand was whose or if it was a good thing they were all touching me. I could feel the pencil, in my hand, but couldn't remember taking it. It didn't matter. If it hadn't been there I would've started scratching into the wood of the table with my nails. I hadn't had a episode like this for a long time. The last time had been when I was in kindergarten. I'd carved the entire monologue I'd said to the first vampires I'd met onto the bathroom stall. When my teacher had found me they'd called my parents. I had to start visiting a shrink after that. Not that it helped.

I could feel my hand moving across the paper, the words leaking out of the end of the pencil like water. Flowing.

At the same time they burned my fingertips, spouting fire, scarring my hands. Everything hurt but it was a good pain. It was a releasing pain that eased the tension in my forehead, while at the same time charred my hand alive. This was definitely the worst I'd had in a long time. It could only mean one thing, and it was nothing good.

Strong events, strong moments, leave a deeper impression than, say, what color shirt you pick out in the morning. Some people say a single, seemingly obsolete decision can change your life. I guess, in a sense, that's true. But there's a difference between something being possible and something being likely. Most of my dialogues created conversations that made very little difference in the long run. The painful ones though, the ones that made me want to cut my brain out and throw my hand into a bucket of ice - those were the important ones, and I already knew this would be one of the most important dialogues I would ever write.

Even after my pencil had clattered to the table, I couldn't open my eyes for several hours. Someone carried me to my room and set me on the bed in the dark. The feeling of calm didn't numb the pain but it made it more bearable, to some extent.

"Jasper," I croaked, reaching out. A cold hand slipped into mine. I squeezed it with all my might, knowing I couldn't hurt him. "I didn't mean to do anything wrong." I whispered sincerely. I hadn't, truly.

"Shh. I believe you. Just rest for now." He soothed me, the smell of his skin as he moved closer even more calming. I curled into his side, his arm draped over my shoulder. I'd missed him terribly. My big brother. My protector. I hadn't even realized it until then.

In the back of my mind I knew that the Sun was slowly beginning to light the sky in the East, but I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes just yet. The pounding was subsiding, the fire ebbing. I was almost better. Almost.

"Bring me what I wrote." I said, sitting up, eyes still firmly shut. "I'll be ready to see it in a minute."

"I don't think-"

"They're all in here aren't they?" I asked, suddenly wondering if Jasper was in fact the only person in the room. "They've all read it." The silence ate away at me.

"Yes." He said, seeming to choke on his words.

"It's bad then?" I asked, forcing my eyes open. The Sun was not bright enough to blind me yet. There stood my family, circled around the bed like I was dying. Alice clutched the paper in her hand, and seemed perfectly unwilling to let it go. "Let me see." I demanded, slowly rising to my knees on the matress. No one moved. No one spoke. Another moment stood suspended in time, and I didn't breath. "I have a right." I finally said, reaching farther. "Let me see it." My voice was harder this time, more forceful and powerful than before. It was my future, I could already tell by the looks on all their faces. I needed to know.

"Riddely, maybe we should-"

"Give it to me!" I shouted, lunging forward and snatching the paper from Alice. She didn't protest, didn't move. She even released it when I made contact. She'd expected it. I unfolded the paper, the words swimming before my eyes a moment until they focused.

My eyes ran down the page, taking in the words that made my stomach turn and my body shake. They'd been right. But weren't they always right? Now that I'd seen it I wished I could erase that memory. I wished I could have torn the paper to shreds and never been the wiser. I cursed the gift that had saved me so many times before, yet was now delivering me the words that would be spoken before I died.

I felt the bile rise up in the back of my throat as I read the last line. The line that would be the end of me.

My death wish.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: **_I lied! THIS is the long chapter. Some serious shiz is about to go down. Are you prepared? _

Story Start:

People say that when you're on the verge of death, your life flashes before your eyes. They say that there's a bright light and for a fraction of a second you suddenly remember every significant and unsignificant event of your long or short life. Then that fraction of a second ends and you die, either floating into heavenly light or plunging into the firey pits of Hell.

Personally, I've always thought such a belief was nonsense. You can't remember that much that quickly. And there's no firey pits below the surface of the Earth, unless you count the molten lava core of the planet. As for heaven...well, I've just never really been a big fan. It's over-rated. You have to follow too many rules to get into that V.I.P. club and too much blood has been spilt over the issue. It's nice though, to believe that there's something after death. If you don't believe in anything then the end is just a looming nothing. You can't imagine ceasing to exist, no matter how hard you try. And when you know that your end is near, you don't even _want_ to try and imagine it.

So, as I sat in the woods, I read through the words over and over again, trying not the think about the obliteration of my consciousness. Every memory, unspoken word, unvoiced idea - everything I'd ever kept bottled up - would die with me. And I'd bottled a lot up in my years.

The paper was crinkled around the edges, and smudged with oil from the many, many times I'd already run my fingers over the words. The graphite of the pencil smeared over the last line, and there was a tear in the left corner. But no matter how many times I took it out to read it, the words didn't change.

I couldn't hear them of course, but I knew that inside the house everyone was talking. Even the Volturi were in there, and the pack. I couldn't imagine the tension in the room, and I didn't want to. I'd had enough of it. I'd had enough of everything.

Alice had walked out of the room as soon as I'd finished reading the page, to sit in her quiet place and just think. She was stressed, even if her flawless appearance couldn't show it. She had been keeping an eye out on the Volturi, and she regularly monitored Chris. She hadn't seen anything. She _still_ couldn't see anything that would lead to...

My hands shook as I once again unfolded the paper from the square I'd pressed it into. I looked down, and quickly looked away, wondering why I was torturing myself. I knew this wasn't healthy. But I couldn't stay in the room with them all staring at me like they were. I'd needed to get out.

I hadn't been able to go far of course, and I doubted very much that I'd be escaping their gazes now that I was definitely doomed. I could feel Edward slowly circling the edges of my mind, always looking for signs of danger. I knew Seth was patrolling the woods around the house, and he could probably sense how completely terrified I was.

I'd always acted so tough. So brave. So accepting of the future. But it was all a lie. I was just a kid. Just a stupid girl who thought she could handle it all but she couldn't. Now the future - one I hadn't been preparing for - was staring me down the nose.

My eyes slowly moved back down towards the paper, to re-read the words I'd memorized hours ago.

_"Hello?" _

_ "Hi Riddely. Long time no see." _

_ "...Chris..."_

_ "Glad to see you still recognize me." _

_ "Of course I do. How could I not?" _

_ "I didn't think you'd come." _

_ "You don't know me very well." _

_ "He'll be upset with you."_

_ "He'll be safe though. That's all that matters. They'll all be safe." _

_ "You're so noble Riddely. It's an honorable trait but...it's going to get you killed. You know what I always loved about you Riddely?"_

_ "You never loved me. We hated each other Chris. We still hate each other. Now you're just required to..." _

_ "Desire you?"_

_ "Nice word choice."_

_ "Thanks. But back to the point. I've always loved your spunk. You were the only one who ever challenged me. I think that's why the wolf in me chose you for a mate. I mean, there have been others, but you were the first Riddely. You were the one that got away. And I do hate losing." _

_ "Well then what are you waiting for Chris?"_

_ "Just thought I'd give you the opportunity to fight. Scream. Run. Whatever it is girls are supposed to do at this point."_

_ "Chris...you can fight this. You can _beat_ this."_

_ "I don't want to. This is the strongest I've ever been. This is what it's like the be at the top. This is how you really live. You should've let me save you Riddely. We would've been unstoppable, you know."_

_ "Sorry."_

_ "It's fine."_

_ "I'm ready."_

_ "You're sure?"_

_ "Yeah Chris. Just kill me already." _

I raised a fist to my mouth and bit down on my knuckles, trying to muffle the sobs I knew were trying to escape. I folded the paper carefully again, creasing the edges as hard as I could. I laid down on my side and curled into myself, remembering just the night before, when I'd laid like this on the beach. There was a rustling in the bushes ahead of me and a large wolf nose poked through.

"Hi Seth. I'm fine." I said, struggling to control my breathing. He sniffed loudly and disappeared again. That's what I'd always loved about Seth. He didn't push you to talk or do what he wanted. He just let you be and loved you no matter what.

I loved all of them. Every single one. Except for Jane. Demitri still creeped me out. Felix had a sort of...deadly, sarcastic humor. I'd miss that. And Alec...

I struggled to pull air into my lungs.

There was so much I'd never get to learn about him. There was so much swirling around inside my heart that I'd never get to explore. It wasn't love. I wasn't sure what it was but it wasn't love yet. It was...attraction. There had always been something so dangerously magnetic about him. It drew me in. I'd fought it for so many long months. _Why did I fight it? _I thought. I couldn't come up with an answer.

I couldn't even bare to think of my family. It hurt too damn bad. It wasn't fair. They had all worked so hard to protect me. To help me do what was right and it was all for nothing. It was all a wasted effort because I was going to do something stupid and sacrifice myself. Why? Why was I going to? I couldn't think of any possible explanation. I couldn't imagine myself just...giving up. But it was like Alec said. The concrete had formed. There was no changing things now. I knew that was what they were arguing about inside. They were trying to figure out what to do but they would just talk in circles.

We were all lost. Werewolves were a threat we hadn't faced.

Suddenly there was another person sitting beside me. I didn't have to look to see who it was. It disturbed me to find that I recognized that smell. Like rosemary and firewood. And something distinctly dark...like moonlight through leaves.

"I'm surprised they're letting you talk to me. After all the drama at the beach." I muttered, sitting up and crossing my legs. I was done crying. There was no point in it anyways.

"I think they're trying to be careful with you. Give you what you want. Things like that."

"So now you're what I want?" I asked, before realizing how terribly...uncomfortable I was with the question. How would he know the answer? _I_ didn't even know the answer. I hadn't even really realized what I'd asked until it was out of my mouth. It was one of those extremely awkward moments when you realize the filter between your brain and your mouth has completely abandoned you. I somehow always found myself tripping over words and feet when I was around Alec. It was completely humiliating.

There was a prolonged silence. I wasn't sure if he was doing it just to make me queasy or if he was as stunned as I was. I didn't risk looking at him. I kept my eyes to the ground, watching an ant crawl over a small lump of dirt rising from the forest floor.

"I don't think that's a question for me to answer." He finally responded, his voice quiet. We both knew that Edward was listening to the entire conversation. But I didn't care about that anymore. It was my life. I didn't have much of it left either. What was the point in being afraid or ashamed or any of it? For all I knew I'd be coming face to face with Chris within the hour.

"I don't think I know the answer yet either." I sighed, my gut twisting. "You don't hate me anymore." I said.

"No." He agreed.

"Your sister still does."

"Yes."

"What does she think of your...change of heart?" I asked. I wasn't sure if this was a dream or reality. Was I really daring to ask Alec these questions so openly?

"She shares similar feelings with your...family." There was still an edge to his voice. There would always be bad blood between them though. It would never go away. If anything, they'd simply have to learn to ignore it, or accept it, and move forward. Everyone was just so...stuck.

"I've been thinking, about dying. And I was wondering if you thought there was a Heaven or Hell?" I laid back on the ground, my arms folded behind my head. I was on the edge of the woods, the sky stretching out above me, bordered along the bottom by the beginning of treetops. Their branches stretched, trying to consume the sky. They would not succeed. The sky was too big and too complex for them to understand, let alone conquer.

"I used to. Then I didn't. Then I just didn't think of it at all. Now...I don't know." My heart swelled. He'd never been this open with me. Ever. I wasn't sure he'd ever been this open with anyone. Was this really Alec? Was it really him letting down his walls?

I looked over at him, and he stared back at me. We didn't say anything. We didn't need or want to. I just stared and watched as a thousand, million, emotions churned in those irises that had regained their golden brown hue. I couldn't name half of the emotions I saw there, but I understood them. I _felt_ them. And my mind reeled when I realized that he was letting me see him. The real him. Not Alec of the Volturi. Just Alec.

Just the other night he'd managed to let a small amount of information slip through the fortress he'd built around himself but this...it was unexpected. Unexplainable. Partially unrealistic but it was happening. I wanted to dance while at the same time I never again wanted to move from the spot. I wondered if this was a once in a life-time opportunity, or if he was planning on letting me in all the time. I couldn't imagine him doing that though.

_Maybe it's just pity._ I thought. _Maybe he just feels bad about the fact that you're going to die, so he'd letting you see him. Just this once. _

"Are you only doing this because I'm going to die?" I asked bluntly. But why not be blunt? I didn't have time for dancing around questions anymore.

"No." He said.

"Are you lying?"

"No." His voice was so sincere, and his mind so open to me that I didn't doubt it. I trusted him so inexplicably that it scared me. I suddenly realized why Alec was so closed. So introverted. It was frightening to be otherwise. I felt self-conscious and nervous and I couldn't stop wondering about what he was seeing in my own eyes. If he would like it. If he would hate it. If he'd be indifferent or disgusted. It was exhilirating and terrifying at the same time. It was falling and flying. Melting and freezing over with a fear you can't explain but just accept. I couldn't remember ever feeling so completely human. So alive.

I'd never been so connected with anyone either. I began to wonder if I was simply imagining everything I saw in those two tiny irises. How could such emotion be felt through them? I couldn't believe it. It was unnatural. Supernatural. Paranormal. But then those words described my entire life didn't they? I knew I probably shouldn't have been able to feel and know the things that I did, but that didn't change anything.

I didn't say anything else, scared to push him too far. This stare was open and yet so fragile. So breakable. I could ruin everything with one wrong word. He would close up again, I just knew it. Because being like this, so human and so honest, this was what scared Alec. He didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't know what to say. He was so...naive and yet that word was not one I would ever use to describe him. He'd just...forgotten what it was like to have someone else know what you felt. It was as foreign to him as this openess was for me.

I closed my eyes. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done but I was having trouble breathing. I could feel him in my head and my skin and everywhere. He consumed everything and I couldn't handle it. It was so much so quickly. But I wouldn't have changed it. It was nice to be overwhelmed. I opened my eyes to find his still transfixed on my face. His eyes still open doors into a soul as troubled as Jaspers. Maybe even more so. He was so broken. I wanted to just...fix him. Make him better.

I sat up. His smell over-powered my nostrils. My head bgean to spin and swim and skydive but I didn't look away. I didn't move. He was so close. If I wanted to I could reach out and touch that strand of hair that was falling into his eyes. I could delicately stroke the palm of the hand he'd offered me the night before. I could feel just how cold his skin was. How flawless. How..."Beautiful." I whispered, and I knew by the comfortable heat over my face that I should've been embarassed. A part of me was. But the larger part of me told me I had to stop hiding. I had to stop being afraid because I'd only regret it. And I was living without regrets wasn't I?

"What?" He asked, I barely registered his lips moving. I was so focused on his eyes, flickering so quickly over my face I could barely see them moving.

"You're...beautiful. Not in a bad way. You just...don't look as rough as the others. You look almost...human sometimes." I said. before remembering that that was definitely not something you're supposed to say out loud, no matter how outgoing or honest you are. I wanted to look down, hide the shameful red coloring in my cheeks but I just...couldn't.

"Someone's coming." He said, but I knew he wasn't changing the subjct or trying to avoid what I'd said. He was just warning us both that we'd have to end this in a moment. We'd have to break gazes until we were alone again because if anyone else saw us like this...they'd be worried. Offended even. Angry. Scared. They wouldn't understand. _I_ didn't even understand what had just happened. What I'd just said or what he had. Everything swirled together in my mind in one giant, fuzzy, warm memory. Blurry but cherished all the same.

I couldn't remember ever having hidden any feeling. Having denied anything. Well, maybe a tiny bit but nothing that would've made me say the things I did. It was like whatever vague, unidentified attraction I'd had towards him had simply exploded into so much more the moment he'd let me in. And even when he shut me out again I knew it'd still be there, simmering and boiling and growing. My chest felt warm and freezing at the same time.

"Shifter." He said, blinking. I couldn't quite remember if he'd blinked at all during our staring contest.

"Embry." I breathed, tensing. For a moment, it almost looked like Alec wanted to reach out and touch me. Not in a rough way or maybe not even in a romantic way. Just a casual, comforting way. Like a friend. Just to show that he was there. But he wasn't quite ready for that yet. For the almost subconscious contact with another. His hand clenched into a fist at his side and he looked away, his guards already snapping into place. His eyes already hardening over.

I didn't mind. I knew it wasn't what he really wanted to do.

I looked towards the house, and saw the spot of tanned skin beginning to grow larger as Embry approached. He was stiff. He wasn't shaking though.

"I never meant to hurt anyone, you know." I whispered, looking back at Alec. He rose, standing to his full height. It wasn't very tall to most, but even when I was standing he managed to tower at least two inches above me.

"I believe you." He said. And he smiled. I'd only seen him really smile once before, and it had been quick. This time though, he didn't immediately pull his mask back on. It lasted long enough for me to blink. Maybe two seconds. Maybe less. It didn't matter. He let me see it, his teeth so perfectly white and straight. I'd never seen a weapon look so perfect. I didn't catch my breath in time to smile back. My heart pounded in my chest, causing a dull ache to spread. But nothing had ever hurt so good.

"Riddley." Embry's voice carried on the wind to us, I didn't look away from Alec for a second, even as he began to disappear into the trees, probably just to give me some idea of privacy. I knew him well enough to know he wouldn't be out of hearing distance. He was too nosy. He didn't have to manners to actually leave.

As the black of Alec's jacket finally was swallowed by greenery I looked over my shoulder, watching Embry close the few feet left between us and stop right above me. He towered even taller than Alec, and I tilted my head back, struggling to see him.

"You shouldn't be out here by yourself you know." He muttered, sliding to the ground beside me. Even then we weren't eye level. He was so tall. So tall it was dizzying. A memory flooded back to me.

We'd been on a beach. We were young. Well, I was young. Embry was the same as he was now. He'd been the same for as long as I could remember. We'd been walking along and I'd shrieked as the waves washed up against the rocks and splashed on my legs. Embry had picked me up and placed me on his shoulders, out of the way of the water. I had never been so high before, and I looked at the world like it was a new a place. I saw it from a different height and everything was brighter and more colorful but smaller at the same time. I'd thought it would be wonderful to see things that way all the time.

"Remember when I was younger, and you put me on your shoulders while we were on the beach?" I asked, smiling to myself, my eyes having moved back to the place where Alec had disappeared.

"Which time?" He asked and I thought, for a second, he'd even chuckled, but it was over so quickly I couldn't be sure.

"Good question." I whispered, setting my chin on my knees and sighing. "It's so beautiful out here. I've never really stopped to look. It's all so green and...alive."

"Well, from now on you can make sure to notice it." He said.

"I wonder how much longer I have."

"You're not going to die." He snapped, reaching over and grabbing my arm. He jerked it so I turned to face him. His face was so sad, and so adamant at the same time.

"Please don't do that. I'm trying to accept things. You're not making it easier. I'm tired of everyone lying to me all the time." I said, slowly pulling my arm away and turning once again to stare at the forest. My stomach ached like I'd been punched. I was starting to miss Alec's bluntness already. It was so uncomplicated around him. Yet it was so immensely complex at the same time.

"You can't just give up."

"I can't change anything." I said, shrugging. "Alec said my power is different than Alice's because my dialogues always happen. The future is like concrete. Alice see's things when its been freshly poured. I write them once they've hardened. It's perfectly infuriating." I laughed, closing my eyes. I was still buzzing. Everything around me still glowed. Could Alec's powers make you sense things differently? Could he make you see the world differently, the same way he could blind you?

"Who says the leech knows anything?" Embry growled, and I heard him stand, pacing in front of me.

"Name-calling isn't nice."

"It's what he is!" Embry shouted. "Or have you completely forgotten how he used to live? How he's going to live as soon as your turned? He feeds off humans Riddley. As in, kills innocent people! Can you forgive that?"

"I'm not forgiving anything." I sighed again, opening my eyes. Embry was the picture of power. He stood, chest heaving with the anger I knew was inside him, hands clenched so that the muscles and the tendons stood out on his arms. His jaw clenched. He looked more like Paul than I'd ever seen. "I just...people change. It's part of life."

"He had hundreds of years to do it. Why now?" He asked, before he stopped moving and stared at me. And it wasn't one of those meaningless, empty stares. The stare burned me because it was deep-fried in complete and utter understanding. It was like he'd been trying to figure something out in his head and he'd finally - finally! - managed to work out the puzzle. I don't think he liked what the image turned out to be though.

"He's not the only one who's changed Embry." I said, looking away and trying to ignore the way his eyes made me squirm. I wasn't afraid of him. I wasn't even angry with him. I was just...guilty. I felt like I'd lead him on and then dropped him without warning. I guess, in a sense, it was true. But there had been warning. There had been the talk after I'd gotten back to Forks. There'd been the months I'd completely avoided LaPush. But still, finding out that Alec was no longer the object of my hatred was probably a shock. A shock that I wished I could have prepared him for, but have no idea how I would've._ I _was still in shock. I was still trying to come down off my high from our encounter only minutes before. But Embry couldn't understand how things had changed. He couldn't know about the talk in Tuck's kitchen or the long weeks spent just wondering and waiting for _something_. Even if neither of us was sure what we were waiting for - if we _still_ weren't sure - Embry wouldn't understand the tension that had built and had yet to truly climax. He hadn't seen - as Edward had - the prolonged looks across the lunch table or the strange thoughts that came out of nowhere.

"It's you." Embry said, nodding to himself.

"I just...things changed. Life changed. Alec isn't...Alec isn't perfect. I know that. In fact he's probably one of the most messed up, twisted people I've ever met. He's selfish and rude. He's...corrupted and diseased with this awful _hatred_ for things. He has a _lot_ of problems. He's been evil for a very long time and there's _always_ going to be a darkness in him. I can't change that. But I don't...I don't know if I want to. Not completely anyways. Of course I want him to be better but there's just..." I trailed off, trying to regather my thoughts. "I know you don't understand. I don't understand it either but I need to figure things out for myself. I know you don't like him. Actually, you hate each other. I don't expect anything different from you. Just don't hate _me_. I can't...control this. All I know is that he's...hurting and I just want to _help_ him. I can't even explain it right. Listen to me, I sound like some idiot teenager." I laughed, shaking my head. "Hell, I _am_ an idiot teenager. But I can't change how I feel, even if those feelings don't have a name. Do you understand at all? Am I making any sense?" I asked, looking up at him. His eyes were closed, his face relaxed in an almost peaceful way. Like he was sleeping.

"No." He said, and sat down beside me in his previous position. "But I don't need to understand it." He said, opening his eyes to look at me. "I watched you grow up. I watched you love with me and I guess I loved you too." He laughed, and it was a good sound. My heart squeezed in my chest. We'd never said that out loud to each other. We'd never ever dared to admit it. "But...it wasn't _real_ love. It wasn't the love you wait years for or sacrifice for. It was just...normal love. Ugh. I don't think I'm making any sense either." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I understand." I said. "I'll always love you Embry, just not in the right way. Not in the way that makes me want to wait for you forever. That's be stupid." I laughed, shaking my head at the very idea of waiting forever for anyone. "I just...I miss you. I miss your jokes and your hugs and you were my friend long before I ever liked you. I fell in love with the idea of you but...honestly you're not my type." I blushed, looking down. He let out one of those barking laughs that made me jump only because he sounded so much like a wolf when he did it. My shoudlers quickly relaxed as he threw an arm around them.

"You're not my type either Riddley. You're actually pretty whiny and self-centered when you want to be."

I laughed.

"And you get jealous and protective too quickly. Not to mention the fact that you have absolutely no manners."

"I used to. I guess Paul is starting to rub off on me."

"Great." I smirked, shaking my head and groaning. "I'm tired of all this talking. I'm tired of being so confused and scared. I just want this to be over already." I said, only half-way meaning it. The image of Alec's eyes, burned into my brain and the feel of Embry's warm arm over my shoulder pushed the future far away. The threat seemed distant even though I could feel it in my heart. It was close. It was coming.

"We're going to figure this out Riddley. I promise."

"Okay." I said, but I think he was just as doubtful as I was. He was just better at hiding it.

"They're waiting for you inside. We have a lot to talk about. If you don't want to I can tell them-"

"It's fine." I said, standing. "I'm ready."


	14. Chapter 14

I'd lied when I'd said I was ready to face them all. I hadn't been. The moment I stepped into the kitchen I knew it. I could practically feel the air, resting on my shoulders. It pushed me down and I wanted to crack onto the floor under the weight. They all looked so _sad_. Except Jane and Demitri. But Felix almost looked…regretful. I guess my insolence had actually managed to amuse him.

There was something distinctly angry smelling in the air. Like harsh words and spit and growls. It smelled like sweat and heat. Dominating the kitchen table was the wolf pack. And for the first time, the large tray of food set in front of them was untouched. Paul was shaking. But then, wasn't Paul always shaking?

"What's going on?" I asked, slipping my hands into my back pockets. Embry slipped around me and sat in the chair at the end of the table, right next to my left hip. I wasn't surprised when no one said anything. They didn't even blink. They just stared at the table or the wall or the floor.

I could hear the second hand of a clock ticking somewhere within the house and I wondered how, with their sensitive vampire hearing, the Cullen's could stand to live with the constant noise. It was _already_ beginning to chew at my nerves.

"Well then, if we're not talking about anything important I guess I'll just go see if I can find Chris wandering-"

Jasper hissed, the sound echoing and punching at the walls. Suddenly everything felt rawer. More angry. I just wanted to start yelling at everyone to get a grip and just accept things already because _God_ they were getting on my _fucking_ nerves and-

"Jasper," Carlisle warned, "Control yourself."

The anger evaporated, as quickly as it had come upon me and I was left feeling drained. Not sad. Not upset. Just tired. Like I needed to lie down and have a nice long nap. I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept more than two hours. All the stress was messing with my head.

"This isn't a laughing matter, Riddley." Carlisle chastened me. I looked down at my feet. It had been so long since he had scolded me that I'd forgotten how shameful it made me feel. It was one thing for Edward to be upset with me, because Edward was _usually_ moody about something, but Carlisle hardly ever reprimanded me. It made me feel so small and childish. Like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"I just want to know what you were discussing." I said, swallowing thickly and looking up at them again. None of them would meet my eyes still. And where was Alec? I'd thought he would be following me in after-

The front door opened and I tensed. Every single nerve in my body was aware of him. Of his presence. Of the air that he moved out of his way as he walked across the room to stand at his sisters side. The air was sparking and I could just see in the way that Edward stiffened that he knew everything. Of course he did. He had been paying attention the entire time I'd been outside but it was still…unnerving. That moment had been so private. So sacred. It was like watching a mother mourn for her dead child. Or maybe watching two lovers reunite. It was so raw that no one else should have had the right or wants to see it.

"Well, now that we're all here, I'll fill you in." Carlisle said, and even I didn't miss the way his eyes kept flickering between Alec and I. God was it that obvious? It wasn't fair. _Stop thinking that._ I chastened myself. _Of course it isn't fair. Get over it already._

"I already know what you were talking about." I sighed, moving farther into the kitchen. I felt hollow and so my automatic instinct was to move towards the fridge. I let the stainless steel door swing open and reveal shelves of the most delicious foods. Courtesy of Esme.

But as I looked at it, I wasn't hungry anymore. I wasn't hungry at all even though my stomach muscles were contracting and aching and screaming at me to just eat something because it wasn't normal to feel so empty.

But this wasn't a hole for food to fill. This wasn't a hole to be filed at all. It was a hole to carry. To be burdened with. To just learn to live with because it wasn't going away.

"There's no getting out of this." I said, shaking my head and pushing to doors closed. I didn't turn to face them though. This was easier to say without having to watch my words slam into their faces and break them all. Crash crash crash into tiny pieces with sharp edges that made you bleed when you tried to put them back together. I couldn't watch as I let them all crumble into the floor because if I was giving up what could _they_ do about it?

"Riddley-" That was Bella. Sweet, almost too sweet Bella who didn't ever want anyone she loved to get hurt. Who loved too much to really see the world the way it was.

"No." I cut her off, shaking my head and running a hand over the cool metal of the door in front of me. "I don't know why, but I'm going to go to them. I don't want to. I wish I wasn't but I don't know what Chris will hold over me. If it's something big of course I'll go. But I've never been able to change things before. I just...it happens. It's like I can't even stop myself. So…there's nothing left to do. We let Alice keep watching everything. And we wait. Just…wait." I said, shrugging and finally turning to look at them. Their eyes were down, except for Edward, Jasper and Alec. They all stared at me.

Edward just looked, angry. Angry because he knew, deep down, that I was right. And he knew I believed every word I'd just said and he couldn't force me to change my mind.

Jasper was broken. Cracks webbing their way across his face down his neck and his eyes were pinned so wide they would have scared anyone else. And I could feel the barely restrained pain seeping out through the cracks in his armor and spilling all over the floor. _I broke you._ I thought. _And I'm sorry._

Alec was the last I looked to. Because I already knew what I'd see there. Or, at least, I thought I would.

On the very surface was the acceptance. The knowing that I was right. Because he'd been the one to open my eyes to it after all. So he wouldn't argue the point with me. But deeper, in a place I knew only I could access was the defiance. The rebellious, angry, murderous rage that just said _No._ Because the truth was so wrong. It was so twisted that he just couldn't let it be.

"I think I should call Tuck and Charlie." I whispered suddenly, dropping my eyes to the ground. "I sort of ditched them at the party last night and they're probably worried about me." I explained, moving towards the phone and picking it up. The dial tone assaulted my ear and for a moment I let the monotonous of it take me out of the room. Let myself forget everything and feel nothing, for just one blessed moment.

"Could you all leave, please?" I asked, even though deep down I wanted Alec and Jasper to stay. I wanted them to forget they hated each other for just a moment so that they could be in the same room with just me without glaring. So that they could just hold me and tell me that it was okay that I broke them. That they understood. That it was okay that I was selfish and had wanted to keep them even when I was going to hurt them when I went to Chris. For whatever reason.

I didn't even hear them all moving. Only when I turned to ask them again, more forcefully, to get out did I realize that the kitchen was empty. The only clue that anyone else had been there at all was the plate of food on the table and the pulled out chairs. Everything looked like it would echo and shatter. Like thin glass.

My breath fell out of my mouth like a tire loosing air as I turned back to the phone, my finger delicately tapping the numbers and holding the cold plastic to my ear. After a few seconds the droning, single-minded tone that signified the ringing of the phone on the other end hit my ears. And too soon the phone was picked up and my breath caught in my throat on its decent into my lungs.

"Hello?" Charlie's voice spoke into my ear, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Blinking away tears before they formed. No more crying. What's the use of it?

"Charlie!" I greeted, coughing when I realized how strangled I sounded.

"Riddley! Hey, you disappeared last night! We were going to call your house to make sure you were okay but it was so late and we didn't know if you'd get in trouble for being out with us. You _are_ okay right? I told Tuck we should have called anyways, just to make sure."

"I'm fine Charlie." I laughed, and I smiled. I knew it was genuine because there was no one in the room for me to pretend for. It was so good to talk to someone normal and human and _not_ stressing about my impending doom. "I just wanted to let you know that Alec showed up to take me home last night. I actually was in trouble but, ya' know, Edward told on me."

"Oh…that sucks. Um, so, I mean how are you?" Charlie asked. He wasn't a phone person. He didn't understand how you cold have a legitimate conversation without being face-to-face. In a way it was old-fashioned of him to think that way. But Charlie was so unique in his own very shy manner. I loved him to death for it.

"I'm good, I'm good. I just, uh, wanted to call you so you didn't worry or anything. I'll see you at school though, okay?"

"Yeah sure." He said, and I didn't miss how he sounded relieved. "See you at school Riddely." He said, and hung up before I could respond. My whole body sagged under the weight that fell back onto my shoulders. I could have called Tuck. But I didn't have it in me. Everything in me was screaming to tell them what was going on because they were my best friends and they would know what to do.

But they wouldn't. My instincts were wrong this time. They were human instincts and so they were flawed. Dulled by the emotions that were making everything so much harder.

"You love him." I heard from behind me, and I jumped. Spinning around, phone still in hand, my eyes landed on Alec, leaning casually against the island in the kitchen. And suddenly my heart was in my throat and the room wasn't made of glass but wood and soaked in gasoline and I could feel the phantom flames that hadn't been lit licking my skin.

"What?" I asked, thoughts scurrying to catch up to me. My hand rose of its own violation to clumsily slide the phone back into its place on the wall: the singular metallic click broke the entirely too human and too high-strung atmosphere.

"You love him. Charlie, I mean. And Tuck too." His voice was still casual. One might call it condescending. But I knew better. This was concerned Alec. Alec with a heart well hidden because really, he was just trying to comfort me in his own distant, philophobic way.

"Yes." I said. We both stayed where we were. We didn't dare move any closer because we both knew we wouldn't be able to handle it. The images of just a while ago outside the house were too fresh. It was too addicting to stray so close to his magnetic field.

"Why?" He asked, and he was genuinely curious. He wasn't being rude; he just honestly didn't understand the draw of their company. It was adorable in a lost puppy way. Or maybe a senile senior citizen way. It was hard to choose.

"They make me laugh. They make me feel…"

"Normal." He finished, dropping his eyes from my face where they'd been burning my cheeks like fire.

"Normal." I agreed, barely breathing the word. I leaned back against the kitchen wall, my arms placed behind me, as if hoping that even the small increase in distance might make it less tempting to rush over to him. I wouldn't dare touch him. No, but the instinct to move as close as I dared was almost toxic in the air.

"You want to be that way?" He asked, and my attention snapped back into the room.

"What?" I asked, my head tilting to the side.

"You want to be normal?" He asked, and my heart stuttered. Did I?

If anyone had asked me a few weeks ago the affirmative would've flown from my mouth almost too quickly to be believed. Who wouldn't want to be normal, after all? Sure, normal people strive to me different but when you're outside—isolated and alienated—all you want is to just blend in. Be normal and experience nothing close to spectacular for your entire life. Orthodoxy is alluring when you are the opposite.

But now…it felt different. It was still a dream but not the one I was currently dreaming. It was on a back burner to something bigger and better but I just couldn't figure out what. Instead of striving to break past that glass separating me from Tuck and Charlie I found myself pushing away. Some part of my heart was screaming out at me to stop, and rush back to the glass where it was safe and lonely and comfortable. But another part was cheering. I was moving on to something. Something so entirely immense that I couldn't see it fully.

"Yes…" I lied, before closing my eyes and sighing. "Well…no. Sometimes." I finally settled, opening my eyes to find that Alec had moved closer. Most people wouldn't have noticed it; it was so slight a change in distance. But I noticed. I _felt_ it in the way the air was heavier and sweeter and darker.

"You won't be normal. Ever." He said, and all I could do was nod because thank _God_ someone had finally said it. Someone had decided they were tired of my pity-party and slapped me in the face with the truth I've been waiting for everyone to admit all along.

"I know." My spit felt thick and I could only swallow with an effort and my legs suddenly felt like lead. Or titanium. Or whatever metal is heaviest. They slid away from the wall and my bottom soon connected with the floor, and I was suddenly reminded of the day in Tuck's kitchen, when we'd first talked. _Really_ talked. Something more than just exchanging curt nods, threats and glares. "You're not normal either." I reminded him, not even allowing myself to look up and meet his gaze. All courage I'd felt outside had fled.

"I know." He mimicked my words, I watched as his feet edged towards me across the floor until he stood only two feet away from me. Everything was fuzzy around the edges, and so dream-like I felt pathetic. I'd always been so damn proud of my immunity to vampire charm. And here I was, practically swooning.

"I'm just so _tired_, Alec." I muttered, my head _thunk_ing back against the wall and rolling to the side in my exhaustion. I tried not to remember the way his name tasted in my mouth or how it made my blood race. I was so completely, utterly and awfully whipped. I was ashamed of myself.

"Tired of what?" He asked, and he sounded different. Tenser. More stressed.

"Everything." I whispered without thinking. It was the truth at least. I was tired of everything. But I didn't realize how broken it made me sound. How weak. Those were the words of someone who had given up. Rolled over.

He didn't say anything for a long time. I closed my eyes; enjoying the hum the air was infected with whenever he was around. It was soothing and exciting at the same time. I wanted to sleep. Sleep and sleep and just sleep until all this madness had passed over Forks.

"Edward's coming." Alec finally spoke again, and he didn't move from his position.

"I was wondering where everyone was. And why they weren't rushing to my rescue at the first clue that you were alone with me."

"Carlisle." Alec explained, and although he didn't portray any sign of gratitude, his completely level and unemotional voice tipped me off. He _was_ grateful. He'd just never, _ever_ admit it.

"They've all been outside listening anyways though." I sighed.

"Yes."

Sometimes it disturbed me to know they watched me the way they did.

"Riddely." Edward's voice rang through the kitchen as he was suddenly _there_. He stood in the doorway in front of me, his face masked, as it always was around the Volturi.

"Hey Edward." I greeted, not moving to get up. My limbs were too heavy. "What's going on?" I asked, struggling against the extreme pressure in my jaw that was begging me to release a yawn.

"Jasper wants to talk to you." He said, his eyes never leaving Alec.

"Well then why didn't Jasper come in here and talk to me?" I asked, my forehead crinkling with the stress of trying to think too hard. I had more than enough problems. I didn't need to try and figure out other people as well.

"He's not exactly…fit to be in the company of Alec at the moment." He quipped, his eyes narrowing as the staring match continued. I just sat there, because I just couldn't move. Even the thought of getting up made me want to puke up my innards and then go to sleep.

"Riddley." Edward snapped, and I managed to pry my eyes open long enough to see him giving me a very readable look that said, 'time to go. Now. Get. Up.'

"Listen, as completely unstressful as this day has been I, surprisingly, just don't have the energy at the moment to move. So either you carry me to Jasper or Jasper comes in here." I said, and even as I said it my heart ached at the very thought of being away from Alec.

But…Jasper was my brother. Jasper deserved to talk to me without being uncomfortable. _Family comes first._ I had very, _very_ forcefully remind myself. I sighed again, one of those long-suffering ones that are way too over-dramatic no matter the situation.

"Alec…can you please give me some time with Jasper?" I asked, trying to phrase it as politely as possible. "I just…I need some time to talk to him. Alone." I stressed the last word, knowing that he would have just left the house and stuck close enough to hear our conversation. He fit right in with the Cullen's, in a way. What, with all of his creeping. Edward hissed at my thoughts and I couldn't resist the small smile that tugged up the corners of my lips. I'd never get tired of pushing his buttons.

"I'll be in the woods, if you need me." He spoke to Edward. But we all knew he was really talking to me. And then he was gone, and Edward was just standing there, staring at the space where he'd been. The silence stretched on.

I closed my eyes again, enjoying the feel of the rare sunlight through the window that was warming the ground where I sat.

"He's dangerous you know." Edward said. And for once he didn't sound angry. He didn't patronize me. He was just worried for me, in the big brother way that they all did.

"You're dangerous too." I whispered, opening my eyes. He stared back at me, gauging my emotions and thoughts and memories. And this time I wasn't upset with him for doing it. I understood his need to know for sure that I knew what I was doing.

I didn't of course. I had no idea what I was aiming for. What the end goal was. All I knew was that my life was dangerous. I lived with vampires for Christ's sake and my first crush was on a shape-shifter.

If Alec was dangerous, well, then, he fit right in, didn't he?

"I'll get Jasper." Edward said, and disappeared. I sighed, willing my eyes to stay completely dry. I would not cry in front of Jasper.


	15. Chapter 15

"You used to do that when you were younger." Jasper's voice came from the doorway beside me, and for once I didn't jump. Calm immediately rushed through the room. I didn't need it though. The place halfway between sleep and consciousness is always serene. Always relaxing.

"I don't remember." I muttered, my head rolling so I could see him. He was staring at my hands, lying on the ground beside me, as he moved into the room and sat on the ground.

"It was when you were still getting used to things here. When you were still angry with everyone. You'd find a place on the floor where the light reached—when the Sun was out of course—and you'd just lie there for hours."

I laughed lightly, smiling at the mental image of a little me lying on the ground, curled in a little ball like the mental patient I'd probably been.

"I was a troubled child." I said, shrugging. I watched his face as his lips pulled ever so slightly up into a smile.

"You're still a troubled child." He corrected me, reaching down to take one of my hands. His were cold, as always. But I didn't mind.

"I miss you Jasper." I whispered, my voice catching in my throat before I cleared it.

Have you ever seen those movies, where the main girl is so brave it's almost unrealistic? Some giant villain punches her in the face and she doesn't even flinch. Her boyfriend gets shot right in front of her and she only sheds a single, silent tear before pulling herself together. She isn't weak at all. She's so strong and powerful that it almost isn't human.

I wanted to be that girl. So badly. I wanted to be able to block everything out. Force myself to get over it and for it to be easy to not feel anything. I'd prayed so many times for God to make me stone. No, iron. But I was still soft. Fragile. Easy to break and putting me back together was a hazardous task. I tried. I just wasn't that person. I was emotional. It was one of the things that I imagined drew Jasper to me. Everything I felt I _really_ felt. Like every emotion was filtered through a bullhorn. Sometimes it made life unbearable.

"I miss you too Riddley." He said, and I squeezed his hand as tightly as I could, knowing that if he had been human he would've winced and requested I loosen my grip. I doubted Jasper could even notice the difference.

That was why I'd always gotten on so well with the supernatural. I was too human for the humans to handle. But the super-humans? They could deal with it.

"I don't want to do it." I told him, moving my head to look at him. My hair swept across the floor, tangling underneath my head at my movement. "I don't want to die. Not really. I just…there's nothing to do. There's nothing I _can_ do."

"You can fight." He said, and his voice was so calm. The calm Jasper voice that I depended on.

"I'm tired of fighting."

"Well that's just too bad isn't it?" He asked, and my eyes snapped to his face, narrowing in confusion. "I know this isn't easy for you. But there's nothing you can do about it. You just said so yourself. So you have to deal with it. Keep fighting because that's just what you do."

"But I _don't_." I sighed, sitting up and crossing my legs under me. "I'm not a fighter Jasper. You know me. You _know_. I cry when I scrape my knee. I'm just…I'm not cut out for being human. It's like whoever made me did it wrong. If my metaphorical skin is so thin they should have at least made my _actual_ skin a little thicker." I complained, my hand flapping in the air as I spoke.

"Well they didn't." He shrugged. My eyes fell upon him again and I couldn't resist cracking a small smile. He was calm. That was good. I had felt his anger in the room before…it was terrifying.

"You're lucky Jasper." I sighed once again, shaking my head at him.

His head tilted to the side in the inquisitive manner that made him look like an owl.

"Alice loves you. So, _so_ much. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous of her. But I mean…you have everything. Eternal life. Someone to spend it with. Super-speed-"

"An unquenchable thirst for blood." He added in, giving me his 'you should know better' look.

"Of course there are cons. There are always cons. But…you'll never have to look at Alice and know that things can't work because of something as silly as time or…species." I murmured, dropping my head and breathing deeply.

"Riddley-"

"I don't dream about castles." I interrupted him. "I don't dream about…knights in shining amour or…freaking, houses made of candy. I don't fucking want a palace or a throne or even a god damned noble steed. I just…want to be happy. I just want to have someone to go home to at night and curl up with. Be comfortable with. I just want something, one _fucking_ little thing that isn't complicated or hard." I ranted; telling myself that there were most definitely _not_ tears in my eyes. And I definitely had only blinked very quickly because there was something in my eye.

"Riddley." Jasper stopped me, moving his hands to my shoulders. He just looked at me for a moment. He studied my face like he'd never seen me before. Or maybe had never noticed something before. "When did you grow up?" He asked, half-jokingly and half-grievously. And there was something in his voice that sounded dangerously close to loss.

"Not sure. But I'm fairly certain it happened too late and too quickly." I tried to joke back, but it fell very, _very_ short of its mark. I guess it just wasn't a very good time to be joking around.

"I look at you and…I still see that crying six-year-old girl that Nessie and Jake brought home. I still see your little face staring at me from across the room. But you're just…you're…a _woman_ now and…"

"Oh Jasper," I shook my head, exasperated. "Woman is such an _awful_ word."

"I'm trying to have a moment here." He chastened me.

"Sorry."

"Being grown-up isn't easy." He suddenly began on another train of thought. "What Alice and I have…it's easy now. Wonderful and I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. I wouldn't want to. But it doesn't just happen Riddley." He shook his head. "It takes a lot of time and…patience. And there are plenty of fights and angry periods and times when you just want to give up because it's almost lethal to love a person so much." He trailed off, and I could feel it. He was letting me feel that wonderfully frustrating annoyance. That brilliantly intoxicating irritation that came with being comfortable.

"You make it sound like something to be avoided." I smiled, and my thoughts unwillingly bounced to Alec.

"In some ways Riddley, you're like…" He paused to shake his head and laugh at himself. "You're like a daughter I never considered having. And for that reason a part of me wants to tell you to avoid love because it hurts. But…I can't."

"Because I'm all grown up now, no matter how suddenly it happened?"

"Yes. And because I don't think me telling you not to could keep it form happening. Unless of course, it's already happened." He said, and it was a question. And I wasn't exactly certain what he was asking or how to answer it or if my brain was going to explode at any moment.

"I don't know. No. It hasn't happened yet." I said, shutting my eyes and squeezing his hands like if I said it out loud it would make it a concrete truth.

"Denying it only confirms it." He whispered. And for the first time in the whole conversation he sounded slightly irritated. Not angry, yet. Just…upset.

"I don't." I said again, opening my eyes and staring into his. I didn't want him to be mad at me. Not now. I hadn't meant to and I wasn't even sure about it and-

"You do. And God knows I wish you didn't but…I'm not…angry." He said, and I had the feeling he was using my tactic of saying it out loud to make it true. "I'm just worried. Riddley, you know what he is. You know _how_ he is. I just…I don't understand how it happened. You're too _good_ Riddley."

"I'm not." I tried to reassure him, and then winced at my own words. "I mean…he's not that bad. Really." I said in earnest, gripping his hands impossibly tighter. "Please don't ask me to explain it. I'm not even sure why or how or if I do love him or if maybe I'm just thinking I do because I'm scared of the future but I don't know how to explain it." I hurriedly spoke, my pitch rising as I began to panic slightly. "I just…" I paused to catch my breath and collect the thoughts that were pinballing around in my brain. They had a nasty habit of doing that, those thoughts.

I looked around the kitchen, searching for something to inspire a metaphor or something that would make this easier to say but there was nothing.

"You know that moment when you're tripping and you see the ground coming towards you and you just know you're going to hit it and you're terrified?" I asked, wondering if he did in fact know. I wasn't sure vampires lost their balance. But he nodded. "But then, something catches you and your heart is pounding and your still scared and your stomach drops but you just feel so relieved that your happy?" I tried to ignore the fact that my run-on sentences were probably very hard to follow.

He was staring at me very hard and it took him several long, awkward moments to answer.

"Yes."

"That's what it's like to be around Alec." I said, hoping he didn't notice the way my face was quickly becoming a very interesting shade of red. "I don't know why people always say 'falling in love'. I mean, I _didn't_ fall in love with him. It's more like…I've been falling my entire life and then he caught me." I stopped. That was the closest I was going to get to explaining it correctly.

"Riddley," Jasper sighed, running a hand over his face and suddenly he looked much older. I didn't suddenly notice any wrinkles or grey hairs—obviously—but I noticed other things. How he was hunching his shoulders and how his eyes weren't exactly sparkling and how there were dark rings under his eyes. He looked as tired as I felt. "I want to say it's just a teenager thing but…it's not, is it?" He asked, and I wasn't sure if there was really a smile tugging at the corners of his lips or if it was only my hopeful imaginings.

"I don't think so. I kind of wish it was. I know no one trusts him, let alone likes him."

"It's not that I don't like him. I don't trust him for sure but…there's something there, inside him that I know. He's dark. Darker than us but not as dark as the others. It's like his entire soul is…"

"Conflicted?" I finished, remembering the warring emotions.

"I don't know anything about Alec, Riddley. I can't hate him. Well, I mean, I do, but I know I shouldn't." He corrected, and this time there was definitely humour in his voice. "I see myself in him. I used to be like him. And…well I guess I hate what I used to be."

"You changed." I reminded him.

"Will he?" Jasper came back at me. "Can he?"

"Maybe not. Maybe I don't want him to." I shrugged, recalling my confession to Embry. "I know I don't want him to be like Edward. That boy is so guilty all the time it makes me depressed." I smiled. The day when I resisted the urge to poke fun at Edward would be the day Hell froze over and Chris became romantic. "I guess it's a good thing I love him how he is, if it turns out he can't change. Or doesn't want to." I prattled on, knowing I was only talking to fill Jaspers contemplative silence.

But then I couldn't think of anything more to say. Or anything more I wanted to say to Jasper. My head was absolutely buzzing with things I wanted to say to Alec. Half of them were so embarrassing I quickly filed them under the 'never think about around Edward' category of my brain. The other half filled me with the kind of excited fear you get when you're about to do something both extremely reckless and extremely exhilarating.

"You're too good for us Riddley." Jasper suddenly chuckled, ruffling my hair in a way that made me feel loved and small and wanted.

"I love you guys." I said, trying to force him to understand. I couldn't leave them. Wouldn't leave them. If I ever was going to go to Chris he was going to have a damn good reason. I didn't doubt his ability to manipulate me. That was just the kind of person he was. But I wanted Jasper to know.

"We love you too. You're as much of a Cullen as you ever can be." And the way he said it was almost a warning. I tensed, and I was suddenly embarrassed because I knew he could sense the guilt rolling off me.

Okay, I had been really, really pissed off that my choice had been taken from me in the first place. I was, truly. But that didn't mean that choosing between a transformation and…well…Chris, I would choose Chris. And I felt Jasper tense beside me. I assumed he could practically _hear_ the wheels in my head turning.

"Don't Riddley."

"Well why not?" I shouted, jumping up and throwing my hands out. "You guys keep going on and on about a way to prevent this. Maybe this is our way to trick the system, you know?"

"It shouldn't be like that." Jasper hissed, also rising from the ground with the kind of grace that really shouldn't be allowed.

"What should it be like then?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "Should I be curled on the ground, an inch from death?" He winced at my words but I knew that he had adopted Carlisle's ideas, if only in some ways. Bella he had Okayed because that was Bella. He didn't feel he had any claim to make decisions about her life. But I was me. His Riddley. His daughter he'd never thought of having and he just couldn't…

"It shouldn't be like that." He repeated.

"Carlisle changes people when they're about to die." I said, turning from him to walk to the fridge. The calm, peaceful moment had passed and suddenly my stomach was hollow again. "I am going to die. I may not be bleeding out right this second but that doesn't mean it's not our last resort."

"We can find another way." Jasper said, and there was no arguing with that voice. The whole Cullen family could adopt that tone if they wanted to. It was there, 'I've lived about 100 years longer than you and I know better. Don't argue with the numbers' voice. It was perfectly infuriating.

"What if we can't?" I asked, spinning to face him before I could even reach the fridge. I knew my heart was probably beating rapidly in my chest at the moment, but I didn't care. I didn't care that Jasper was the least controlled and I was pushing him because I was _right_. For once I'd figured out what to do and he wasn't listening, stupid, stubborn vampire that he was.

"We can. This is not up for debate, Riddley." Jasper snapped, and I watched him close his eyes and reign in the emotions that he usually kept such a tight hold on. He'd been doing it so much more often lately. Loosing control of the stoicism I was accustomed to.

"Fine. Go find Edward so he listen to our entire god damned conversation in your head and then you can all talk about me like I don't know you're doing it." I snapped right back, turning on my heel and slamming and stomping my way out of the house. Hell, teenagers are over-dramatic for a reason. In some ways, it helps.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his voice only a few feet behind me. Of course it was. Because he was a vampire and no matter how hurriedly I stomped away he could casually saunter after me.

"For a walk." I quipped, letting the venom seep through my voice. I was only hurting myself. I knew Jasper was only trying to be kind to me. Only trying to be there for me and protect me the way he always had. But he couldn't protect me from what was coming. And I figured that loosing some affection for me before he lost me might soften the blow. Make things easier.

Of course, that might have just been an excuse for me to act like a bitch. Who knows?

"It's not safe."

"Of course it isn't. It never was." I snapped, not daring to look back and watch as his step faltered the way I knew it would. I never talked to Jasper like that. Edward yes but never Jasper. And I just wanted to hurt him more for being so shocked and so naïve when he was supposed to be the wise one. I wanted to hurt him for refusing to hurt me. For refusing to just accept everything and act cold. I needed him to act cold. I needed him to be realistic.

"Riddley-"

"Just leave me alone!" I screamed, holding my hands over my ears and dashing into the woods as fast as my legs would carry me. He could have caught me if he wanted to. It would have been a breeze. But he let me go.

I kept running, crashing through the underbrush and sending flocks of birds flying up into the air to retreat from my horrendous noise. My hands still covered my ears, trying to shield my brain from the guilty thoughts that it was generating. I wouldn't be guilty. I was going to be mean. I was going to be cruel and awful because this was it. This was the end. I could feel it. The way you can feel eyes on your back. I didn't have much time left. Something was going to happen.

I wasn't sure if it was something to do with my gift that let me sense it or if it was an instinct instilled in all humans for their own survival. It didn't matter.

I was running out of time.

"Alec!" I screamed into the air, stumbling to a stop as my foot caught on a root.

"You really are one of the loudest creatures I've ever met." His voice fell down to me through the trees and I knew he was sitting in the branches, probably smirking his ass off because that's just what he did.

"Get down here." I said, and there was no humour in my voice. No gentleness. I was all business now and he must have heard the change because immediately he was standing before me.

On any other person I would have been able to tell what they were thinking. I would have been able to see curiosity or even worry flicker through their eyes but not with Alec. If I was all business, then so was he. He was guarded and I felt blocked and for a second the bare feeling over my heart made my breath catch.

I almost rethought my whole plan. I almost decided to just forget my idea and talk to him and tell him everything I'd ever thought about him. I almost lost it because he had pulled away from me again and it was my fault.

This wasn't me accidentally distancing myself from him. This was me taking a jackhammer to the connection and going to town.

But then I steeled myself and took a deep breath, staring into those eyes that I would never, ever get enough of. And for just a moment something awakened there. Something like I'd seen while we were outside. Something I'd seen while we were in the kitchen. But I couldn't focus on it now. I couldn't let it stop me. I was running out of time. I could feel it like a clock hand slowly striking against my back, over and over again. Countdown.

"Alec," I started, and then closed my eyes. And the breath that I pulled in immediately before I opened my eyes was definitely not shaky or shuddering. It was not at all watery or afraid. "Bite me."

**A/N:** Truly, I am a terrible human being. I know that I really shouldn't leave you all with such a cliffhanger but I couldn't resist. And things are about to get very, _very_ interesting. Just warning you. Review and favorite even though I'm an awful author who should update more regularly (:

Also, thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing this! You guys are helping me so much and I really can't express to you how much your words mean to me. Really. It's not possible.

I'll try to get a new chapter up before Valentine's Day. No, sadly, it will not be a Valentine's Day Special. I'm not that good at planning.

I LOVE YOU ALL! 10 (because I love you so much more than 3)


	16. Chapter 16

He stared at me. And I think it was the first and possibly only time I've ever seen him so openly shocked. Like this was the very last thing he'd have expected me to say, which is odd because I would've thought this was the idea everyone had seen coming. I mean, isn't that the way the story goes? I give up mortality for a chance to live and blah blah blah some miracle happens and happily ever after?

But apparently I had been wrong and I was just about the _only_ person running on that train of thought.

He didn't school his expression immediately after he let the mask drop, as I'd expected him to. Quick recoveries were kind of his thing. Instead, he simply took a short, almost unbelieving step forward and then halted like something big, heavy and painful had stopped him in his tracks. My heart was probably gallumping like crazy and not helping him stop from tearing into my neck at any given moment and simply draining me instead of turning me.

And the staring match continued for what felt like hours and I was hoping beyond any reasonable hope that he might actually be considering it. That he might understand my need. He was Alec, after all. He, above anyone else should have been able to put personal feelings aside and do the smart thing. The only smart thing we could possibly do. Alec was the one person I could count on to be cold and mechanical and steel when I needed him to be. He didn't break down and get emotional like family. He didn't hate me because I was human like Jane did. He wasn't indifferent like Felix and Demitri. He would do it. I knew he would. He would-

"No." He whispered. Or maybe not.

He shook his head and stepped back from me, like he didn't quite recognize me at the moment. Like I was the same stranger who had launched herself out of the protective arms of her family in a room full of ancient vampires to call his sister a bitch. Like I was the same girl who had shuffled, wide-eyed, into the high dome-ceilinged Volturi throne room with no idea what the Hell I'd just gotten myself into.

"No?" I repeated back to him, watching him steady his stance and at the same time drop his eyes to the ground at my feet. Damn him. Damn him for not letting me see what was in the eyes that were so uncharacteristically unguarded. Damn him for refusing my one, simple, necessary request. Damn him for making me think he was so sickeningly handsome when what I should have been focusing on was the future. Just…damn him.

"This isn't what you wanted." He shook his head, like he was trying to remember my exact words. Or like he was trying to remember the exact person who had said it and when it had been and why I was stepping towards him.

I moved forwards, he moved back. And I grew frustrated as the distance between us remained the same no matter how hard I tried to close to gap. So I could shake some sense into him. Or maybe so I could just lightly trace the bride of his nose to admire the way it was unnaturally straight. All bone and a little baby fat on the cheeks. No muscle to harden the features.

I couldn't quite make up my mind at the moment. All I knew was that he wasn't sticking to the script. This wasn't the way things were supposed to happen and it was pissing me the hell off that he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I had been counting on him to not care enough about my wishes to refuse me.

Because there was a difference between curiosity and…care. And Alec was curious about me no doubt. Attracted to me maybe, although the thought made me ripen red like tomatoes. But caring was so…big. So perfect and unattainable and I hated how much I wanted it to be true because I knew I needed him not to. And what I needed and what I wanted were warring against each other and it wasn't fair because this was the part where it was supposed to be simple. This was the part that was supposed to be fire in the bones and strength and single trains of thought that most definitely did _not_ involve single, brooding vampires.

"Alec," I growled, stomping forward, and it angered and saddened me when he turned away and simply walked more quickly through the forest. Damn him (once more)! "Alec, you were supposed to say yes you dumbass!"

I didn't even have the intelligence to be worried by my outburst and the fact that he had suddenly stopped in his tracks.

"I was counting on _you_ Alec. You're supposed to help me do this and you're _not_." And I hated how I sounded so mean. How I sounded like such a bitch. It had been my goal but the words tasted like acid in my mouth. I didn't want to yell at him. I wanted to run at him and grab him by the jacket and pull him into me so I could smell that deliciously intoxicating smell that I'd thought I was immune to. I wanted to make him kiss me even if it was dangerous and I wanted him to understand that all these emotions crashing over me so quickly were drowning me and I needed him to save me. But I didn't say that. I didn't do that.

"I've never asked you for anything. You've never done me any favors. And let's face it, this is what would've happened after graduation anyways. Only maybe it would've been Aro that did the deed. Or maybe Marcus since apparently he's so in love with me. It doesn't really-"

Suddenly I was spun into a tree, my back connecting with the hard bark and shocks up pain shooting up my spine but my head was shielded by the hand resting behind it, cold and steady and gripping at my hair in an almost uncomfortable way.

"Marcus is _not_ in love with you." Alec grounded out, and I watched his eyes melt from their hardened caramel into a boiling pool of angry amber liquid. I was suddenly reminded of exactly why the Volutri were meant to be feared and why I had been afraid to be alone with Alec for such a long time. And it was the first time in a long while that I'd been scared of him.

"You said-" I began, trying to keep my voice steady.

"I said he wanted to possess you. Own you. You'd be property, nothing more. Anything else would be…strange. Anything else and you'd be royalty, and we certainly couldn't have that, now could we?"

"Well what does it matter to you anyways?" I spit at him, and the words cut me as much as I'd been planning on them cutting him. "I'm not _your_ property, so you shouldn't care. You would've watched me be changed within a month anyways. So just do it now." I commanded, and wished my voice was as powerful as it had sounded in my head. I twisted my head, trying to expose my neck to him. "Do it!" I snapped again, pushing my face closer to his and pulling against his grasp in my hair. "Bite me."

"You're an awful liar." He said, and his words carried as much venom as they did relief.

"What?" I asked, drawing back against the tree.

"You don't want me to bite you." He smirked, and suddenly he was impossibly closer. His chest pressed close to mine and all I could smell and see and think was Alec. Everything was Alec and I wanted him closer while at the same time I wanted to shove him away for being able to see through me. For being able to see through the lie I wanted so desperately to be true. It would've made things so much easier that way.

"I do." I said, but it was barely a whisper.

"You don't." He countered, and my eyes fluttered closed as I felt his nose running up along the side of my neck, stopping near the pulse point where I was sure the skin was moving with the force of my pumping heart. I shivered. "And Marcus cannot have you." He continued, but I could barely focus on his words as his face moved up and his cheek brushed my cheek and his forehead came to rest against mine. And he smelled _so_ good and I was suddenly so very very nervous. And the butterflies in my stomach were all carrying feathers. This was as out of his shell as I had ever seen Alec. And I'd pushed him to that point because I was acting crazy and stupid and a small part of me thought I might have actually scared him into opening up to me, even in this slightly violent way. He had to know I knew this because I sounded like I was loosing my mind and I was acting like a bitch.

And maybe he was as desperate for just one more moment as I was.

"Because you belong to me." He whispered, and the words were a cage that captured my heart and yanked it out of my chest and into his hands. And I only hoped that maybe he had willingly given his to me in return because I would have caged my heart for him a thousand more times if he'd simply asked.

And he'd said the words like they were worship. Only he could turn such a derogatory statement into something so…dazzling. My breath caught in my throat and I felt my heart stutter in my chest. Well, I thought I did. If my heart had _actually_ changed its rhythm that would've meant I was going into cardiac arrest. And I wasn't. At least, I didn't think I was.

I couldn't even form a coherent thought as he slowly pulled back, his body barely, torturously resting against mine. His grip on my wrists loosened and I suddenly knew what he was doing. Alec, one of the most selfish, nosy, and flawed people I'd ever met was giving me a choice. An honest to God option. And that alone had the response out of my mouth before I could fully contemplate it.

In my experience, thinking before speaking didn't usually work out.

"If I'm yours, that means your mine right?" I asked cautiously. And I hated how I sounded like one of those simpering, pathetic schoolgirls with a crush. Because it wasn't a crush. It was…physics. Biology. Instincts. Every one of my cells pulled me towards his. Maybe it was a pheromone thing…

"Yes." He said. And if I hadn't known any better I would have said his voice almost nearly cracked on the word. Like after hundreds of years he was still going through puberty. Or maybe that he was really emotional.

But I did know better. Alec's voice didn't crack on words like those hero's on T.V. shows. He didn't get all teary-eyed and sobby. It wasn't him.

Of course the eyes boring into my face weren't exactly indifferent. They were back to that molten gold. And the burn was pleasant and perfect and I would've died happy to never leave from that spot ever again.

That _was_ an exaggeration, just so we're clear. I wasn't _that_ pathetic, Jesus…

"Aren't you supposed to kiss me now?" I breathed. I know. So awkward. Like, who _says_ that? Well, apparently I do. And yes, I know that in any normal situation it would have made things incredibly uncomfortable but…it was Alec. I could never tell if he was going to do what was expected or the exact opposite. And I kind of needed some warning before he decided to put his DNA in my mouth.

And then, before I could have any more strange thoughts, I couldn't function. My brain, I'm sure, actually short-wired and started to burn because that was the only way I would feel like I was being electrocuted in the most pleasant way possible.

Now I've been kissed before. Shocking I know! But seriously. I'd done the whole Spin-the-bottle party games and I'd actually been on a few dates in my time. But compared to this…they were void. They were wiped from my memory and I didn't remember how I'd ever even breathed without him. And I _felt_ stupid for feeling it but I couldn't help it.

I couldn't tell you how his lips felt or where his hands were or what the world around me was doing when he kissed me because I honestly don't remember. All I remember is feeling excruciatingly complete. The kind of complete that's painful because the part of you that's been empty for so long feels like it needs to overflow. And no, the part that was missing wasn't in my chest. I'd had plenty of love in my life. Alec wasn't necessary for that.

I felt complete in my very cells. At a molecular level I was filled to the brim with such…rightness that it's not possible to convey through words. It's a feeling that you have to _feel_ to understand because no language in the universe can capture it's utter glory.

I don't know how long it lasted. I only know it was too short even though when he pulled back one despised inch I gasped for air. And that was either from lack of breathing or the fact that all of the emotion and sappiness of the moment was threatening to crush my lungs in.

We didn't say anything. That moment was suspended. A drop of water dangling from the edge of a leaf, threatening to fall. And I didn't know what would happen when it fell, only that I wanted that moment to last as long as possible. I wanted to pull it inside my brain and burn the feeling and the image there so that it could never ever leave. Even if I wanted it to.

"Riddley." Alec whispered, and his forehead fell forward just a bit so that it rested on mine. I couldn't respond. My mouth wouldn't work right. Something was wrong with my lips. Oh, that's what it was. They were lonely again all of the sudden.

And then he did the one thing that could have possibly snapped me out of my euphoric, slightly neurotic haze.

"That…" He trailed off and shook his said, and suddenly air was rushing over my body and he was missing and my arms reached out unconsciously to the place he had been.

"Alec?" I asked, stubbornly ignoring the way my voice sounded wrecked. Like I'd been doing a lot more than standing there dumbly while Alec kissed me.

I spun around, searching the trees for him even when I knew that if he didn't want me to find him, I wouldn't.

"Alec!" I screamed into the woods, and this time I didn't sounded wrecked in the same way. There was a raw pain in my voice that even I didn't understand or want to acknowledge because it made me sound like a lunatic. Like the homeless people that sit around screaming angry words at the air around them because they can't quite grasp that whoever they want to say those words to isn't there. They can't understand that they've gone and they can't hear them anymore.

My throat dried to the point of pain as I began stumbling in a random direction, screaming out his name as I went because you can't just kiss someone like that –shatter their entire universe with the feelings you inspire—and then _leave_. It's impolite.

But before I could fall to the ground sobbing in emotional agony, as is expected in any good, trashy love story, I stopped myself. And I made myself shut the Hell up because I was getting on my _own_ damn nerves with all of my baggage.

"Breathe." I whispered, leaning over and resting my hands against my knees. I closed my eyes and focused on the gentle flow of air in and out of my lungs. I let the simplicity of the action calm the raging fires in my brain.

I stood there for a few moments, until I could open my eyes without frantically searching the trees for a face with eyes that made my heart race. I wouldn't find him. Of course I wouldn't. He didn't want to be found right now and I couldn't track him. Couldn't sneak up on him. My hysterical searching was getting me nowhere.

Well, that wasn't true. It was doing a fairly decent job of getting me lost.

"Damn you Riddley." I muttered, allowing a final breathy laugh to exit my system before I forced myself to the calm collected girl I'd once thought myself to be. "Okay, okay think." I said, shaking my head free of the stray thoughts that attempted to shatter my carefully resurrected wall of sanity.

I looked around, trying to look at the underbrush to find which direction I'd come tromping from. But the thing about underbrush is that it's all the same color. And a lot of it is springy and bounces back to where it was before you stepped on it. So basically, I couldn't see anything with my untrained eye that could tell me which direction to head back to.

I wasn't scared though. I doubted I had wandered far enough to be out of Edward's range of hearing. In fact, I doubted he'd have _let_ me wander far enough to do such a thing. So I just closed my eyes and thought as loud as I possibly could that I was lost and wanted to go home.

And I most certainly did not think about the feeling I'd gotten in my toes and finger-nails when Alec had kissed me.

_Edward_ I thought, bouncing from foot to foot where I stood. _Come on, I want to come home. I'm tired and my feet hurt and it's starting to get cold out here!_

And so I waited. And I waited. And then too much time had passed and my stomach started tying itself into knots. Because, you know, that sort of thing is fun for stomachs.

_Edward! This isn't funny! Come get me! I'm sorry I yelled at you okay? _And that was a lie because I really wasn't sorry at all but I had the feeling it was what he wanted to hear.

And so I waited some more. And then some more. And then I decided that I was a strong, capable young lady and I could easily figure my way out of the mess I'd gotten myself into.

As I've said before, getting myself into messes is kind of my thing. You'd think I'd had enough time to practice getting out of them.

_Apparently,_ I thought, swiping at a cobweb that tried to invade my eye, _NOT._ I knew where I was going. I wasn't blindly following my instincts. I knew the house was somewhere to the North and all of the moss was growing on the North side of the trees. So I walked that way.

But then I couldn't remember if the moss grew on the north side or the south side, as I tried to recall those Underground Railroad lessons I'd heard too many times to be able to forget.

And then I realized that the moss was on _all_ sides of the trunks.

"Okay, okay, you're okay. You're fine. Just figure this out." I said out loud, stopping once again to steady myself. But no matter how hard I thought I couldn't remember where to go. And I tried to do math in my head to figure things out before I remembered that I had no idea how far from the house I'd been in the first place.

I was just a walking disaster. And apparently Edward was so pissed off that he would have rather left me in the woods all night than come anywhere near a girl who had been crazy enough to want to kiss Alec.

Who was crazy enough to want to kiss Alec again.

_And there you go._ I thought. _This is why you're in this whole fucking mess. You can't think straight when you're around him. You can't think straight when you think _about _him. Which is all the time. So really, you're just never thinking straight. And it's _obviously_ all his fault anyways. Kissing you and running off like that. Seriously though, what the hell? _My inner monologue continued, and I thought it was amusing that even my inner-thoughts chose to be angry rather than hurt by his actions.

Because being hurt was something stupid girls that died did.

_Looks like you picked a winner Chris. _I thought, and then felt the need to be sick. I had the most wonderful habit of thinking of the things that scared me the most when I was in the most frightening situations.

And here I was at twilight in the woods where I'd apparently been abandoned by the vampires that were supposed to be my allies.

"This is bad." I said, looking around and watching as the forest delved farther and farther into a darkness that had me wanting to pee my pants. "Yeah," I nodded. "This is really bad."

And then my head imploded.

**A/N:** Oh that was the worst kiss scene ever! I'm sorry I couldn't be more…you know, detailed with it. I'm going to need someone else to write the good parts for me when we eventually get to that ;) That is, if that's what my readers want. Right now it feels like the language is the only thing making this story occasionally M, and I'm not sure if it's better to keep it that way or if the rating will be called for in later chapters. Oh well, I guess we'll see when we get to that point.

I once again want to thank all of my readers and especially my reviewers! You guys keep me going. You really really do. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you, and I hope Alec didn't seem like he was suddenly different. I just really wanted them to kiss already. I was as desperate for it as I hope you all were. I think he acted in an understandable way though. I mean, Riddley was acting pretty bitchy.

And now I'm ranting. I'm sorry folks! I just can't help it! I hope to have another chapter out by….hmmm. Let's set a reasonable deadline. How about the end of the month? Good? I'm sorry this story is taking so damn long. But school is crazy and just…ugh.

Anyways, review and favorite and alert and all that jazz. Love you guys! 10


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